Bitter Edge
by ginginlee
Summary: Childhood friends turned almost-lovers struggle to navigate their relationship. Bella is trapped by her mother's overbearing tyranny and Edward has to repent for the vices he turned to in her absence. Will a summer of freedom be enough to save them? AH
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is kind of a prologue introducing us to Bella and Edward as children. This is (very) loosely based off of my one-shot, Salty Sweet. You don't need to read it to follow this story, as I have modified the plot and obviously am going back and starting at the beginning. Thanks to my betas from PTB for helping me tighten this up.

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_Seven years ago_

"Hi, Charlie! I have a delivery here for you – one little girl, and her rambunctious protector, ready for service!" Esme scooted to the side so that Charlie could see Bella and Edward scurry up the steps to the front porch, both giving him gap-toothed grins.

"Phew! It's a good thing you guys are here, I am way behind with all my chores…" Charlie trailed off as he gazed back into the living room, a wry smile on his face. Bella and Edward both sighed in exasperation.

"Dad! We're not here to do chores, we're here to play!" Bella shouted at him as she grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him through the door. The children bypassed Charlie and ran straight to the kitchen.

"Bye, Edward! Be good for Charlie," Esme warned as Charlie stepped out onto the porch. "Sorry about bringing Edward, too, Charlie, they were just…well, Bella was really excited to come here, but she begged Edward to come too. I don't think they had a good time at Renee's."

"Did they say anything?" Charlie asked in a low voice.

"No, but they were both sitting on her porch when I got there. Renee didn't even come out to tell them bye."

"Was she there?"

"I don't know, I didn't think to ask. I'm sorry. When should I come get Edward?"

"Ah, don't worry about it. I'll bring him home. You mind if he stays over? I might take them fishing in the morning."

"You think you can get them up that early?" Esme laughed heartily.

"Well, I have my ways. Incentives always help," Charlie responded with a grin. "I'll see you tomorrow, Esme. Thanks for picking the kids up."

"Anytime, Charlie."

Charlie walked back into his house, shutting the door behind him. He could see all the way down the hall, into the kitchen, through the window and into the backyard. Bella's dark hair was flowing behind her as she and Edward ran in circles around the yard. Charlie walked slowly towards them, watching them play as he went. He couldn't tell what game they were playing.

Bella suddenly turned and plowed into Edward who was running right behind her. Both children fell immediately, Bella clutching her forehead while Edward was nursing his knee. Charlie started to hurry out the back door to make sure they were alright. Laughter greeted him when he opened the door.

"You kids okay? That was quite a spill."

"Yeah, Dad. Edward wasn't _supposed_ to get so close to me," she said, glancing at the redheaded boy.

"I wasn't that close!" Edward shouted indignantly.

"Was too!"

"It doesn't matter, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You guys wanna come in and get something to eat?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah!" their voices shouted in unison.

Charlie watched the two children run past him and into the kitchen with a hidden smile.

The next day, Charlie drove Edward and Bella back to the Cullen's home. When the police cruiser pulled into the gravel driveway, Charlie told Bella to go on ahead and that he needed to speak with Edward alone.

Bella agreed, but as she shut the car door and walked slowly to the Cullen's front door, she couldn't help but look over her shoulder at her father and best friend. She didn't want them to have secrets from her; though, Bella understood that sometimes boys had to talk to one another, and girls couldn't hear what they were saying. Bella turned around fully, watching the two males, as she walked backwards, only stumbling twice.

Inside the car, Edward's nerves had spiked.

"Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something," the Chief began.

"What? What'd I do?" Edward asked frantically, racking his brain for anything that could've upset the friendly yet intimidating Chief Swan.

"Nothing's wrong, Edward, calm down now. I just wanted to talk to you about my little girl," Charlie answered as his eyes flickered to his little brown-eyed daughter, watching them intently from only ten yards away with an obstinate expression.

Edward turned to look at her as well. He wished she were in the car with them.

"Now, I know you and Bella are best friends…right?" Charlie's eyes searched Edward's round face.

"Yeah. Yes, she's my best friend."

"I thought so. And you don't want her to get hurt, do you?"

"No! I didn't—I wouldn't hurt Bella!" Edward's voice was climbing higher with anxiety. He thought the Chief was accusing him of something.

"I know that, son. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Now, I know you don't always get to go over to Renee's with Bella, but I just wanted to make sure that she was…being taken care of over there. Do you know what I mean?"

Edward looked at the Chief's mustache, studying it. He thought back on the times that Bella cried when she had to go to her mom's house. He remembered being there with her when Renee would ignore them, or forget to feed them. They were left to their own devices most of the time, but Bella always confided that she wanted to stay at her dad's, or at Edward's house instead.

"I…I don't know, Chief. She, uh…Bella doesn't really like it there. And sometimes Renee isn't nice to us," Edward began. Charlie's face tightened in frustration, and Edward was afraid he'd said something wrong.

"I thought so," Charlie began. He looked out the window, towards Bella, staring but not seeing. Bella turned to face the front door of the Cullen's house as it opened, a surprised but excited Esme greeting her. Bella cast one glance over her shoulder at the two most important men in her life, and then ran to Esme's outstretched arms.

"Listen, Edward. I just want you to know you can talk to me, about anything, okay? Sometimes…sometimes, when we're kids, we don't want to talk to our parents, or sometimes we don't want to say anything bad about our parents to somebody else," Charlie said imploringly. Edward nodded his understanding. "Just know that you can tell me anything, even if you think Bella will be mad at you for it. She won't be, I promise. She might yell at you, but she does that already, right?"

Charlie grinned and Edward laughed. They were both familiar with Bella's short fuse. She lit up quickly, but she always burnt out just as fast.

"You're her best friend, she won't stay mad. She'd be glad you were looking out for her. You can do that, right? You'll watch after Bella when I'm not around? She needs somebody, you know…" Charlie trailed off as if the ten-year old boy would refuse his request.

"Yes, sir, you can count on me," Edward stated emphatically.

Charlie wanted to laugh at Edward's seriousness, but he couldn't. He was just as serious about Bella's safety, both emotionally and physically.

"Good. Now get outta here."

Edward giggled as he opened the door and shouted a goodbye at the Chief. Charlie sat in his cruiser and watched the front door open and close again, his little girl locked safely inside. If Bella couldn't be with him, the next best place was at the Cullen's.

Charlie took the long way home, making sure to stop by a small, rundown cottage on the way. He pulled up to the side of the driveway and parked, but didn't turn the ignition off. He waited, and watched the curtains in the living room shift from a hand pushing them aside. A few moments later a petite shorthaired woman exited, wrapped tightly in a ratty robe.

Charlie could see that her eyes were bloodshot as she approached, though she tried not to look at him.

"Charlie," she greeted him with a nod. Her voice sounded like razor blades were stuck in her throat.

"Renee…how long you been doin' this?"

Renee looked up and saw the sympathy on his face. His words were genuine, she knew, but she didn't want to fess up to the Chief of Police.

"Doin' what? I was just taking a nap," she defended.

"How long did your nap last? Did you at least wait until Esme picked up the kids this time?"

"What exactly are you accusing me of, Charlie? I was tired today, so I slept in, it's no big deal. Bella was fine when you got her, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, she looked fine, but she was quiet, and Edward hinted that they don't have a good time over here," Charlie started.

"Edward said that, did he? So, what, a ten-year-old boy is more trustworthy than me now? Huh? Edward's a spoiled little shit that's probably got a nanny still wiping his ass, and I don't want Bella around him. I don't want him coming over here anymore."

Renee's mannerisms grew more erratic and twitchy as her anxiety rose. Charlie watched her closely, trying to figure out what she was on, and wondering what to do about it.

"Renee…you and I both know Edward's not the problem here. Neither is Bella. You know I don't want to have to…take any action, but you've got to get yourself together. I can't willingly send Bella over here if you're going to be drunk or high or whatever it is you are right now. I won't do it, she's too important to fuck around with."

Renee flinched at the steel in Charlie's words. She didn't want him to exercise his parental rights and get Bella removed from her home; the alimony and child support she received were barely enough to cover her expenses. She didn't believe he would be cruel, and she'd heard his spiel before. She chanced a furtive glance at him, and saw the resolve in his eyes, and the set of his jaw.

She nodded, just twice, then cleared her throat.

"I know, Charlie. I know. I'm…I'm getting my shit together, I promise. You're right – Bella is too important. Just…just give me a little time, okay? I can do this."

Charlie let out a sigh. He'd heard that before. He nodded in response, and rolled up his window. He drove away from the woman he'd once been in love with and couldn't help but feel nostalgic. It seemed like only days ago that she was wearing flowers braided in her hair and spouting nonsense about cleansing her aura and running recklessly barefoot everywhere she went.

Charlie knew that girl didn't exist anymore, but he couldn't deny that he still wanted her.

Renee slowly walked back into her modest home and tossed her robe off as she passed by her couch. She sauntered into her bedroom, eyeballing first the glass bottle sitting on her nightstand, and then the naked man sprawled across the span of her bed. She walked and picked the bottle up silently, and took it into her bathroom. She didn't shut the door.

Renee studied her face in the mirror and pulled at the sagging skin around her eyes. She didn't remember those wrinkles being there the day before. Her skin was sallow looking, her hair limp and dirty. She unscrewed the cap of her bottle of vodka, and began pouring it down the drain. Halfway through, she stopped, and lifted the bottle to her lips. She gulped it down for several seconds, ignoring the burn in her esophagus.

She pulled the bottle away with a snap of her lips and was unable to stop from coughing.

"Babe?" a hoarse voice called from the bedroom.

"Yeah, honey," Renee answered as she walked towards the bed. The man rolled onto his back, his erection prominently displayed already. Renee smirked at him and handed him the bottle.

She climbed onto the bed and straddled him, and he gasped.

"Fuck, you're so wet already. You always go commando now?" He groaned while taking a swig of vodka as Renee swiveled her hips against him. She was well practiced by now.

"I always wanna be ready for you, baby," she purred. She reached for the vodka, taking a drink as she simultaneously lifted her pelvis up and the nameless man lined himself up to enter her. She slammed down onto him forcefully, making him grunt in pleasure.

"You know just what I like."

Renee nodded and shut her eyes, ignoring the small voice in the back of her mind; the voice she assumed was her nearly forgotten conscience. She rode him eagerly, hoping the vodka would kick in soon enough so that she could forget the promises she had broken.

At the Cullen house, Esme watched the children playing surreptitiously. Anytime Edward's older brother Emmett started to play too rough with Bella, Edward gallantly stepped in and demanded that he be gentle with her. Bella, who didn't seem to mind the roughhousing, would only look at her best friend, and then shrug at Emmett.

Esme could tell that Bella instinctively knew that Edward was only looking out for her best interest, not trying to limit the amount of fun she was having. Alice would teeter around the older children as they played, watching with no small amount of envy.

Bella's big brown eyes always spotted the tiny fairy-like child standing in the corner, and went to her. She made sure that Alice felt included, even if she was too small to wrestle around with the boys like Bella could. Bella frequently suggested that they do things like play school, or doctor, so that Alice could join in.

Esme saw how Alice idolized Bella; she truly was like a big sister. Esme was thankful that Alice had another female around the house, and she loved Bella like she was her own.

Esme hated the anxiety and guilt that ate at her every time she allowed Bella and Edward to go to Renee's home. She accepted that Bella had to go, but Esme knew that Renee was incapable of really caring for her little girl. Esme didn't want Edward to go with Bella, but they both threw fits if he couldn't go. Bella was lonely without Edward, and Edward felt like he had to protect Bella.

Edward's excited voice brought Esme from her reverie.

"Can we sleep in the fort tonight, Mom? Please, please, please!" Edward's green eyes, so like his biological mother's, pleaded with him. Esme missed Elizabeth so much at times like these.

"Of course, but Alice gets to stay with you guys, too, okay?"

Emmett immediately groaned in frustration, causing little Alice's face to turn red as she looked at her feet. Edward turned to look at his sister, and as he saw Bella put her arm around Alice and nod emphatically, he nodded in return.

"Yeah, of course, Alice can always stay with us. Right, Bella?" Edward was eager for Bella's approval.

"Always!"

Bella's chocolate eyes shone with pride as she looked at her best friend, and Alice's head popped back up as she squealed with delight. Edward smiled a secret smile of pleasure. Esme knew he didn't care one way or the other if Alice played with them, but it was important to him that Bella was happy with him.

The four children eventually calmed enough to settle in their fort for the night; Bella and Edward slept side by side in the middle, with Emmett and Alice at the wings. Alice fell asleep first, and after a few whispered dirty jokes, Emmett drifted off to sleep as well.

Edward and Bella rolled on their sides to face each other, talking in half-sentences, sharing inside jokes, and communicating with their eyes. They'd been inseparable for long enough that sometimes they didn't speak at all. Both children traded yawns until Bella's eyes drooped for the final time. Edward waited until he was sure she was asleep before he closed his eyes. He didn't want to fall asleep too early, in case she needed him.

Edward dreamed that Bella was lost in the forest behind his house. He yelled and yelled her name, but couldn't find her. He stumbled over what he thought was a fallen tree, only to discover he had found Bella. She didn't look the same as she did in real life; dream Bella had longer, thicker hair, eyes too large for her face, her skin ghostly pale, and she wore a strange white dress. Edward almost didn't recognize her. But as he knelt by his best friend's body, she turned to him, her face expressionless until she shouted, "No! No no no! Please, don't!"

Edward awoke to Bella's pleas in his ear. She was actually crying aloud, the words from his dream echoed in real life. He panicked for a moment until he shook her shoulder. Bella's eyes popped open as her breaths came out too quickly, her entire body trembling.

"Bella! Did you have a bad dream?" Edward could barely make out her features in the dark, but he was glad to see that her eyes were the right size. Dream Bella looked too frightened to exist in real life, though his real best friend looked plenty afraid as he stared at her in the dark.

"Yeah, yeah, it was…it was real scary…."

Bella didn't elaborate. Edward wanted to ask, but he knew he never liked to talk about his bad dreams, so he kept quiet. He felt around in the dark until he found her hand, and he gripped it tightly in his own, pulling them up between their bodies.

"Don't worry, it was just a dream. I won't let anything happen to you in real life. I promise," he whispered to her, his eyes trying to close again.

"I know. Thank you."

Bella leaned her face against their clasped hands and breathed out slowly, wishing for sleep but afraid that her dream would come back again. She dreamed that her mother was having a fit again, and she grabbed Bella and shook her too hard. Bella's teeth were rattling, and her jaw ached.

If Bella thought about it too hard, the pain in her jaw felt real. Bella didn't want to have to feel that pain. She watched Edward's face relax with slumber, and she scooted closer to him, believing that he truly would keep her safe.

It was the only thing that made her less afraid to face tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Totally forgot to mention last time, but I do not own.

Thanks to sapphireskies & CapriciousC for helping me pull this together not only grammatically, but with content as well.

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_One year ago_

Edward was waiting for Bella at the main door to the school, like every morning before. He almost didn't spot her through the students milling around, as she was barely five-foot-two. Bella lamented her petite stature, but Edward secretly loved it. She fit under his arm perfectly, and when they hugged, he picked her up instead of stooping down to her.

Edward loved holding her up against him. He felt like he was really her protector in those moments. Bella, vulnerable, tiny, soft; Edward was tall and strong and able to lift her with ease. He laughed at himself, knowing Bella would kill him if she knew he every thought of her as 'vulnerable, tiny and soft.' Bella was tough as nails to everyone else; she had a reputation to uphold. Only Edward saw the subdued and sensitive Bella Swan that she reserved for their alone time.

The crown of Bella's head became visible to Edward just before she reached him. She was watching her feet instead of the other students, so at the last second someone's shoulder crashed into hers, knocking her off balance. Edward lunged forward as quickly as he could, and was able to grab her before she hit the ground. Her books and travel mug of coffee weren't so lucky.

"Hey, asshole! Watch it!" Edward shouted at the retreating form. "Fucking Crowley. He's such a prick."

"Calm down Eddie-boy, no blood, no foul, right? I'm fine," Bella said nonchalantly, but the deep blush on her face gave her away. She bent to retrieve her books as Edward picked up her mug. "Though I do wish my caffeine hadn't been a victim."

"Ah, I'm sure you had plenty of coffee at home, yeah?"

Bella rolled her eyes.

"I won't dignify that assumption with a response," she said cheekily. Edward laughed and threw his arm around her shoulder, leading her to their first period class.

Bella and Edward thankfully had three classes together this year, which put her much more at ease. She tried to put off a confident and aloof vibe to her peers, but it was draining to pretend all the time. Edward provided a natural buffer to the outside world--especially against the assholes of Forks High.

Morning classes passed quickly, and before she knew it, Bella was joining Edward and the rest of their friends at their regular lunch table. She spun her lemonade top on the table to Edward, and the two of them passed it back and forth for the duration, just like they did every day.

"So how's Alice liking middle school?" Angela asked of Edward, though she was watching him interact with Bella more closely than they would've liked.

Angela didn't understand why they wouldn't tell everyone they were dating; Bella maintained that they weren't dating, but it certainly looked like they were. Angela wanted to believe Bella, but she thought either the two of them were keeping it a secret, or they were blind fools.

"She loves it! She has so many friends, right Edward?" Bella answered the question even though it was directed at Edward. Bella loved Alice, and helped guide her through the turmoil of choosing an outfit for her first day of school. Bella would pick something, and Alice, in her eleven-year-old wisdom, would either nod or frown. Alice already had more fashion sense than Bella had, but she appreciated Bella's effort.

"That she does. You know her. She's so extroverted, it takes her about half a day to have an entire crew of friends," Edward explained, then turned to Bella, lowering his voice. "She really wants you to come over soon. She keeps asking me why you haven't been over to see her."

Bella's face fell in shame. She hated that Alice thought Bella wasn't making the time to go see her. The truth was she hadn't been allowed to go anywhere outside of school, not even the Cullen's house. Edward's green eyes bounced around as he examined her face. He nodded, imperceptible to the others at the table, but Bella saw.

Edward could see the grief darkening Bella's eyes, and he clenched his fist in anger. He promised to protect her, but now she battled something Edward didn't know how to stop. He did everything he could, but he couldn't ever fully lighten the darkness in her eyes.

Edward spun the lemonade cap back to Bella, and she was grateful. She knew that he was trying his best to keep his mouth shut, and let her pretend that everything was normal. The rest of the lunch table conversed until the bell rang, while Edward and Bella played in their own little bubble, like they had since they were children.

The pair walked to Biology class together and perched on their stools at their lab table. Edward was a science nerd, and helped Bella out as much as he could. Bella, in turn, helped Edward with his English homework.

Or, at least, she used to, when she was able to see him or talk to him outside of school. Bella hadn't been able to call Edward in at least a week, and it had been months since they'd seen each other on a weekend. Bella missed the meadow. Bella missed fresh, rain-laden air. Bella missed freedom.

Bella just…missed.

Edward watched Bella's face cloud over with some unmentionable train of thought, and Edward longed for their younger days. A time when things were easy; they were best friends first, and everything else came second. The pair was rarely separated, and there weren't rumors to deal with, or worse, feelings to figure out.

Edward longed for life to settle down or for Bella's mother to get her head out of her ass. He longed for Charlie to come back somehow, for Carlisle and Esme to step up. Edward longed for Bella to realize that she loved him…Edward longed for any semblance of peace.

Edward longed for Bella.

Bella felt her elbow being nudged, and looked down at the lab table to discover a small scrap of paper lying by her arm.

_-You okay?_

She scribbled her usual reply.

_-As okay as I can be._

Edward wasn't satisfied.

_-Can't you get away? Just for an hour tonight. I miss you._

Bella swallowed the lump that arose in her throat.

_-I don't know. I'll try._

Edward nodded, though he had no expectations. Bella had tried to get away countless times over the past year, but rarely made it. Edward didn't mind waiting for her, but each time a bit of his optimistic, naïve self broke apart, and was lost forever. Edward was aging rapidly, it seemed, as he became more cynical and hardened to every good thing in his life.

Edward was learning to expect disappointment. Edward was learning what failure and disillusionment were. He didn't want to learn those lessons, but he was on a crash course to maturity. He was learning that you couldn't always get what you want, and sometimes, not even what you need.

Edward fought the hardest against his accumulating feelings for Bella. He had loved her like family for as long as he could remember, but as they grew older, and even closer, he ached for her in a totally different way. He wanted her to be his. Edward reminded himself that he couldn't stake a claim on her, and that she may not feel the same way. He battled with himself every time someone mentioned Bella to him, or the way they made a perfect couple, or the way she clearly loved him.

People loved to say things like that to him, and Edward wanted so desperately to be able to agree. But like everything else in life, Edward realized he wanted it too much. So he probably wouldn't get it.

Esme had always told him that he wanted harder than anyone she'd ever seen. Regardless of what it was, when Edward set his sights on something, he wanted it so hard he could barely live without it. He was obsessive, he knew, and it wasn't healthy. But he couldn't stop. Bella was all he could imagine wanting or needing and it scared him.

Bella noticed the way Edward watched her, and the way his hands lingered on her skin. She saw the way he glared at the other boys at school who spoke to her, or showed her attention. She wasn't blind; Edward had always been her protector. She convinced herself that he was only taking the promise he made to Charlie all those years ago seriously.

Bella wanted him to want her, like a man wants a woman, but she wasn't wide-eyed anymore. She knew that she was battered and used, practically unlovable. She knew that Edward could never see her in a romantic light. Edward was a bit of a geek at school, but he never saw the way girls' eyes followed him, or the way they licked their lips as they studied his sculpted body, or the way they whispered as he walked past. He never saw the craving in their eyes, because his eyes were always on her—making sure she was okay, comfortable, protected.

Bella worried herself to sleep at night that she was stealing Edward's youth. She could see the innocent spark was gone from his eyes. She could see that not only had his muscles hardened over the years, but his spirit as well. He didn't seem as impassioned as he once had. Bella couldn't help but blame herself, her problems, for sucking Edward's young soul from his skin. Edward shouldn't have to grow up and embrace life's fucked up side yet. He should enjoy the time he has left in blissful ignorance. Bella knew that her very existence was an inconvenience on her mother, and Edward was suffering the same fate.

She wished she were strong enough to step back from Edward. She wanted to push him out of the nest and make him fly. She wanted to, needed to, but she was too afraid he'd never come back. Bella didn't like being so selfish, but she realized that by never letting him go, she was choosing. She was choosing that her need for him was greater than his need for life.

Bella wondered if she had inherently become like her mother. She wondered if she ever had a choice. She didn't want to be a user.

The bell rang, bringing Bella out of her stupor. Edward watched her worriedly. He saw that she was retreating into herself more and more, but he couldn't reach her. He feared that she would get too deep and drown, and the only thing within his power to do would be to watch.

The duo parted ways, as Bella headed to her dreaded gym class, and Edward went to Spanish. They always met back up at Bella's locker at the end of the day, and said their goodbyes.

This day was different, because as Bella and Edward walked slowly to the parking lot, Bella realized that Rosalie was picking her up. She couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, and turned to Edward with the first radiant smile he had seen on her face in longer than he could remember. Edward couldn't resist touching her cheek, pushed up and out from her wide grin. His hand traveled past her face, brushing her hair, and then wrapping around her shoulders. The two headed towards the car as Rosalie rolled the window down.

"How's the king and queen of Forks High doin' today?"

Bella snorted as Edward rolled his eyes.

"Oh you know us royalty – we're just dandy," Bella replied sarcastically.

"You guys want a ride somewhere? Your mom's gone 'til late tonight and Phil's got a meeting in Seattle. He won't be back until tomorrow," Rosalie added with a conspiratorial smile.

Bella turned to gauge Edward's reaction. It was Friday, and he may have plans.

"Can you come over? You can stay for dinner. Alice really wants to see you, and I know Mom would love it, too," Edward said excitedly.

"Yeah, sure! That would be great! Rose, is that okay if you take us to the Cullen's?"

"Of course. Hop in, guys."

Rosalie was the maid Renee hired a few months ago, since she was too busy to keep up with things around the house. Bella grew to love Rose, and Rose took an instant liking to Bella. Rose could see how stifled Bella was at her own home; Renee and Phil were trying their hardest to snuff out Bella's flame, and Rosalie wanted to try everything she could to keep that from happening.

Rosalie also saw the way Edward and Bella gazed at each other. She knew that Renee had expressly forbidden Bella to date, but Rose couldn't help but wish that somehow those two could make it work. Bella seemed to have so little in her life that made her happy, but Rosalie knew that Edward made things better. She didn't feel guilty for helping Bella sneak around. No fifteen-year-old should be on house arrest year round.

"I'm cooking dinner at your house tonight. I'll make less so there are fewer leftovers," Rose explained in a quiet voice. "So your mother doesn't know you didn't eat with me, okay?"

Bella nodded quickly, but didn't speak aloud. She knew that Rose knew what was going on in her house, but she was hesitant to say anything about it. Acknowledging it verbally like that was making it real. Bella wasn't ready to admit to herself that it was real. Bella wasn't ready to admit that her life ended before it got to begin.

Edward pretended to be oblivious in the backseat, but Rosalie saw the way his jaw clenched and he glared out the window. She could see the fire that burned inside of Edward. The embers were stoked with his intense love for Bella, the need to protect her, and his own helplessness in the situation. Rose didn't doubt that Edward did everything he could to help Bella, but she knew he was just a boy still. Rosalie was an adult and still there was next to nothing that she could do.

The car approached the large white house, and Bella's eyes filled with tears. It had only been a few months since she had been over, but it felt like an eternity. Growing up, she was here almost every other day. Esme had kept spare clothes and toiletries for her, Bella's favorite snacks in the pantry, and a jersey pillowcase that Bella loved. It truly was her second home, and after she lost Charlie, the only place she felt comfortable.

Alice hopped up and down, and Esme wrapped Bella up in a tight hug as she entered the familiar foyer. Esme's eyes were also filled with tears as she pulled away from her second daughter. She had missed Bella severely, and the compassion that filled her as she took in the young lady's tired eyes and pallid skin was almost too much. Esme was nearly overcome by her own guilt for Bella's situation. She wished her efforts had yielded results and helped set things right.

Alice instantly commandeered Bella and talked a mile a minute about her new school and her classes and friends and the school dance and boys and boys and boys. Bella wasn't able to keep up, but she was so overjoyed at seeing and holding the tiny girl that she didn't care. The musical intonation of Alice's voice was like a balm to Bella's weary psyche. Edward retreated to his room for a short period of time, then emerged and followed Bella to Alice's room. He didn't say a word, merely observed, but Bella being in his home was almost enough to relieve his worries for the day.

Esme announced that dinner would be ready soon, and Edward convinced Alice to give Bella a little time to recover from information overload. Edward led Bella to his room, like he had done a hundred thousand times before, but a new charge surrounded them when they opened his door. Bella was able to zero in on every little change since the last time she'd been in there. She plucked out every new CD, asked about the new poster on his wall, commented on how there wasn't clothing strewn about, and finally settled onto his bed. She could tell he had a new mattress.

Edward watched Bella survey his room, and he couldn't help but marvel at how right she looked in it. Bella had practically lived in this room along with him as they grew up. She consulted with him on what color to paint the walls and helped pick out the bedding. She belonged here as much as Edward did, and he knew that when she left tonight, he'd ache more than he had before.

It's hard to miss something when it's not fully recognized; Bella in his room was the dream become reality. And when it was so close to his fingertips, yet just out of reach, it's like having a part of himself ripped away. He knew his heart would rend tonight when she left him, left his room and his life, after settling in only long enough to know the rightness of it.

Edward burned but he tried not to show it.

"Will you come to the meadow after dinner? We have time," he whispered frantically. Bella turned to look at him, the urgency in his voice surprising her. She was reclined on his deep gold comforter as he prowled around the bed like a panther. Her pulse jumped as an image of Edward pouncing on her flashed through her mind. Her face heated up, and Bella knew she was giving herself away, but she couldn't stop.

"Yes. We have to go there," she told him with equal intensity. Their eyes locked until Esme called them down to eat.

Dinner was a quiet affair; the joy of reunion was in the air, but the impending departure of Bella had dampened spirits significantly. Bella wished Carlisle was able to join them, but knew that he stayed ridiculously busy for a small-town doctor. Bella had only just put her last bite into her mouth when Edward jumped up, taking her plate to the kitchen, and explaining to Esme that they'd be back soon. Esme looked at Bella and gave her a sad smile, and told them to be careful.

Bella hiked faster than she had before. She felt like she was racing against the clock of her imprisonment. She only wanted to get to the meadow, their meadow, and see Edward in it, photographing it in her mind, in case she didn't get to come back. The pair spoke little as they climbed in the encroaching summer sun. The air was wet with spring, but the days were still short. They entered their perfectly round meadow just before twilight.

Wordlessly they both trekked to the middle and sank down to the ground. There, amongst the wildflowers and the wind, with the glow of sunset on their faces, each of them was able to pretend that life was normal, just for a little while. The beauty of nature and friendship and love hung sweetly in the air as their eyes spoke to one another.

_I miss you. I want to help you. I don't know what to do._

_I'm scared. I need you, but I need to let you go._

_I don't want to be apart from you. Please. I'll do anything._

_I want to keep you even though I shouldn't._

_When did life get so hard?_

_When did we get so old?_

As night began to fall around them, the air buzzed with anticipation. Bella didn't know what was coming, but she could feel that something was changing. Edward watched her more meticulously than he had before. With each blink he was reminded of the Bella in his bad dreams as a child. Blink. Eyes too big for her face. Blink. Hair too dark. Blink. Skin too pale.

Bella traced his features with her eyes, making note of every perfect shape and flaw. She would remember this moment, with the last gold and purple rays of sunlight casting his wild hair into odd bronze-tinged colors, and his skin looking rich. She vowed to hold onto this memory. Even if everything else failed her, she would be able to picture this.

If Bella knew then what was coming, maybe she would've stopped Edward from doing what he did next. Or maybe she would've done it herself, sooner, faster, harder. Bella couldn't know, she could only feel the prickle of expectation as Edward moved slowly towards her, his eyes locked onto hers until he got close enough to touch her.

His breath blew over her face, washing her in warmth, and they both froze. She waited for what felt like an eternity, wanting desperately for him to kiss her, touch her, hold her, and wishing he wouldn't so she wouldn't miss it later. Bella's former hope came true as Edward's lips finally pressed to hers, and the spark that had only flickered dimly before then blazed hotter than a flash fire, and they both gasped. Bella's open mouth presented an invitation to Edward, and he took it. His tongue plunged into her mouth, tasting her for the first time, being tasted for the first time. He'd waited for Bella and he knew she'd waited for him.

Their teeth collided with inexperience, but their passion made up for it. Their tongues and hands tangled until they both lay flat, smashing flowers beneath them. Edward hovered over Bella's body until she pulled him onto her. She needed his weight on her, and Edward obliged. Bella's hands trailed over his shoulders, feeling the new muscles there, and traveled down to his waist, alternating caresses with kneading touches. Edward's right arm propped him up slightly so he wouldn't squish Bella into the soft ground, and his left hand was plunged into her hair.

Edward maneuvered his arm underneath her body, and turned them until he was on his back, and Bella didn't hesitate to cover him. Her long hair draped around their faces, shielding them from the outside. If someone were to walk through the woods, the tall wildflowers would hide them, protect them from the bitter world that wanted to break them.

In that moment, their problems didn't exist. Their worries and fears were invisible, and only their bodies and hearts existed. Bella and Edward could both feel how perfectly they fit together. Their fervency was enough to take them further, to take Edward inside of Bella, but their young minds were still immature enough to be satisfied with their progress. Edward was supposed to protect Bella, not take advantage of her. She rolled off of him, and curled into his side. They waited until they could see all the stars of the sky before they left.

Neither mentioned what had happened, but they walked hand in hand, both wearing their secret smiles. Edward loved the way flower petals were stuck in Bella's hair, and Bella loved to see the grass stain on the butt of Edward's jeans. Both were tangible pieces of their moment of ardor in their special meadow, in case either thought it was a dream later. The nearer to the house they got, the further from their love-struck bubble, and the more heartsick the pair grew.

Bella could feel her stomach begin to turn as she thought of how she'd probably never get to do this again. She could tell that something bad was on the horizon. The clear sky was a red herring; the storm was coming. She wanted to fall into her clear memory of Edward in the meadow, but the sorrow of going back into her world was too heavy. Edward's perfect sunset-lit face was fading to black.

Edward was lost in his own bittersweet turmoil. His heart was burning for Bella, every nerve ending in his body was pulsing for her, and he thought his insides might be on fire. But as he pictured her beneath him in their meadow, he realized his grave mistake.

He already knew it was hard to miss something that wasn't fully recognized, but he had given in and brought his dream to life. His fantasy couldn't hold a candle to the way Bella's body had felt, the way her mouth molded to his in response. Now that he had tasted her, felt the lines of her, and had her reciprocate, he knew that he would ache far more deeply than he had thought possible.

This night, he knew, would hurt more than all the others combined. As Rosalie's car pulled up to take Bella away from him, his heart froze over then shattered, leaving him full of shards of sharp glass, slicing his insides. He felt like he was bleeding out, and barely made it to his room before the pain was too great. Edward didn't realize he was crying out until a worried Esme ran into his room, begging him to tell her what was wrong. He looked up into her caring eyes, clutching his chest, doubled over in pain, and all he could say was,

"Bella."

* * *

A/N: Don't worry, it will soon be revealed why nothing had been done previously about Bella's potentially abusive home situation. Stick with me.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks again to PTB for their beta services.

This chapter is rated M for a reason -- if you are under age, please, do not read. We are brought up to present day later in the chapter, and will stay current from then on. No more (long) flashbacks.

* * *

_Still one year ago_

Esme busied herself by straightening up Edward's room while he was at school. She robotically put his pile of clean clothes into the appropriate drawers, and moved his dirty clothes to his hamper. As the floor began to show from beneath the piles of laundry and papers, Esme's mind flitted back to the scene she had discovered Friday night when Edward returned from the meadow.

A painful groan caught her attention, and when she found Edward crumpling on the floor, her brain flew through the possibilities. Food poisoning? Appendicitis? Did he fall? Hit something? Tears were welling up in his eyes and his face bore grief she'd never seen in Edward before.

There were always glimpses of his sadness since he was a little boy even, but never had he looked so…broken. She could remember the sadness that emanated from him when he first came to live with their family; she knew that he wasn't old enough to understand what he felt, or whom he was missing, but the three-year-old redheaded boy was more solemn than any child should be. Over the years he was able to mask his pain, and Esme knew he was sincerely thankful to be a part of the Cullen family.

Only recently, his façade began to crack. With every mention of Bella, his eyes flashed with anger, guilt and regret. Esme herself had battled with her own guilt regarding Bella's living situation, but knew there was nothing that could be done feasibly. She tried not to ask about Bella too often, but Alice's persistent inquiries were enough to drive Edward into a silent grief.

On Friday night, as she clutched Edward to her chest, trying to soothe his breaking heart, all she could think was, "Was there more that I could've done? Could I have prevented this?" Esme tried not to let her own pain show, as Edward was having difficulty holding himself together. Eventually, she coaxed him into lying down on his bed, and she ran her hands through his hair until he fell asleep.

His last words, whispered on barely a breath, were, "I miss her too much."

Esme had seen Edward falling in love with Bella when they were just children, before they could even comprehend what love truly was, and she knew that Bella felt the same. She missed Bella's calming presence in their household, and her ability to pacify all three of Esme's children with little effort. Esme only witnessed Emmett playing happily with Alice when Bella stepped in. Of course, Bella had to do nothing to appease Edward except exist.

She watched her youngest son fall into a fitful sleep that night, unsure of what had happened between the two young lovers, but fearful that whatever it was would be too deep a ravine to cross.

Esme's wandering mind came back to the present as she looked at Edward's alarm clock and realized she needed to pick her two children up from school. Alice chattered nonstop as they drove to the high school. Before Esme could even come to a complete stop, Edward had opened the back passenger side door and dove in without arguing with Alice over the front seat. Esme saw Edward's frantic eyes in her rearview mirror and didn't pause to question him.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I – I don't know, I just…I have a really bad feeling, Bella wasn't in school today and I'm just worried. I don't know. Mom, I'm scared. Can we – can you call over there or something? If Renee's home Bella won't be able to talk to me," Edward explained hurriedly. Esme watched him as she thought over the possible ramifications. Edward saw her hesitance. "Please, Mom."

Esme nodded but said nothing else. She tried to convince herself as she drove home that Bella was probably just sick, and there was no need to worry. She wanted to believe that, but seeing Edward's worried expression and feeling the gnawing in her own gut led her to admit that it was more likely that something bad was happening. She prayed silently that it wasn't the case.

Edward paced agitatedly in the living room as he listened to Esme's side of her telephone conversation. He couldn't stop moving, or running his hands through his hair in frustration. He couldn't put his finger on it, but from the moment he realized Bella wasn't coming to school that morning, he just knew…something had happened. He worried that Renee had found out about the two of them hanging out, or maybe Phil came home early from his trip. Edward knew it wasn't farfetched to think that either of them would overreact, and if Bella were hurt, Edward wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

"Oh, wonderful. Yes," Esme was saying amiably. She watched her son's anxious movements. "Also, um, I was just wondering – Edward mentioned that Bella wasn't in school today – is everything alright?"

"Well, no, but—"

Esme sighed in exasperation.

"You're what? Why? Renee. What exactly are you implying?" Edward halted his pacing and watched as Esme's face turned an unnatural shade of red. The hand not holding the phone was clenched tightly. Edward couldn't imagine what Renee was saying that would've affected Esme like that.

"We've known each other for – for over half our lives! Why are you saying these things?"

Edward watched in shock as Esme widened her eyes and then abruptly ended the call. He was afraid to ask what she had learned.

Esme turned to her son and watched the fear flash in his eyes.

"Bella is fine," she began.

"But?"

"Renee has decided to home-school Bella."

"Home-school? What – why? So I won't see her again, then, will I? School was the only thing we had, this isn't right! She can't do this. Why is she doing this?"

"Renee says it's for the best, so that she and Bella can travel with Phil more, and so that Bella isn't around…oh what was it she said? Oh! So that Bella wouldn't be around delinquents and unhealthy influences. Apparently she's trying to keep Bella 'uncorrupted.'"

"Bullshit! That's such fucking bullshit!" Edward shot Esme an apologetic glance but couldn't calm down enough to really mean it. "I hate her! I fucking hate her, I wish she had died instead of Charlie!"

Esme gasped at Edward's heated admission, but she knew that deep down she wished the same thing often. She and Renee had been close once, but Renee had spiraled down so far Esme couldn't even see her anymore, and when Renee emerged, she was a different person – stranger wearing Renee's body. She was bent on ruining her only daughter's life. Esme frequently battled with her guilt over her late night musings on what it would be like now if Renee was the one killed in the fateful car crash that took her dear friend away.

"Edward, I know you're upset, but this isn't the end of the world. You'll still see Bella, we'll figure something out," Esme said gently, though there was no confidence in her voice. She couldn't see a way out of this right now. She wished that Carlisle were on her side about the issue.

Edward swore repeatedly under his breath until he strode through the kitchen and out the back door. Esme didn't watch him at first, but eventually she turned and her eyes found her son kicking his soccer ball with too much force against their rickety shed. As she approached the kitchen window, she heard the wood creaking and groaning each time the ball hit it, until eventually, as she had seen coming, it gave way and fell into a dusty heap.

Edward only stopped to watch the destruction for a minute before heading toward the old wooden slats and kicking into them, a surefire way to break his foot. Esme rushed outside just as he fell to his knees. She approached him but said nothing, waiting for him to speak. Edward's eyes were dry and blank as he gazed out towards the trees lining their yard.

"I can't save her."

Esme choked back her own sob before nodding her agreement, wishing that it weren't true.

Edward lay in his bed that night and thought back on the Bella of his memories. She had always been beautiful, to him, though she was quite gangly for a period before puberty. He loved her long hair even when they were children, he liked to touch it, run his fingers through it, and have it spill over his wrists. It was beautiful, brown, lush; it was Bella.

Images of their shared childhood flashed behind his eyelids, playing like a movie. He saw her in her summer dress, running through their meadow, laughing and shouting and sometimes fighting. He saw her wading through the creek behind his house, her pants rolled up, her face lit in delight. He saw his own hand outstretched towards her. Her face was scrunched in concentration, her fingertips straining to reach his. He felt her finally grip his hand as he helped hoist her up into the tree he had climbed. They were fourteen, and Edward knew his love for her was burgeoning then. Bella had filled out over the summer, and her skin had begun to glow in the most appealing way.

He never saw her smile so wide or her eyes as excited as he did that night as they perched on a tree limb until night fell, sharing secrets. That night he felt the connection they'd always held deepen into something slightly more mature, something of their own choosing. He dreamed in the most idealistic way of their future together; he saw their wedding and children, but before that, their first time together. He couldn't deny the primal urge he had to touch her, taste her, claim her. He wanted her to be his as he was already hers.

Edward reflected on that glorious night with no little amount of nostalgic pain. That night was the last normal night they had together. The next day the Chief was in a car accident and passed away. Bella's grief was more than she could bear, and Edward struggled to comfort her. Moreover, their joint fear of Bella having to live with her mother was enough to drive the both to the point of irretrievable panic.

Edward remembered how sad she had looked as they stood next to the casket, watching it as they began to lower it into the ground. Bella would never see her father again. Edward would never see the man who made him promise to take care of Bella again, but he swore right then on Charlie's grave that he wouldn't break that promise. Edward could barely stand to look at Bella, but he could also barely stand to not touch her. She gripped his hand so tightly he lost feeling in it, but he wouldn't break the bond they had in that moment.

Bella's silent tears became too much for him, and he in his fourteen-year-old wisdom wiped them from her cheeks. Edward's hand was nearly dripping by the time he had wiped them all away, and as he looked at the glistening droplets on his fingers he wondered what Bella's tears would taste like. It was one part of Bella he could consume right then. Her sniffles brought him out of his morbid reverie and he lost his chance to taste the salt of her agony.

That day at the wake Edward gave her a tentative goodbye; Bella was staying at Renee's house now, and Renee had a new boyfriend. Edward met Phil but wasn't particularly impressed by him, and only noted how young the man seemed. Edward wasn't sure when he would see Bella again; school was only a few weeks away, and he feared he would have to face those last few weeks alone. As Bella was steered away from the other mourners with her mother and Phil flanking her on either side, Edward felt a twinge of worry. His gut told him that everything had changed even more than he had suspected. He knew Charlie's absence would create a new life for Bella, but Edward couldn't help but feel that somehow she was being led to her doom.

Esme came up to him then and put her arm around him.

"Did you meet Phil?" she asked courteously.

"I did…what'd you think?"

"He seems…nice."

"I think he seems creepy. I don't think Bella should live with them. No one even knows this Phil guy and remember how awful Renee is? Mom, we have to do somethi—"

"Edward, hush. I'm sure it'll be fine. It's just a new situation is all. You know that Renee has been doing much better – even Charlie thought so. She's making an effort, and I'm sure Bella will be safe with her. And from what Carlisle says, Phil is a good man. Calm down, all right? Now let's go home."

Edward wanted to scream petulantly. He wanted to stamp his foot. He didn't want to be at that weird age between a boy and a man where he had real adult concerns and no experience or maturity to deal with them. He wanted to shout like a caveman and hoist Bella over his shoulder and take her away from Renee and from Forks but he was frozen in his inability.

He knew he had to figure out how to protect her even when he couldn't be with her.

Edward stared at his darkened ceiling as he was unable to sleep. He didn't want the memory of the day Bella was taken from him to haunt him but he couldn't suppress it any longer. He tried to ignore that day, but he couldn't help but blame himself for not saying anything else. Maybe if he had voiced his concerns to someone else, or maybe if he had thrown that tantrum, maybe somehow Bella would've been saved. Maybe she could've been kept from Renee.

Esme said that he needn't to beat himself up over the past; what's done was done. He wanted to berate himself for being so foolish as to think that unstable Renee and creepy Phil could take care of his precious Bella. He knew he wasn't old enough to do anything about it, but it didn't stop him from worrying himself sick over it.

Edward wondered when he would see her again. If she wasn't at school anymore, he feared that it could be months before he was graced with her presence again. He could only pray that Rosalie somehow found the time to sneak her away again.

_Present Day_

Edward arrived at school and proceeded directly inside without stopping. The bell was ringing as he slid into his first period class, earning a warning glare from his teacher. He didn't look into any of his classmates' faces as he walked to his assigned seat. School had become more laborious than he'd ever thought possible. He was thankful his seat was at the back of the classroom.

He didn't pay attention to the teacher's lecture. He had already read _Frankenstein_ several times over; he knew he could pass any quiz or test on it with ease. He could write a lengthy, eloquent essay on it. Hell, Edward could lecture the class on it. It was for this reason that his teacher didn't call him out when Edward pulled the hood of his jacket up and covered his head as he slumped down in his chair. His knees hit the back of the desk in front of him.

Eric Yorkie shifted almost imperceptibly in his seat. Each day he felt Edward's lanky legs hit his chair, but Eric knew better than to say anything to Cullen about it. He'd already been verbally abused enough his junior year. Eric wasn't the only student afraid to confront Edward over his asshole-ish tendencies. Tyler Crowley learned his lesson after being pummeled by Edward during a "friendly" game of basketball in gym class. Edward, as usual, was sullen and moody, nearly spitting words at his teammates over their mistakes. Tyler merely asked him to "back the fuck off," but Edward did the opposite.

Even Edward hated the person he'd turned into over the past year. He didn't want to be a dick; he didn't want to have the entire school fearing him. Edward unfortunately battled dealing with his emotions for too long, and was unable to handle them. His sorrow over losing Bella, whom he hadn't seen or spoken to in over twelve months, threatened to drown him. He surmised that he could either succumb to his pain and wallow helplessly, or he could shut off all emotion and become an asshole.

So an asshole he became.

Edward knew Bella would've hated to see how he treated not only the boys at school, but the girls as well. While his male peers gave him a wide berth, the female population of Forks High was drawn to his bad-boy persona exponentially.

Edward's heart was rent past the point of no return. He knew that he would mourn his lost love perhaps for the rest of his life. He longed to ignore the advances of his classmates and dream only of his Bella, but he was weak. He was too broken, and with his numb demeanor came passivity.

It began at a college party he attended with Emmett. It wasn't the first time Edward drank, but he had never put back so much liquor before. The sorority girls at the party didn't mind that Edward was technically jailbait. They saw a new, pretty face with a slamming body and the copious amounts of alcohol they were partaking in made Edward that much more approachable.

Edward was approached by two twenty-year olds. They were thankfully both blonde. Edward could barely look at another brunette without feeling a slice in his heart. The blondes – Edward didn't quite catch their names – led him upstairs to an empty room. There was a part of him that didn't want to give in, but a larger part of him, the one fueled by alcohol, anger and rebellion, wanted to let go and forget about his predicament.

The two girls were extremely friendly, not only to Edward, but to one another. Edward had never seen two girls go down on one another before, and as much as he wanted to be repulsed over it, he couldn't deny his intense arousal. The girls simultaneously came while in their sixty-nine position and Edward was naked and stroking himself already. The girls promised him a good time, and they did not disappoint. Blonde number one rode him while blonde number two perched behind her, fondling the girl's breasts and clit, rubbing her own wetness on Edward's thigh.

They allowed Edward a breather while the two of them grinded on one another, more explicitly sexual than anything Edward's seventeen-year-old mind could conjure up. He fell into a stupor as he watched both sets of breasts bounce with each thrust, and before he knew it, he was at attention. Edward fucked blonde number two from behind. She knelt over the edge of the bed and planted herself face first into blonde number one's pussy.

Edward fell asleep and when he awoke in the morning, the girls were gone. His memory came to him with only flashes of his escapades. He knew that he had gone further than he had planned. He grieved momentarily over his lost virginity. He had wanted Bella to be his first, and he had ruined it. He didn't deserve her.

From that point on, Edward felt disgusted with himself, but denied himself nothing when it came to female company. He was making his way through the ranks of his high school, beginning with Lauren Mallory. He knew she had been after him for years, so Edward gave her a treat in his car one afternoon, and she screamed his name as she came on his hand.

Edward's list of conquests was into double digits. A voice in the back of his mind reminded him constantly of his one true love, and how hurt she would be to learn of what he'd been doing. But Edward was cold and distant; he was unable to feel anything but pain, so he soothed himself with the warmth of the female form and pushed his brown-eyed beauty from his mind.

Only deep in the dark of night, in his dreams and the moments of consciousness between them, did his mind go to her. He thought of her long wild hair, her summer dresses, their meadow. Only in those few quiet moments did he indulge his masochistic side – the side that dreamed of having her all to himself for once, then forever. His disgrace over his current actions always crept in and chased away his love, leaving behind a chasm that couldn't be filled.

Edward rose with the ringing of the bell, leaving one classroom for another, floating through his day experiencing little to nothing, except for his mini-adventure at lunchtime.

He nodded to Jane as he passed her cafeteria table, and headed to the doors on the opposite side. A few moments later she appeared before him. They said nothing as she pulled out a blunt and lit it, turning the corner and heading into a small copse of trees. The two passed it back and forth, taking a few hits, and proceeding to undress halfway as their hands brought relief to one another's sexual tension.

Edward was appeased for the rest of the day, but found himself still itching for something after school. Instead of heading home to face Esme, who was becoming increasingly aware of Edward's out-of-character behavior and in turn, nosy and paranoid, he found Tanya Denali. They drove down the road to her secluded home, stopping about halfway down her driveway, and parked to the side. Edward fucked her on the hood of her car, roaring with his release as Tanya called him name repeatedly.

He declined the invite to continue to her home and watch TV, so Tanya took him back to his car. Edward got in and turned the key in the ignition, but didn't drive off. He stared blankly out of his windshield as the sky began to darken. His mind was nearly empty, except for the tiny voice speaking again, questioning him relentlessly.

_Did you think that would make you feel better?_

_Did you think all those girls would make her forget her?_

_Did you honestly think you could wait for her?_

_You're a selfish prick who deserves to suffer alone. You let her down, not just once, but over and over. You let her go without a fight. You've left her to be abused. You're trying to fuck away your memory._

Edward shook his head, trying to loosen the self-loathing thoughts. Suddenly, Edward's tiny voice spoke with hope.

_Maybe it's not too late._

_Maybe you can still save her._

_Maybe she can be yours, if you'd just try. Don't be afraid._

Edward had heard that before, not only from the voice inside his head but from his mother, his brother and even his little sister who didn't quite get what was going on. Edward had been told those things repeatedly, but for once, he actually listened. He was filled with a renewed hope. Maybe he didn't have to live this way. Maybe he could help her, save her, get her away, do something, anything. He had to try. Not to relieve his own pain, or to redeem himself; he had to try because Bella was suffering, and she had never done a single thing to deserve it. Edward may deserve to suffer, but Bella was an angel, a battered angel whose wings were bound, but surely Edward could free her if he really tried.

He drove home with excitement, eager to speak with Esme and enlist her help. Edward needed her on his side if he was to succeed.

When Edward got to his house, he barely threw his car into park before he had his door wrenched open. He ran inside and nearly plowed into Esme who was heading towards the door after hearing a commotion.

"Mom, I need your help!"

"Honey, what is it? What's the matter?" Esme's adrenaline began to pump over the few short seconds it took Edward to spit out his demand.

"I, uh, I need you to, I don't know, call social services, or something. That's what they're called, right? You need to call them and file a complaint against Renee and Phil, get Bella out of there. You can do that, right? They'll investigate and take Bella away? I don't know why I never thought of this before."

Edward's breath was coming in quick bursts as he realized how stupidly he had ignored this option for years. Why hadn't he realized it sooner? Bella could've been free years ago, right after Charlie died.

"Edward, no, listen—"

"No?! You have to, Bella needs you to!"

"Edward, stop, listen to me—" Edward cut her off with a grunt as he thrust the cordless phone at her, shaking it in her face.

"Stop! Edward, it won't work, I've already tried it!"

Edward paused and watched as Esme's face reddened and her eyes flashed with what he assumed was annoyance with him.

"What do you mean?"

"I've called Child Protective Services three separate times, and nothing has ever happened," Esme said in a softer voice than before.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, they can't release that information to me. I called once when Bella was young. Remember when you were eight, and Bella had to stay at Renee's for the whole summer? I called, but I guess they didn't find enough evidence, but honey, I didn't give up. I've filed two reports since Renee got her; either Renee and Phil are good at hiding what they're doing, or maybe…."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe what we think is happening…isn't."

"What the hell? Of course it's happening! Renee is a cokehead and I wouldn't doubt that Phil is some kind of pedophile. That fucker is shady, I know it!"

Esme decided to overlook Edward's language. There was no need to chastise him now.

"Honey, has Bella ever actually told you that she's been abused? Have you ever seen anything firsthand?"

"Well, no, but I'm sure she's just scared. I don't know if they…I don't know if Renee hits her anymore, and I don't think that Phil's…oh God, I can't even say it. I don't know if she's got any physical scars, but I know she's emotionally scarred. The proof is there if someone would just really look for it."

Esme felt her eyes sting with tears as she looked into the compassionate and protective face of her son. She worried herself nearly sick over him since he went back to school last September. She couldn't sleep at night, could barely eat at dinner sometimes, and had a hard time putting her worries into words to explain to Carlisle. Edward hadn't been himself since Bella was pulled from school. Esme could see the telltale signs of drug use, and she'd found other things to alert her to his promiscuity. Carlisle chalked it up to being young and curious. Esme feared Edward was ignoring what was going on inside himself by self-medicating. She feared she'd lose Edward if something didn't happen.

Her last plea to CPS practically fell on deaf ears. They were aware that Esme had filed different reports, and whatever it was they were finding wasn't cause for removing Bella from the home. Esme had seen the way Bella's eyes held fear. She knew that Renee was causing Bella to be somewhat emotionally and socially stunted; Bella could interact with Edward and Alice all right, but apart from them and herself, Bella was awkward.

Bella had even begun to shy away from Emmett and Carlisle. The way she furtively watched the two men and flinched if they moved too suddenly towards her had Esme terrified. She spoke to Emmett about his boisterous nature, hoping he would tone down the bear hugs so as not to frighten her. She begged Carlisle to watch her more closely, to see if she was showing outward signs of sexual abuse. He told her he thought she was paranoid, but promised to pay more attention. Unfortunately that promise came too late, as Bella had only made one more visit to the Cullen home after Carlisle gave his word.

Esme knew little about Phil. She had heard from people in town that Phil had a short stint in the Major Leagues, but blew his shoulder out early on. He had successfully run for Mayor when he moved to Forks from Seattle, presumably to be closer to Renee. He was much younger than Renee, and probably closer to Bella's age. She knew that he lived in a cushy house on the outskirts of town, much like the Cullen home, but more modern. She also knew they employed at least one housekeeper, Rosalie, whom she had heard good things about, but didn't know much else.

A quick Google search didn't reveal much to Esme except that Phil had been arrested for drunk driving once, five years prior. Other than that, she had nothing to go on. She knew that Edward loved Bella desperately, and Esme only wished that there were some way to find out what really happened over at the Dwyer home.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I honestly just…I just don't know what else to do. I've tried, but I wish I had done more. Earlier. Before Bella got into this mess. I hate that I wasted so much time. I wish I…I should've pushed Charlie more, or threatened Renee, or…I don't know what else. I thought that maybe going through rehab would help Renee, and maybe she wouldn't resent Bella so much. I hoped that she could go back to the woman I used to know, but she didn't. I honestly…I honestly hate myself a little more each day when I think of the torment Bella must be enduring, and when…when I look at you. I know you love her Edward and I don't know what to do, I'm sorry…." Esme's words were caught off with a choking sob. She didn't want to show her weakness in front of Edward, but the guilt was too consuming. She was failing her son, she was failing Bella, and she was not the mother she had meant to be.

"Mom," Edward whispered as two tears rolled down his own cheeks. He said nothing else as he stepped forward and wrapped his mother up into a tight hug. Esme continued to cough and cry on his shoulder, singular words of apology coming from her lips at times. Edward needed to be strong, and he needed to figure a way out of this. He vowed to himself that he and Esme would think of something when they were done grieving lost time.

Edward eventually broke the silence, and Esme pulled away and wiped at her tear-streaked cheeks.

"Do you think Carlisle can help?"

Esme felt her heart clench when Edward said 'Carlisle' instead of 'Dad.' She couldn't remember exactly when that habit changed. Edward had viewed them both as his parents until he left pre-pubescence. She sighed quietly.

"No, I don't. I've talked to him countless times over the past two years and he's never thought there was anything there, and now…well, he's charmed. Like all the other men in this town, they're fan-boys in awe of the former Mariners shortstop, you know. And with Phil running for the Senate seat now, your dad is even less likely to help. He…he really seems to like Phil," she explain cautiously.

"He's an idiot."

"Edward! Do not say that about—"

"He is! I don't know what kind of voodoo Phil has going but Carlisle's practically in his back pocket. I know he's contributing to the campaign, I heard him talking on the phone in his study the other day. It's not right, he's keeping that cocksucker afloat—"

"Edward Anthony, watch your language! I know you're upset, and we're both worried, but you have got to calm down. Why don't you go upstairs and cool off, okay? We'll figure something out."

Esme's tone conveyed that her suggestion was more of an order, and Edward complied. He even had the good sense to look ashamed at what he had said about his father. After Edward left the room, Esme took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

She didn't want Edward to feel like he could disparage Carlisle like that, though Esme herself battled resentment towards him. She wanted her husband to admit that her worries were valid, or at least really listen to what she had to say. Every time she wanted to turn to him for help she held back; she didn't like keeping secrets, but she knew Carlisle wouldn't approve of her meddling. He didn't know she had called Child Protective Services since Phil came into the picture. She would have to figure out a solution on her own. Even though Edward was only seventeen, it comforted her to know that he was on her side, no matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly.

A/N: Here is an early update dedicated to all of those who have put this story on alert this week. I appreciate you reading and I hope you review and recommend your little hearts out! This chapter is a bit longer than the last three, so enjoy. There's some happy, fluffy fun here, with a dash of angst -- hard times are coming up next chapter, but don't worry, there is light on the horizon! Thanks to PTB for cleaning this up, once again.

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Bella looked up as her mother entered the kitchen. Renee was rushing around frenetically, picking up items and placing them somewhere else before opening the refrigerator door. Her fingers tapped out a disjointed rhythm where she held the door open, and her right foot tapped out of pace on the floor. Bella could see Renee's eyes darting to and fro, up and down, taking in the limited contents of the fridge. Bella could guess what Renee would emerge with.

Sure enough, Renee shut the door and held a bottle of water in her hand. Bella rarely saw her mother actually eat anything. Renee's almost emaciated face gave away her unhealthy habits, and her arms were sinewy and weak. Renee wore no makeup while at home, but always managed to cover up the dark circles under her eyes and her hollowed cheeks with the right foundation and blush. Renee was a pro at hiding what she wanted hidden.

Bella cast her eyes downward at her schoolwork before Renee could accuse her of spying. Bella knew the signs. She knew when to stay in her room, when to look away, when to be quiet. She knew when to indulge Renee and when to avoid her. She had figured out how to stay under the radar, thereby staying safe. Renee skidded into the edge of the dining table before leaving the kitchen, ignoring Bella's presence.

Bella refocused her attention on the essay she was writing. She was giving a synopsis and detailed opinion on Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein_. She had read the book already, but Renee made sure that Bella always only did the minimum schoolwork. She didn't want Bella to get ahead and get any ideas. She didn't want Bella to think she was advanced, or particularly intelligent. Regardless of what work Bella turned in, Renee always said it was "adequate" or "middling." She failed to praise Bella's gift in writing, or the creative way she presented her arguments. She didn't acknowledge the depth of Bella's vocabulary or natural ability. Renee preferred to keep Bella grounded in almost-failure, assuring herself that Bella would never wise up and leave, or expose them.

Renee had the gift of control, of manipulation. Bella thought herself barely average. Undesirable and ignorant.

Bella's mind drifted to Edward. Her mind drifted to him often, despite her intentions to rein it in. She thought back to the evening in the meadow, when Edward kissed her, and she knew he wanted her. She let herself feel his desire for a moment, then chastised herself for her fantasy. She knew that Edward wouldn't want her for real, for good. He wouldn't want her for the long term. Renee made sure to relay the tales of Forks' newest lothario whenever she had the chance.

Bella thought she knew Edward. She had held his every secret, and well over half of her memories since she was born starred him. She realized now that he was only trying to get something from her. He wanted her physically that night, but she knew he wouldn't have kept her. Edward always had a way with words, and she convinced herself that the look she thought she saw in his eyes – the softness, the love – was all part of the charade. He was going to use her, then toss her aside. She knew that now.

That knowledge didn't help Bella release her love for Edward, however. No matter what she told her heart, it wouldn't let go. It beat out Edward's name constantly, and ached when she thought of him. She was foolish and heartsick and stupid. Edward didn't love her, not like she loved him. She hoped one day she would accept it.

Bella was hard-pressed to want to move on, though. She didn't know what her life would be like when she finished school. She had spent so many years trapped under Renee's thumb that she doubted she could actually function in the real world. She was scared of freedom, for she knew she would fail at living.

Renee's raspy voice broke through Bella's mental wanderings.

"You're not going with us."

Bella searched the recesses of her mind trying to figure out what Renee could be referencing. She came up short, and with a deep breath she tentatively asked.

"I'm talking about the campaigning, Bella. Talking to donors? Phil and I decided that you would stay here with Rosalie. We've already talked to her about it. She's willing to live here full-time for the summer with you," Renee explained.

Bella turned and looked at her mother in shock. Renee's pupils nearly eclipsed her blue irises.

"Now don't get any ideas! Rosalie is under strict orders. You are going to continue your studies through the summer. You'll have to email me all of your assignments, and I'll be checking in often. She knows you can't go anywhere unattended, and I've listed all of the outlawed places, and I expect she'll stick to the rules. We're paying her nearly double, so you won't be able to talk her into letting you go off and fuck around, okay? You won't be getting into any trouble while we're gone. Don't even think about it!"

Renee punctuated her statement with a sharp poke to Bella's clavicle. Bella winced. That was the wrong thing to do. Showing weakness only spurred Renee on. Renee's hand moved swiftly to connect with Bella's cheek. Renee didn't hit to cause pain; she hit to assert control. Her tap wouldn't leave a mark, but it would sting long enough to remind Bella to stay in line.

"I can see you're plotting! Let me tell you this, little girl, no one would ever listen to you. Phil and I are trying to give you a good life, and you're too fucking stupid to appreciate it. You want to run off and throw a tantrum? You want to tell the town that its most beloved constituent is something he's not? They'd never believe you. We're perfect to this town. We're perfect for this town. Don't you dare think you can turn your life into fiction and make us the villains. No one would ever listen to you, because they'd see what a stupid slut you are. Rose didn't want to stay with you all summer because she thinks you're worthless. I practically had to beg her, do you hear me? So don't think anyone cares. No one does. Not Rose, not your loverboy or his poser parents, no one. Remember that, and be grateful that I even put up with you."

Renee left the room before Bella could respond. Bella's eyes were filled with tears and her cheek stung. She knew that no one cared about her. Renee didn't have to remind her. Bella tried to regulate her breathing. She focused on the fact that she was surprised Renee knew the word 'constituent' and she was able to calm down. She shook her head and looked back at her paper. She was glad to be away from Renee and Phil for the next couple of months, but she felt badly for shackling Rose to her for so long.

Bella really liked Rosalie, and despite what her mother said, she was sure that Rose liked her as well. Rose was kind and thoughtful; she hugged Bella when no one was around, and made her cookies and cupcakes. She doted on her and brought her small trinkets and knick-knacks. Things Bella could hide.

Even though Bella knew that Renee would still somehow keep a close eye on her all summer, she was thankful that she might be able to truly breathe for once. Even if she still couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone, at least she wouldn't have to walk on eggshells in her own home.

The next few days passed quickly. Bella kept her nose buried in her schoolwork. She was worried that any misstep on her part would cause Renee to change her mind. Going on the road with the two of them was a nightmare Bella did not desire to repeat.

The day that Renee and Phil left, Bella was feeling strangely hopeful. She didn't have any friends besides Rosalie, but she thought that the pair might enjoy their summer together. Rose was smart and liked to read, and Bella loved to listen to her recount the books she'd read. Bella was only allowed to read things assigned to her by the homeschooling association that Renee was a part of. She longed to read other things, but Rose was a good storyteller. It was just as good to Bella.

Renee left a small binder on the kitchen table. It was filled with prohibited people, places and things. It outlined the itinerary that Renee and Phil would be following, as well as Bella's extra summer assignments. Renee told Bella goodbye, and with a parting glare, warned her to stay in line. Bella often wondered why Renee threatened her like she did. Bella had never been in trouble a day in her life! She was always well behaved as a child, and did as she was told. Bella had only kissed one boy, one time; she had never snuck out or drank or gotten into any of Renee's secret stash. She didn't know why Renee suspected her to get into trouble so frequently, but she didn't dare question her.

Phil whispered in Bella's ear, his breath sending cold shivers down her spine.

"I'll miss you, Bells."

She hated that Phil used her father's nickname for her. Phil never laid a hand on her, but he liked staying close enough to make her uncomfortable. The lecherous looks he gave her made her feel dirty and wrong, and the way his eyes roved over her body were intense enough it was like his hands were stroking her instead. She wished he'd stop looking at her like that. Renee always insinuated that Bella caused Phil to look, and that she was a whore for it. Bella kept her body well hidden in loose clothing, but Phil's eyes watched her still. She didn't want to anger her mother, but she couldn't make Phil stop.

Bella was just thankful that only Phil's eyes lingered on her.

Rose stepped into the kitchen just as Phil started the ignition in his BMW. She trained her eyes on Bella's back and waited until the car was out of sight.

"This is going to be a great summer, Bella. I promise."

Bella turned to look at her, and Rose saw that Bella's usually flat eyes had a spark of hope in them. She nodded shyly. Rose smiled and stepped towards her.

"How 'bout we go get pedicures? My treat!" She wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders and led her towards the stairs. "Go get dressed. We'll get some lunch while we're out."

Bella looked at Rose in surprise. She couldn't put a name on the feeling that swelled within her when she saw the genuine excitement in Rose's eyes. Bella nodded enthusiastically and ran up the stairs, tripping once in her haste.

Bella hoped that Rosalie was right; she wanted desperately to have a great summer. She pulled on a pair of jeans and one of her standard, solid-print t-shirts. She started to grab her tennis shoes, but thought better of it. Bella had never had a pedicure before, but she knew it was a good idea to grab her flip-flops instead. She ran back downstairs while pulling her hair into a loose ponytail. She hoped that pedicures weren't against the rules – Bella wouldn't put it past Renee to examine her entire body when she returned later in the summer.

Rose was finishing up a text when Bella bounded excitedly into the room. Rosalie was relieved that Bella was looking forward to getting out of the house. She worried constantly over Bella. One of the reasons she decided to keep working for the Dwyer's was that she wanted to be able to watch out for Bella. Rose suspected that Bella wasn't treated well, but she had never seen anything with her own eyes to confirm it. She hoped that over the next several weeks Bella would feel more comfortable with her, and maybe would be willing to open up about what went on when she wasn't around.

Rose didn't want to overwhelm Bella during her first trip out of the house in months, and she hoped that Bella would be even more excited when she got her surprise at the nail spa.

"Is it okay for us to be going out like this? I didn't look through the binder yet, and I don't want you to get into trouble. I don't need a pedicure if it's not allowed," Bella explained. Rose shook her head firmly.

"No need to worry, Bella. I've got everything under control. And no, pedicures aren't specifically banned or anything," Rose said with a smile.

"Well, what if Renee calls? Will we get in trouble for being gone?"

"I've got a plan for that, too. Don't worry, honestly. Just enjoy being a teenager and going out, okay? I miss those days. You should cherish them."

Rose felt a pang of wistful shame that Bella hadn't been able to cherish her teenage years. She knew that other than the one day she took Bella to the Cullen's, Bella hadn't done anything a normal teenager does. Rose picked up the home phone extension, and after dialing a series of numbers, hung up.

"Alright, we're all set!"

Rose led the way out of the house and Bella climbed into the car with her.

"What did you do with the phone?"

"I programmed it to forward all calls to my cell. So if Renee calls it will come to my phone and she will be none the wiser."

Bella's mouth dropped open in shock. Rose was being…deceitful. Bella liked it.

"Why are you going to all this trouble just to take me out today?"

"Bella, to be honest, I'm planning on spoiling the shit out of you this summer, okay? I've thought this whole plan out, and as long as you can keep up with your assignments, I see no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to have a little fun, okay? You trust me?"

Bella nodded quickly. She did trust Rose. And she couldn't help but look forward to all of the things that she might be able to do this summer without having to worry about Renee and Phil. Bella smiled and watched the houses fly by. She realized quickly that Rose was taking them to Port Angeles. Bella couldn't hide her enthusiasm as they neared the rows of shops that lined the downtown area. She hadn't been to Port Angeles in years. The last time she was here, Esme had taken her and Edward to the movies.

Esme even agreed to sit two rows in front of them so they could pretend they had come on their own. They were twelve. Bella remembered sneaking in as many touches as she possibly could. Each time Edward reached to get a handful of popcorn, Bella would too. It thrilled her to graze his skin with hers, even if for only a second and in the most innocent way she could find.

Rose parked in front of a nice looking spa. Bella watched Rose walk gracefully towards the front entrance of the building, and she couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. Rose was tall, built like a model, but natural. She rarely wore makeup and the blonde waves cascading down her back were air-dried. Bella wanted to be jealous, but Rose's inside was as beautiful as her surface, and Bella was glad that Rose was granted such good fortune.

Bella was too busy taking in the décor of the upscale spa to notice the two people sitting in the waiting area. An excited shriek caught her attention, and Bella turned just in time to be attacked by a grey-eyed beauty with short black hair.

"Alice! What are you doing here? It's so good to see you! I love your hair – and you've gotten so tall, oh my goodness!" Bella wasn't usually one for such chatter, but her delight in seeing her almost-little-sister was enough to send her rambling.

"I'm here to hang out with you, silly! I just got my hair cut last week. Dad hates it!" Alice wore light makeup that accentuated her already flawless skin and perfectly symmetrical features. Alice had really grown up, and Bella couldn't believe that she looked so…mature.

Bella surreptitiously stole a glance down Alice's body, noting her new breasts and widened hips, clothed in a fashionable, yet modest, outfit. Bella was sure that thirteen-year-old Alice looked more grown up than Bella did in her oversized shirt and ratty jeans. Bella wasn't allowed to wear any makeup, and didn't have a hair dryer. Bella pushed aside her irrational envy and focused on the surprise of seeing her friend after so long.

"Are you out of school already?"

"No, we have a few days left, but Mom let me skip today to come see you!"

At Alice's words, Bella finally looked around to discover Esme talking to Rose and watching the girls. The look of love on Esme's face was enough to bring tears to Bella's eyes. She rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Esme's waist and leaned her head on her shoulder. Esme gripped her tightly and rocked her side to side.

"It's so good to see you, my beauty. I've missed you," Esme whispered, her own voice cracking with the sob she had to suppress.

Esme was overjoyed to finally spend time with Bella after so long, but she wasn't prepared for what she saw. Bella was as beautiful as she always had been, but her usually glowing porcelain skin had turned sallow and her cheekbones were more prominent than Esme remembered. Bella's hair was long and stringy, her clothes were old and ill-fitting, and her brown eyes lacked the luster they used to hold. Esme wanted to hug her tight enough to fill out her soul with peace that would smooth over the neglected surfaces of her.

She pulled back and looked at Bella's tear-streaked face and smiled. Esme stroked her cheeks as the receptionist tried to lead them back to the pedicure tubs. The four of them were able to all sit side-by-side on a long bench, close enough to talk and giggle. Alice and Bella sat in the middle and Alice began to relay all of the news she had stored up in an entire year.

"…and then I got a new boyfriend and we're still going out! It's been two months and we went to the dance together last month and he kissed me! It was this long – 1234 – and it was great! His name is Jasper and he's in my grade and he said he'll call me every day this summer and Mom said that we can go to the movies and she would sit in front of us like she did with you and Edward – oh! Edward can't wait to see you and I think he's in lo—"

"Alice, honey, don't overwhelm Bella. And I already told you you're too young to be kissing boys! Honestly, Bella, she's thirteen going on twenty-five."

Esme winked at Bella behind Alice's suddenly pouty face. Bella smiled but was shocked that Alice was already more experienced than Bella was. She was also surprised that Edward wanted to see her. She tamped down her pleasure by reminding herself that they had been best friends for years, and he probably just wanted to talk to her about things.

She wondered if he talked to anyone about his girlfriends. She wondered if they were girlfriends, or if he just fucked around with them. She wondered what exactly he did with them. Renee always had a story to tell, and it sounded like Edward was never left wanting. Edward had no need for Bella, except to be his friend.

"Bella, I was hoping you would come over tonight for dinner. Emmett's home from college all ready, and he would love to see you. So would Edward, like Alice said. And Rosalie is going to come, too."

Bella turned to look at Rose for confirmation. She nodded and smiled encouragingly.

"I don't know, I should probably get started on some of my schoolwork…" Bella trailed off when she saw the disappointment etched on both Alice and Esme's faces. Even Rose looked a little let down.

"Can't it wait 'til tomorrow?" Alice asked hopefully.

Bella thought about her options. She could either stay at home and work on her assignments, and probably bore Rose to death, or she could go and spend time with what used to be her second family. And see Edward.

Even if Edward had no need for Bella, she felt absolutely desperate to see him. It had been too long. She would try to act normal and not scare him off…but her heart ached again just thinking of being with him in a few short hours.

"Yeah, it can wait."

Alice clapped her hands excitedly. Rose looked on with pride, though Bella couldn't imagine what would make Rose be proud of her.

"Well, I say that we go eat lunch from here, and then I was thinking we could go shopping. How does that sound?" Esme looked directly at Bella. Bella nodded in affirmation, though she had no interest in watching the others shop.

"I think we should get you some summer dresses, and maybe some new sandals? What about jewelry, do you like to wear it? Do you have a purse? Makeup? Maybe we should get you a haircut while we're out…" Esme said while Alice nodded in agreement.

"Wait, what? You want to buy me clothes? And a haircut? Esme, you don't have to do that."

"I know, sweetie. I want to. You used to always love running around in sundresses in the summer, even when it rained. You remember?"

Bella did remember. Her summers were filled with days both sunny and overcast; she wore flowing dresses and ran through the meadow with Edward. It hurt to remember.

"Yeah…but…I don't really wear dresses anymore," she said quietly. Bella couldn't show skin like that anymore. She didn't want to attract attention from Phil, and Renee would never allow it.

Esme's eyes darkened with sadness. Bella wasn't the carefree, wild-haired girl that she once was. Esme worried that Bella's innocence was lost forever. She watched as Rose nudged Bella gently and then leaned closer to her.

"Why don't we get you a few summer dresses, and we can put them in my closet, just in case?"

Bella looked at Rose apologetically. There was no reason for her to be sorry, but Bella felt like such an inconvenience to everyone. Esme was spending money on her, Rose was risking her job for her, and Bella was giving them nothing in return.

Bella sniffed quietly and murmured her agreement. She turned and tried to smile at Alice and Esme. Alice returned her smile before shooting her mother a worried look. Even though she was young, Alice could sense the darkness looming over Bella's spirit, threatening to suffocate her. Alice knew that Bella wasn't far from being pushed down too deep. She had to help her friend.

"Well, I say we go to Bella Italia for lunch, in honor of our Bella being with us, and then we can go to the mall. Bella needs at least five dresses, three pairs of shorts, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of sandals, maybe a couple necklaces, a purse and she definitely needs a haircut! We've got plenty to do before dinner!"

Esme laughed good-naturedly at her daughter. She knew that Alice was trying to lighten the situation and distract Bella with her extravagant exuberance. Alice hadn't asked too many questions about Bella's situation. She typically only inquired about Bella's whereabouts but never seemed to have to ask why Bella had to stay away. Esme knew Alice was aware of more than she let on, but she was hesitant to burden her young daughter with the troubles of the world. Alice deserved a little more time to be oblivious. _If only Bella had gotten more time_, she thought.

The four ladies proceeded to follow Alice's schedule for the afternoon. Lunch was an unhurried affair, even if Alice insisted that they needed to rush. Bella hadn't eaten at a restaurant in longer than she could remember. Rosalie got along well with Esme. Bella noted that they seemed to have a lot in common, though she assumed Rose wasn't older than twenty-two or twenty-three. Esme always carried a young spirit, and paired with Rose's uncanny maternal instincts, the two were becoming fast friends.

Alice told Bella more about her new boyfriend, whispering so that Esme couldn't hear the more sordid details of their courtship. Alice confessed behind a rack of dresses that she and Jasper had "Frenched for like, five minutes," the day before. Bella couldn't imagine getting away from Renee to do anything for five minutes. But Alice wasn't Bella, and Esme wasn't Renee; Alice still went to school and talked on the phone to her friends. She had freedom, though somewhat limited due to her young age, but she still had a life.

Alice's tales of the "B-words" at school even made her miss the days of hiding from Lauren Mallory's clique at school, and holing up with Edward in the library during lunch. She missed being Edward's lab partner and she missed walking to class with Angela. She even missed having to look at Mike Newton's too-gelled spiky hair in English. Bella longed for the dingy halls of Forks High, if for just a moment, so she could feel normal again.

But Bella's normal had shrunk to the size of a keyhole. Her home was her prison, her room her one respite, and the kitchen her dungeon. The kitchen was where she had to do her homework, where Renee loved to berate her most, and where Phil loved to hover over her shoulder, never touching, but always threatening. He straightened up when Renee entered the room, but Bella could still feel his eyes on her. Her neck burned with disgust every time he stood behind her, out of her sight, making his actions seem that much more deplorable. Bella wandered their large yard from time to time, but after Renee's repeated lectures about being out of sight, she stopped. There was a tire swing hung on a tree limb that she had never utilized. Somehow the fact that there was a piece of possible delight on the edge of her prison yard made it more unsavory. She feared that giving in and swinging on the tire would only enlighten Bella to how desolate her life truly was. She didn't want to fly for a moment only to be brought crashing down to earth right after.

Bella was sent into dressing room after dressing room to try on clothes that were picked for her. Most of the items were tighter than she was used to, or shorter or lower or thinner. Esme, Alice and Rose ganged up on her and tried to convince her that she looked good. Bella looked in the three-way mirrors and saw a too skinny, underdeveloped girl with awkward posture and frightened eyes. Esme said that she was beautiful, Rose said she was perfect, and Alice claimed that Edward's eyes would fall out of his head. Bella laughed loudly because she couldn't imagine that anything about her would ever cause Edward to react in such a way. She knew that he hadn't been experienced with girls when they had kissed in the meadow, but he had made up for lost time in the past year.

Bella knew that when Edward saw her for the first time since then, he would be disappointed. She wanted to accept that fact before seeing him. His disappointment would be enough; she didn't want to have to lick her own wounds as well.

Bella was bullied into getting her haircut. As they entered the salon, Bella grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her back to talk to her in private.

"Won't this…get us into trouble? Renee will surely notice if I have a haircut," Bella pointed out.

"Haircuts were not off limits. Specifically, I think something was mentioned about not altering or enhancing your appearance, but…you're practically just getting a trim. It'll be grown back out somewhat by the time Renee returns."

Bella looked at Rose pleadingly. She didn't know why Rose was going to so much trouble just for her. She was glad that Rose had thought ahead, but things were getting out of hand. Bella felt weary from being with people all day. She wasn't used to so much exposure. And change. She wasn't used to change at all.

"Bella, listen to me. I would never, ever do anything to get you in trouble, okay? You have to believe me. I want to help you. I just think…I think you deserve to have some good things. You are so smart and beautiful and I just want you to have a chance to really…be normal. You know? You deserve it. Let me give this to you, this summer. I know you're worried about your mother finding out, and I'll do everything in my power to protect you. Just trust me," Rose explained while looking Bella directly in the eye.

Bella nodded, feeling unworthy of Rose's attention. She was thankful for having such a great friend. She wanted to be normal for once. Maybe she could pretend for just a little while.

"I can't believe Renee was willing to leave me behind, though. She's made me go to a ton of campaign stuff before."

"Well, I had to work on her for a while. I convinced her that you would just distract the two of them on the road, and I pointed out that she and Phil hadn't had any time alone in a long time," Rose told her.

"You talked her into letting me stay?"

"Yeah. I told her that I'd make sure you adhered to your usual schedule and regulations. She agreed. She trusts me."

Bella watched Rose's eyes flash with defiance. She realized then that Rose didn't like her mother. She realized that Rose was enjoying disregarding Renee's wishes. She also realized that Rose had a fiercely protective side, and that she wasn't afraid to fight. Bella knew then that Rose really would keep her safe.

"You really wanted to stay with me, then?"

"Of course. I think we get along quite well, don't you?"

Bella nodded emphatically and the two of them walked into the salon where Esme and Alice were talking animatedly to a stylist about what they wanted him to do with Bella's hair.

Bella was a ball of nerves as the stylist made small talk with her. He complimented her hair – the color, the texture, the density, the length. He told her she had beautiful eyes. He said her skin was gorgeous. Bella was fairly certain he was gay, so she ascertained that he was fishing for a good tip. Bella knew there wasn't anything special to her, but she accepted his compliments with grace.

By the time he had blown her hair dry, Bella was nearly asleep. As he turned the chair so that she could see her reflection in the mirror, Bella heard twin gasps from Esme and Alice. Rose whistled and Bella took in her appearance. Rose was right; her hair wasn't that much shorter. It wouldn't be noticeable by the time Renee came home. She had long layers that framed her face better, and her hair looked fuller and healthier. Even Bella had to admit that she looked good.

When all four women and their plethora of bags were loaded into the two cars they had driven, Bella was struck by what was going to happen in the next two hours. All of the excitement of the day had distracted her from realizing how nervous she was about seeing Edward. Bella barely spoke the entire drive back to Forks, despite Rose's attempts at conversation.

Rose could tell that Bella was tired, but she was concerned that maybe the day had been too much for her. Maybe Rose was incorrect in assuming that Bella wanted to go to the Cullen's, and see Edward. Maybe Rose was wrong for trying to get Bella out of her shell. Maybe Rose was making a big mistake.

Suddenly Rosalie was wishing for someone to talk to. She obviously couldn't turn to Bella for help, and Esme had been very encouraging when Rose had called her last week with her ideas. Rose didn't have any close friends in the area, and spent most of her time at the Dwyer's. Rose wondered if she was an idiot for so openly flaunting her disrespect for them the day they left. Without warning, Rose was plagued with all of the possible consequences she would be facing for her actions.

She could be fired, which would be fine. She didn't like working for them, though they paid her well. Renee could ruin Rose's reputation around Forks rather easily, but Rose had never necessarily been welcomed into the town in the first place. She may have to move, but she had relocated plenty of times. It would be no problem. Nothing was tying her to the town, except for Bella.

Bella.

The real consequences, the ones that scared her, the ones that could keep her up at night, they centered on Bella. Although Rose had never seen Renee hit Bella, she was certain that it happened. Bella flinched too often to have never been slapped around at least a little. Phil reminded Rose of her ex-boyfriend, Royce, who ended up being one of the most despicable bastards to ever walk the earth. Rose suspected that Phil was capable of some of the darkest deeds she could imagine, but had no idea what he had done. Bella hadn't confided in her yet.

All of the horrific situations Bella could find herself in flashed through Rose's mind as she second-guessed herself. Perhaps she was pushing the envelope too far. Just as Rose was about to proclaim they were aborting "Mission Freedom" her phone rang. She recognized Renee's cell number and knew that it was a forwarded call from the home. Rose alerted Bella to the call before she answered it.

"Dwyer residence."

"Rosalie, how's everything going? I trust that Bella isn't giving you any problems?"

"Nope, not a one. She's done some schoolwork so far and now we're getting ready to make dinner. She offered to help."

"Good, she needs to be useful. Sorry again to burden you with watching her. I know how fucking tiring it can be to keep her in line."

Rose bit her tongue to keep from arguing. She knew that Renee was unnaturally paranoid and didn't need to provoke her.

"I know what you mean. But somebody's gotta do it, right?"

"Unfortunately for now. As long as you keep up with your end of the deal it'll be fine. You'll get your bonus. I know you want to go back to school in the fall, and we want to make sure you can. We'll take care of you if you take care of us."

"I know. Thank you, Renee."

"I'll call tomorrow. I don't feel like talking to Bella right now. Traveling's gotten me in a mood and I don't need her making things worse."

"Of course. Talk to you tomorrow."

Rose ended the call and looked at Bella.

"Everything's fine. She said she'll call tomorrow to talk to you. No worries," Rose explained. Renee's harsh words about her own daughter reminded Rose why she was going through with all of this. Rose knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if it came down to it, she could take Renee. She wasn't afraid of her. Rose felt confident in her plan once again.

"You want to go the Cullen's, right Bella?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to make sure you knew that you didn't have to go. If you want to put this off, we can. If you're tired, or…nervous. Esme would understand."

"I'm not nervous. I'm fine. Well, I'm a little tired, but it'll be fine. I'm looking forward to seeing everybody," Bella told her. Bella kept her eyes trained on the blurring trees and darkening sky. She was so nervous she thought she might get sick, but she didn't want to go home. She had to see Edward.

The drive to the Cullen's didn't seem as long as Bella remembered. As they pulled in behind Esme, the front door opened and Emmett bounded out. Before Bella could get out of the car, Emmett had wrenched her door open and picked her up.

"Smella Bella! It's been too damn long, girl!"

Bella laughed as she hung like a rag doll in Emmett's massive arms. She was glad to see him, but as her eyes focused over his shoulder, she saw the red hair of her best friend glimmer in the porch light. Bella's eyes were trained on Edward and she felt as though time stopped. It was melodramatic, she knew, but she couldn't help but feel breathless as she took in his features. His jaw seemed sharper than she remembered, his shoulders broader, and his eyes were somehow glowing in the dusk that had settled around them.

Edward was unmoving as he saw Bella's tiny form engulfed by Emmett. He saw her brown hair spilling over Emmett's arms and he was jealous. He wanted to run his fingers through it and let it coat his wrists. He saw her flushed cheeks and burned as he thought of the beauty of her blush. He wanted to run to her, steal her away from Emmett, from everyone, and take her to their meadow right then. He wanted to do so many things, but he was frozen. Bella was more ravishing than he recalled, but as he looked into her dark eyes from yards away, he was disturbed by the despair he saw there.

Bella saw the pained look on Edward's face and wondered if he didn't want to see her. She began to fret immediately, imagining all of the ways he could reject her now that she was here. She had been so hungry for him, she hadn't properly prepared herself for his reaction. Emmett set her down and she heard him introduce himself to Rose and offer to help with the bags. Esme and Alice both herded past Edward with their arms full, but Edward was still. Rose followed Emmett into the house, casting a glance back at Bella before she was out of sight.

Bella steeled herself to approach him. With each step in his direction, his eyes grew brighter and his jaw clenched tighter. Bella almost trembled with her fear. She wanted to get past him and hide from him in his own house. She wanted to turn and run away, never seeing him again, and erasing this moment from her brain. She wanted to do so many things, but instead she continued on her path of emotional destruction.

Edward took in Bella's gaunt face and bony shoulders and was angry. He wished that Renee were present. Edward would have no qualms about hitting her. Bella shouldn't have been locked away for the past year. Renee shouldn't be allowed to parent anyone. Edward shouldn't have kept quiet about his suspicions. Bella looked at her feet and when she started to walk around him, Edward felt his hurt rise up like bile in his throat. Was she ignoring him? Did she not want to see him? Had she forgotten that he loved her, that he was hers?

Edward grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest before she could protest. Bella gasped in surprise as she felt Edward's strong arms come around her shoulders and hold her tightly to him. He was warm and comforting, he smelled exactly like she remembered, and in that moment her past life flipped through her mind like a slide show.

Summers together, the meadow, the trees, fall and leaves in piles and bonfires and s'mores, winters and snow angels and hot chocolate and spring and baseball and fireflies. Picture after picture of their life together encapsulated in one embrace. Bella shook with the memories, longing and grief crashing together in her heart and tearing her apart. She wanted to be back there again, but she wished she'd never lived them at all. It was harder to remember what had been, than to have never had it to begin with. It was too painful this way.

Edward's voice was hushed as he whispered in her ear, stroking her hair away from her face.

"God, I missed you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow -- sorry this is so late, guys! I'm going to try my best to get Chapter 6 posted by the end of the week to make up for it. This chapter's a bit of an emotional doozy, but hang in there. Thanks so much for reading! PTB beta'd this one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a bit of it.**

**Songs for this chapter: She & Him - "Sentimental Heart," and Frightened Rabbit "Keep Yourself Warm."**

* * *

Edward eventually pulled away from Bella, watching her tortured gaze avoid his. She looked at everything except him, and he wanted to scream at her to just see him. All he saw was her.

They entered the house to find Alice replaying the events of the day to a dazed-looking Emmett. He nodded along while he listened, but his eyes kept sliding over to Rosalie, who stood talking to Esme while pulling various items out of bags. Rosalie didn't look at Emmett, but she couldn't deny the thrill that ran through her when she saw him for the first time. He was a little young, probably a year or two younger than her, but there was something in his smile, his dimples, and his twinkling grey eyes that captured her attention immediately.

Esme turned to watch Bella and Edward enter the room. Her smile was wide until she took in Bella's distressed face. She looked to Edward questioningly, but he looked just as bewildered. He looked unsure and so uncomfortable it was like his skin had shrunk on his body.

Esme announced that she was going to start dinner, and the look she sent Edward was meant to scare him into making things right with Bella. He took the hint.

"Hey, let's go up to my room until dinner's ready," he said to Bella, reaching out for her hand.

Bella stepped away from him quickly.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? I haven't seen you in over a year. I want to hang out with you," he explained, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"I should help with dinner," Bella said.

"No, Rose and I can handle it," Esme interjected.

"And I'll help," Emmett stated. Esme's look of surprise turned to realization as she saw her oldest son steal another glance at Rosalie.

"Come on, let's go," Edward tried again.

"Let's hang out down here," Bella offered.

"I want to show you something in my room. Bella, come on. You've been up there before."

Bella looked to Rose and Esme for help. She was afraid of going to Edward's room with him. She was afraid that she'd feel too much, being alone with him in a room that held so many memories. She didn't want to hurt more than she already did. She also was afraid of the ghosts haunting his room now. She didn't want to face the echoes of other girls between his sheets, saying his name, leaving their smell on his things and ruining him for her.

"I'll call you when dinner's ready, honey. Go on, just keep the door open," Esme said with a stern look at Edward.

Bella relented, if only to appease everyone; the kitchen was stiflingly awkward. She followed Edward up the stairs, each step feeling like it was ripping another shred of her heart away from her chest cavity.

They reached his door, and Bella stopped to survey the changes made to Edward's room in her absence. She noticed that he had taken everything down from his walls. No more posters of bands or movies wallpapered the dark walls, and now the space felt too large. Edward's desk was neater than she'd ever seen it. There were no movie ticket stubs littering its surface. Edward's bed looked the same, though Bella's eyes wouldn't linger on it for long. She stepped in and walked over to the leather couch situated in the corner and sat on the edge. She looked ready to flee at any moment.

Edward studied Bella as she took in his room. He couldn't help but think she acted like a spooked animal. She was uneasy in his presence, something she had never been before. Edward didn't know why she was spooked, but he wanted to fix it. He desired to hold her and kiss her and tell her he felt like he was in pieces when she was taken from him. He wanted her to put him back together, but he didn't want to scare her, or pressure her. Edward was at a loss as to what to do.

"I forgot how many books you had," Bella said to break the silence.

Edward turned to look at his bookshelf. He hadn't touched a single book since he'd seen her last. They were tainted with Bella, and he couldn't bear to handle them. Everything in his room had screamed of Bella, so he stripped his walls and hid away the notes she'd written him. He couldn't deal with seeing the remnants of their life each day, mocking his loss.

"I haven't read any of these," she said as she stood and traced her fingers along their spines.

Edward's own spine tingled as he imagined her fingers running down it. He closed his eyes to gain control over himself before he spoke.

"You can borrow some if you want. Any of them. All of them. Whichever ones you want."

"Oh, no, I couldn't."

"Sure you could. I'm not planning on reading them anytime soon."

"No, I – I'm not supposed to. I shouldn't take them."

Edward processed her words, and tried to listen to what she wasn't saying. She's not supposed to, meaning someone told her not to. Edward's temper flared again as he thought of Renee and her ridiculous notions.

"Bella, Renee's gone for months, right? Take them – she won't know."

Bella looked at Edward for the first time since they'd entered the house. She wanted to be surprised that he'd figured her out so quickly, but she wasn't. Edward knew her better than anyone, even if she hid her darker parts from him.

Edward held her gaze, and he could feel the electricity in the air between them. His body moved of its own volition, and before he could stop himself he was running his hands through Bella's hair and breathing in her scent. He was so lost in his olfactory overload that he almost missed her whimper.

Bella's head had dropped, and he didn't understand what had happened. He was very gentle with her; he hadn't meant to hurt her. He put his finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. The pain he saw in her eyes was enough to stab him as well.

"What is it?"

"What are we – what are you doing?"

"Bella, I just…I need you, I missed you so much. It…it hurt to be away from you for so long, I swear it may sound stupid but it's like half my self was gone with you."

Bella heard the sincerity in his tone but she remembered the game he was playing at. He probably said romantic things like that to all the girls he brought to his bedroom. She didn't want to be doe-eyed and fall for it. She was inexperienced, but she wasn't that stupid.

"I don't…want…."

Edward waited for her to finish, but she didn't. Her eyes shifted to stare at his forehead but Edward saw the struggle in them.

"What? What don't you want?"

"I don't want to be another notch on your bedpost," Bella whispered.

Edward felt his heart stutter before picking up its pace. He swallowed thickly and ran her words over and over in his mind. Surely she couldn't know what he had been up to in her absence, yet the foreboding cloud that settled over them let him know that she did, in fact, know.

"I – I don't…I wasn't trying to – I don't expect you to–"

Bella's embarrassment hit her like a ton of bricks, and she felt her face flame. She couldn't believe that she was so presumptuous to assume that Edward was trying to put the moves on her. Now Edward stumbled through his rejection of her, and she wanted to melt into the carpet and disappear. She pulled her head away from his hand and stepped back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that I thought…I mean, I know you don't…I know you wouldn't want that from me, I don't know why I said that."

Edward's mind was running too slowly to take in what she was saying quickly enough to stop her. She thought he didn't want her? Edward recounted all of the ways that their reunion had gone wrong, and he wanted pull his hair out. His fingers clenched the strands and pulled them until his scalp stung. Bella seemed to be afraid of him, and she knew that he'd been seeing other girls. She didn't want him to hit on her, but then she confessed that she knows he doesn't want her like that. She was infuriating and skittish; she was small and pale and unprotected, and she needed him but didn't realize it.

_But I thought she would be mine. Like I am hers._

Edward's heart literally felt like it was splitting, and his stomach clenched in fear. Had he lost her already? Would he never get her back? How could he explain himself? How could he convince her that he was bound to her for good?

"Bella, listen to me. Listen," he said more forcefully when it was clear she was looking for an escape. "I am…I am not asking you to be a notch on my bedpost, and I can only assume that you…heard about the other girls, but, I swear to you, I swear they didn't mean anything. I was lonely and depressed and ruined…."

Edward groaned. He didn't know how to put into words how thoroughly she had destroyed him. She hadn't meant to, but she did.

Bella's concern for Edward overshadowed her previous mortification. Edward's green eyes were dark with the demons of his past, and she didn't know what had ruined him. She wanted to take whatever hurt him and shake it into crumbs and set it on fire. She wanted to ruin whatever had ruined him. Bella hated seeing Edward in pain, and watching him grip his hair and furrow his brow in apparent anguish was almost too much for her.

"What happened, Edward? Tell me. I want to help you. What happened?"

Edward's eyes pricked with tears when he saw the depth of Bella's compassion for him. He didn't want to tell her what she'd unknowingly done.

"You happened, Bella. You ruined me," he began. He watched her face pale, and he knew he had to speak quickly before she gave up on him entirely. "You were my best friend for my entire life and I was, I _am_ wholly in love with you. I have been since I was too young to know what love was, and that day, in the meadow, when we kissed, I had never been happier. And then…you were gone, and I couldn't get to you; Renee had you on lockdown, and it hurt too much to even think of you. I wanted you so badly that I made myself sick when I realized I couldn't have you. I still…want you, Bella. Those other girls were…they were mistakes. I was trying to…fuck, I don't know what I was trying to do. I was just in too much pain and I couldn't have what I wanted, so I just gave up.

"I swear I think of you all the time, and I dream about you, and I _love_ _you_. I swear I do, Bella. I know that what I did was wrong, and I hate myself for giving those girls any part of me, but I swear that you are the only one that has my heart. And I…I know you probably won't want me now because of what I've done. I betrayed you because I didn't wait for you. I should've waited. I had waited for so long, and you are worth it, but I just…I don't know, can you understand me at all? It was too painful, Bella, I'm sorry, could you ever for—forgive me? I'm sorry, I know I'm not good enough, but I just…I need you. Please don't…don't give up, please."

Edward's voice was barely a breath by the time he finished his heartfelt monologue. Bella doubted that he even realized he had dropped to his knees as he tried to explain his actions to her. Bella was confused and sick. Hearing Edward say he loved her ignited something inside of her she hadn't felt before. But, at the same time, hearing him admit that he'd fucked all those other girls cut her deeper than she knew was possible.

If he truly loved her and wanted her, why would he do that? He said he should've waited, so why didn't he? It shouldn't be that hard to wait for someone you love. He easily could've not slept with anyone else. He could've waited for her. She wanted to be angry with him for hurting her but she also wanted to hold him and comfort him and return his declaration. Yet she was afraid. She couldn't say those words to him yet.

Bella sank to her knees and stared at the top of Edward's head. So many emotions were running through her, ramming into one another like bumper cars. She couldn't sort through them. She felt strangely numb from overload.

"Who was first?"

Edward looked up at her in confusion.

"What?"

"Who'd you lose your virginity to?"

"Bella, please, don't. Don't ask."

"Tell me."

"I don't know. Some college girl, at a party. I don't know her name."

"Who was next?"

"Don't." Edward's request was a prayer. He didn't want to have to tell her.

"Who?"

"I don't know. It was at the same party. I don't know."

"You had sex with two girls in one night?"

Edward's eyes filled with shame. He wanted to look away, but he felt like his punishment was to look into Bella's eyes as she decided he wasn't worth the effort. He would watch her write him off for good.

"Yes." Bella was quiet.

"At the same time?"

"Please, Bella."

Bella's stomach lurched when she realized what Edward was capable of. The same boy who shoved frogs at her face while she screamed – the one who held her hand while she got stitches in her arm – he was the same boy that lost his virginity in a threesome when he supposedly loved her. Her gag reflex kicked in and she jumped up and ran into the bathroom adjoining Edward's room.

Her tears mixed with her vomit as she purged herself of her food and the hope she didn't know she had. She hadn't known that she still harbored hope for her and Edward until she felt it pour out of her. She felt emptier than she ever had before. She flushed the toilet and rinsed out her mouth.

Bella caught her reflection in the mirror and saw how haunted she was. This day had turned into the second worst day of her life. Her father dying was the worst, but this was a close second. At least when she had to watch Charlie being buried, she had Edward. Now, she had lost him too.

When Bella re-entered Edward's room she found him crumpled on the floor. She could tell by the way his body was shaking that he was crying. Her empty, shattered heart thumped once with the love she still had for him. She was so broken she could barely breathe, but seeing Edward hurt was still hard for her. She approached him tentatively and touched his back.

Edward wailed like an animal. He couldn't remember ever crying like that before. Bella had never heard a man make such a hollow, desperate sound. Edward's body leaned into hers, and as she sat down he curled up on her knees as best he could. He sobbed and begged her. He pleaded with her, and Bella's tears ran silently. She wanted to be strong, but his choked voice was breaking through her resolve. Edward hadn't been aware of how high his expectations for this night had soared until they plummeted straight to the depths of Hell. He was dizzy with his realized stupidity; he had truly thought she'd have him anyway. The pain searing his chest was greater than any he'd ever known.

Bella being taken from him against both of their wishes was almost unbearable. Bella choosing to take herself away from him, because of him, was excruciating. At that moment, Edward wished he'd never been born, wished he'd never met Bella and loved her, wished he'd never turned his back on his love for her and fucked up his life.

"Edward, I don't know. I don't…you're not who…you're not the boy I grew up with anymore. I just don't know if I can trust you. I…I want to. You don't know how badly I want to, but I can't just turn a blind eye, I'm…. You broke my heart just now. You broke it, and it won't be easy to heal, and I want to…I don't know. I want to leave here and never look back, but I –"

Edward's sobs grew heavier. Bella couldn't stop her own sob from answering. She leaned over his torso, and her hair created a curtain around them. For a moment, just that one moment, she felt like if only she could keep them protected from the outside, maybe they could exist again, together, in their bubble. The spell broke quickly though, and Bella whispered her worries in Edward's ear.

"I want to leave but I don't think I can. Despite everything, I don't want you to hurt, Edward. You hurt me but I don't want…I don't want you to be this broken."

Edward's head lifted slowly, and his eyes were swollen, his face blotchy. Bella leaned back, only slightly, and her hair tangled with Edward's. His face was close enough to expel his breath across her lips, and Bella knew without a doubt then that she couldn't leave him completely. He knew she was right. He didn't recognize himself. He was scared that he had wrecked everything beyond repair.

"Please, I want to be that boy again. I can be him again. I want you to trust me. Will you let me try? We can…we can get to know each other again. I swear I'll do anything. I love you."

It hurt Bella to hear Edward say he loved her. She felt like his love was dirty and sullied. But it was still his to give to her. And she would take it.

Bella nodded.

"I'll try, too. I don't want this to be over. Not like this."

Edward measured her expression and was appeased.

"I know you've got your secrets too, Bella. I want to know them. I want to know you."

Bella felt a stab of panic. She knew what Edward wanted to know. It was what he'd always wanted to know. It was the only thing she'd ever hidden from him.

It was one secret she didn't want to unlock – one too dark for her to even face. She neither complied with nor denied his request. She would think on it later, alone, when she had time to evaluate her options.

A knock on the door startled both of them out of their den of hurt and grief. Edward knew he didn't close the door. Someone must've come up and seen them in the midst of their emotional turmoil and had the good sense to close the door and allow them some privacy. Edward leaned away from Bella's lap, wiping at his face, which was slick with tears and snot. He couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed for crying like a baby. He doubted he'd stop crying anytime soon.

"I'm sorry I'm such a fucking mess," he offered as he stood, noticing the wet spots on her jeans and shirt from his tears. Bella only nodded silently.

Edward opened the door and looked around before kneeling. As he stood and turned Bella saw that he held two plates of food. The dishes were still warm, but clearly not entirely fresh. A glance at his clock confirmed that they had been in his room for well over an hour. Apparently destroying a relationship took time.

"I guess we missed dinner…."

"Yeah, I guess," Bella said as she reached for one of the plates. She looked around before walking back to the couch and sitting on it gingerly. She didn't have much of an appetite, but she would try to choke some food down.

Edward didn't feel like eating either, but he took the opportunity to gain some proximity and sat next to Bella. They both picked at their food and sniffed constantly. Bella had to breathe through her mouth because her nose was stuffed up, which made chewing a feat. Eventually she sighed and turned to Edward. He froze and waited for her to speak.

"So how has school gone this year?"

"Terrible. I hate that fucking place. I can't wait to graduate. I wish you were still there, I don't really have any other friends, you know."

"I'm sorry. I thought maybe…well, what I had heard, about you, um, that maybe you had a girlfriend at some point. Or more than one, I don't know," Bella guessed.

"No, I – I haven't actually dated anyone and the girls…they're just sluts, they're so easy. I wouldn't waste my time on them."

"But you did…waste time on them."

Edward winced at the truth of her statement. He nodded his assent.

"So…what else? You don't look the same. I don't know what it is, but, you look…there's something wrong, I can tell."

Edward didn't want to tell Bella about his drug use. He knew that would be one more thing to hurt her, and he didn't know if she could forgive it. He wanted to bury that secret so that she'd stay with him, but he knew he owed it to her to be honest.

"I've…I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me. If it's bad, I need to know. Now."

Edward heard the words she didn't say. _Before it's too late_.

"I've…there's been some…drugs, I guess. I, um, that might be the difference, I don't know --"

Bella's gasp reverberated through the room. Edward couldn't look at her. He felt the disappointment roll off of her in waves.

"Edward. No."

In two simple words Edward felt even more disgusted with himself. He couldn't justify it to her; he barely knew why he did it himself. He waited for her to say the words that would release him from her for good now.

"How could you? You know what…you know exactly what that stuff can do to you. It can change you. Turn you into a monster. I would think you of all people would know…would never do that. Edward."

Bella's hushed admonition felt like the nails in Edward's coffin.

"I know, Bella. I'm sorry. I just…sometimes it was the only thing to get me through the day, at school, and I just…I've been so fucking miserable. I'm so sorry."

Bella waited and watched his green eyes come up to meet hers, and she saw his genuine regret. She knew his eyes couldn't lie to her. She wanted to leave and forget all about Edward and make him live with his consequences, but she couldn't. His forest eyes beckoned to her, reminded her of all the good times they'd shared. Their life together was enough to help them overcome this. This was only a crack in their landscape. They might be able to fix it if they both try.

"What have you…been doing?"

"Pot mostly. Pills sometimes."

"Not –"

"No, never."

Bella internally sigh in relief. She couldn't stand the thought of Edward doing lines.

"Does Esme know?"

"I think. She hasn't said anything, but I didn't exactly hide the evidence."

"And she hasn't stopped you?"

"I think Carlisle convinced her not to. He thinks I'm just 'experimenting.'"

"Carlisle? Why do you…don't you call him Dad?"

"Not anymore," Edward said darkly.

"Why?"

Edward watched her reaction closely.

"I just can't…he's failed me, and I'm just…so disappointed. I don't think he's who I thought he was. It's one of my secrets, I guess…one we can share this summer. If you'll let me."

Bella knew what he was asking. He hoped that she would still give him the chance. She was hurt, confused, heartbroken, empty, but she couldn't deny the way she felt to have him near. She speculated to herself that perhaps the damage wasn't irreparable. Maybe they could salvage something. He needed her help, of that she was sure. And she was hard-pressed to deny him.

"I'll let you. We'll try. But it's going to be hard, Edward, and…it will take a lot for me to trust you again, you know?"

"I know. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I love you, please just –"

"And stop saying you love me. It's hard to hear, right now. It's too painful. Just…don't say it, okay?"

Edward's stomached dropped as he realized she didn't want his love. She was accepting him and agreeing to give him a chance, but she didn't want to hear his profession. He would take her in any way he could have her, but having to squelch the passion he felt for her would make him ache each time he saw her. Edward knew he would just have to bear it.

"Will you come over tomorrow?"

"Don't you have school?"

"Half day – exams." He paused. "Please?"

"I'll have to ask Rose."

"Will you call me? Let me know?"

"Yes, I'll call you. I should probably get home, now. I'll uh…I'll let myself out, I guess. See ya, Edward."

Bella crossed the room,, and as she stood by his bedroom door she looked back at the boy who was nearly a stranger to her now. He looked defeated. He looked how Bella felt. She hoped their best intentions would be enough to save them. She hoped they could tread water long enough to reach the shore, or she feared they'd both drown.

Edward sat locked in a numbed stupor. He couldn't believe the things that had happened in the past two hours. He thought seeing Bella again would be the happiest day of his life. He imagined the two of them embracing and kissing and declaring their affection. He imagined them riding off into the fucking sunset.

Instead Bella pushed him away, denied his love for her, and appropriately castrated him for being a selfish bastard and left. His grand plan of sweeping her off of her feet and convincing her to tell him all of her family's secrets blew up in his face. Now he was going to have to work hard just to get her to believe he was the same boy she kissed last year.

_Am I the same boy, though? _

Edward suspected that he was not. He hoped that whoever he had become would be good enough for Bella.

"Bro, what happened? You all right?"

Edward looked up to see Emmett standing directly in front of him. Edward dropped his hands from his face and leaned back on the couch with a heavy sigh.

"No. I'm not fucking all right. I'm gutted."

"What happened? Bella was all puffy and red and you look even worse than she did. Did you get in a fight?"

"I don't know, I guess. She knew, Emmett. About all those other fucking girls, and she called me out on it. I told her I loved her, and she pretty much told me it was a lie. She's disgusted with me. _I'm_ disgusted with me. I'm a fucking animal," Edward lamented as his body washed anew with pain.

"Dude. So, is that it? Is it over?"

Edward laughed without humor.

"I don't think there was ever anything to begin with. She's done with me."

"Did she say that?"

"Well, no—"

"Then she's not done with you. Downstairs she asked Rose if she could come back tomorrow. When she left she said she would see us then. She's coming back, man. She's not done."

"She might come back but I don't think I'll ever have her. Not like I want."

"Well maybe you should stop being so goddamn selfish and just let her have you like she wants. Like she _needs_."

Edward focused on his brother's grey eyes and saw the truth and resolve there. Emmett was right. Edward had to stop thinking about what he wanted and be there for Bella, in whatever capacity she would have him.

Edward carried the half-eaten plates of food down to the kitchen. He ran into Esme and Carlisle having a heated discussion by the sink. They didn't notice him enter the side door, so he stepped back to listen.

"Why won't you let this go? You shouldn't be involved at all," Carlisle said through clenched teeth. He couldn't understand his wife's morbid fascination with the Swan girl.

"Shouldn't be involved? If it weren't for you I wouldn't have to be! You're a doctor for Christ's sake, you should know the signs –"

"What signs? There have never been any fucking signs! You and Edward have concocted some bullshit story trying to explain away the everyday troubles of a normal family. It's not easy to raise a child – you know this. Let this go, Esme. You've gone too far."

Carlisle's authoritative voice didn't sit well with Esme. She refused to take orders from a man.

"I've barely gotten started, Carlisle. You might be on your knees for Phil but I'm not going to let this go."

Carlisle's face blazed red as he stepped closer to his wife, his fists clenched. He wouldn't hit her, but his anger was threatening to knock him off balance.

"You don't have a goddamn clue what it's like at that house. For all we know Bella is a hellion and the only way to keep her in line is to lock her up. We don't know because it's not our business. Phil and Renee didn't even get a honeymoon because they had to stay with Bella."

"Bella is not some mundane aggravation like taking out the trash or walking the mother fucking dog, Carlisle. She is their daughter! They should be proud of her and love her and—"

"Enough, Esme. I told you. Let this go." Carlisle's ice blue eyes drilled into Esme's before he stalked off.

Edward was stunned to hear the caliber of his parents' argument. He never heard either of them swear like that, and he never saw them disagree like that. Edward wondered if the entire situation was putting much more strain on his family than he realized.

"Mom? You okay?"

Esme jumped in surprise at her son's entry. She could tell by the look on his face that he had heard more than he should have.

"I'm fine, honey. Are you okay? Bella looked upset when she left."

"I'm…it'll be okay. We just…she just has to get to know me again. I have a lot to make up for, I guess."

"Penance."

Esme watched Edward with disquieted eyes before bidding him goodnight. He wasn't surprised to see her enter the guest bedroom. He wanted to know how many nights that had happened before.

Edward eventually grew tired of watching TV with Emmett. As he walked to his room, he heard Alice chattering away on her phone, most likely with Jasper. Edward was able to muster a small smile as he thought of the thrill of young love. He flopped down on his bed, suddenly exhausted from the emotional outpouring. He reached for his cell phone that rested on his nightstand and checked it for messages.

He saw a text from a number he didn't recognize.

_I'll see you tomorrow. Good night. Love, B._

Despite all of the disappointment he faced, Edward chose to believe that things weren't unsalvageable. Edward chose to hope.

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**See? It ends on a hopeful note. Next few chapters will provide us with some much needed relief.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Nope, didn't acquire it.**

**Look everyone -- another update! Thanks so much to my betas, Zombies Run This Town and imahappymess. This chapter will start to get a bit more lighthearted, so you all can breathe easy. **

**Recommended listening: Dashboard Confessional - "Bella of the Boulevard" and Regina Spektor - "Eet"**

* * *

Bella puttered around the kitchen the next morning, eating a healthful breakfast and getting a start on her homework. Rosalie strolled in an hour after Bella started and sniffed the air.

"Bacon?"

"Yep."

"Pancakes?"

"Yep."

"Eggs?" Rose lifted an eyebrow at Bella.

"Mm-hmm."

"Leftovers?"

"Nope."

Rose's mock-gasp was enough to send Bella over the edge into giggles. Rose's heart warmed at the sound. She couldn't remember ever hearing Bella laugh like that before. Carefree. Light. Unafraid.

"You know that eggs are awful leftovers, Rose! I'll make you some more, but yes, I did save pancakes. We'll make fresh bacon, though," Bella explained as she rose from the table.

"Ah, you don't have to do that. I can make my own breakfast. Besides, don't you need to get your school work done so you can go see a certain someone today?"

Bella blushed feverishly at Rose's insinuative comment. Yes, she was looking forward to seeing Edward, and no, she wasn't over what happened last night yet. It was too fresh to even think of properly. She didn't want to lift the band-aid because underneath she was sure the wound was still gaping and bloody.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to tease you, Bella."

"It's okay. I mean, it's fun, you know…teasing each other," Bella ruminated. Rose's silence sent her straight into a pit of insecurity. "Right? It's okay, right?"

Rose smiled reassuringly and nodded.

Bella tossed and turned the night before. She couldn't get the picture of Edward kissing other girls out of her head, though she knew he had done much more than that. Each time she thought she might be able to finally doze off, the image of Edward and Lauren Mallory appeared behind her eyelids.

She didn't know if he had actually ever been with Lauren Mallory, but she was one of the worst people Bella could imagine Edward with. She pictured Lauren's fake platinum-blonde hair spilling over Edward's hands as he grabbed her and kissed her roughly. His biceps would flex as he pushed her against a wall, pinning her down and pressing every single hard line of his body against hers.

He would look into her sky-colored eyes and not think of Bella.

Bella knew that she wasn't good enough for Edward; she didn't doubt that he would grow weary of her if given the chance. She knew that he just wanted to play around and Bella should be prepared for his loss of interest.

Bella's insecurities weren't limited to Edward only. She was seized with the fear that Rose was going to get tired of her as well. What if Bella was too demanding? Too boring? Not fun enough, or smart enough or good enough? What if she was too lazy or just annoying? Bella had been told enough times that she was a severe inconvenience. She didn't want Rose to have to put up with her all summer.

Rose would probably leave and then Renee would come home. Then Bella would never get to see Edward anyway. She had to make this work.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be mean, before, I'll make you breakfast, sit, sit."

Bella nearly pushed Rose out of the way before taking the spatula from her to start scrambling the eggs Rose had already assembled. Rose shot Bella a quizzical look before backing up to give her space.

Rose studied Bella's stiff shoulders and wondered what had just happened. One minute, Bella was laughing and joking with her, and the next Bella had frozen, her eyes filled with panic as she bulldozed Rose out of the way to fix breakfast.

"Bella, you know I'm supposed to be taking care of you, right? You don't need to make me anything. It's my job, technically."

"I know, but, you're so nice to stay with me and I don't want to make things harder on you. I – I want you to stay, so, maybe if –"

"I'm not going to leave if that's what you're thinking. No matter what."

Bella's hand stilled over the skillet. She glanced over her shoulder to assess Rose's sincerity. She nodded at what she saw, but turned back to the food.

"I just want you to like it here. With me."

"I already liked it here, Bella. I promise."

Rose realized at Bella's extended silence that she was not going to respond.

"So, what time do you want to go to the Cullen's?"

"Well, Edward said they're having a half-day, so I guess we can go around twelve-thirty or so. Give him time for lunch?"

"Yes, or…we could take them lunch!"

"The whole family?"

Bella slid the eggs onto Rose's plate before turning off the eye. She checked the smaller frying pan to ensure that the bacon was done before adding that to the plate as well. Bella finally looked up in time to catch Rose's red-tinged cheeks and darting eyes.

"What's going on, Rose?"

"Nothing! I just thought…well, I think I heard Esme mention that she and Alice were going to be doing something for the afternoon, and I'm guessing Carlisle won't be around…I just thought that maybe Edward and…his brother would like a nice lunch, that's all."

Bella stared at Rose. Rose stayed as still as a mouse that hoped it wouldn't be spotted by a cat. Bella knew that she was behind somewhat socially, but she wasn't a total idiot.

"You like Emmett!"

Bella's finger rose in an accusatory point as she hopped up and down, channeling Alice. Rose's cheeks puffed up with air before she began to shake her head unconvincingly. Bella set the full plate of food onto the kitchen table and stepped closer to Rose, keeping her from getting away.

"You just met him. How could you like him already?"

"I don't like him, I'm just curious is all. He seemed really interesting and I thought that maybe I'd talk to him again today. There's nothing wrong with that," Rose said defensively.

"I didn't say anything was wrong, but don't you need more time? I didn't know I even liked Edward until we'd been friends for ten years. These things take time!"

Bella was shouting, though she didn't know why. She had no reason to get so upset over Rose and Emmett's seemingly instant connection. Who was she to begrudge her friend/caregiver? Rose's face fell and Bella instantly felt remorse. She mentally slapped herself for giving Rose yet another reason to abandon her.

Selfish. Boring. Mean. Emotionally unstable.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm just…I'm not upset about you and Emmett, I'm just…I think I'm…I've…shit."

Rose stayed still for a moment watching Bella before busting out with a belly laugh. Bella looked up at her, perplexed, but she felt amusement bubbling up within her as well. She waited until Rose was able to catch her breath before giving her a questioning look.

"It's just, I've never, ever, ha, seen you so – so worked up like that. You've…what's going on with you and Edward? 'Cause you've got some serious man troubles going on or something, ha!"

Bella felt embarrassed and wanted to look down or perhaps leave the room, thereby leaving this conversation before it starts. However, she was in need of some advice. After convincing Rose to sit and eat, Bella began to relay the very few events that had transpired between she and Edward since the trip to his house last year. Rose listened intently, saying nothing until Bella was completely finished.

"Well…I do think that Edward cares for you," Rose began. Bella's face blanched in disbelief. "I do! I mean…I know that was a real dick move to go around screwing all of Forks and apparently half of U-Dub, but shit…a boy does not lay on the floor crying like that, begging for forgiveness, if he doesn't really lo-"

"Don't! Don't use that word, please."

"Fine…boys don't wail like widows for just anybody. Either Edward is exceptionally emotional, which seems unlikely, or he truly is…sorry. I mean, do you think he meant it? The apology?"

"It seemed genuine, yes."

"Do you believe that, after everything he's put you through, that he could really care about you?"

Bella thought back on last night and the way Edward looked at her. If possible, he looked like his insides were being singed with a cattle brand. She had never seen him that desperate before. She believed that he was sorry. She didn't know if he wanted her forgiveness because he really wanted to be with her romantically, or because they'd been friends for so long that he didn't want her to think badly of him.

As Bella catalogued all of Edward's sweet smiles over the years, she knew that he could indeed still care for her. The way he watched after her, held her hand, helped her up when she fell and comforted her when she cried wasn't lost. Those things couldn't be tarnished in her mind and heart, no matter what he did to her. Even if she saw him today and he was the biggest asshole that ever existed, it didn't change the fact that he loved her once; maybe not the way she wanted, but he did nonetheless.

Bella wondered if Edward was hurt by her disappearing act. She hoped he could forgive her for being unable to get back to him, for leaving him alone at school and feeding him to the wolves. She knew the part he most enjoyed about any event at all was being with her. He'd told her that, and she knew he meant it, at least at the time. She wondered if there were other things she'd done that she hadn't realized. Maybe she needed to apologize to Edward. Maybe if she did he wouldn't give up on her, or think he was wasting her time. She needed to figure out how to be helpful and wonderful and delightful.

She needed to wear one of her new summer dresses.

"Yes, I think he cares about me. No matter what. We've known each other a long time – he held my hand at Dad's funeral, so I know he cares. Rose…I need one of those dresses we got yesterday. Will you…if you have time, I mean, could you help me pick one out, please?"

Bella braced herself for rejection. Renee usually laid Bella's clothes out for her if she had to go anywhere; apart from that she steered clear of Bella's room, unless she was laying out more regulations. Bella hadn't had any help with those types of things since years before at the Cullen's, when Esme would brush Bella's hair and let her wear lip gloss.

"I would love to! And I have a cardigan you can wear, too, in case you get cold. Do you want me to fix your hair? Do you want to wear any make-up? You don't really need it, though…maybe just something on your lips. And a little mascara – that would be perfect! And I'll put your hair up," Rose rattled off.

"I can put my hair up, Rose, you don't need to bother."

"No! No plain ponytail, Bella, trust me. You will look perfect! But not like you tried too hard…just naturally gorgeous. Now, I can't finish this last pancake…do you want it?"

Rose waved the plate under Bella's nose until Bella agreed. Rose smiled, please to have Bella eating more, and accepting her help. Bella didn't like to be doted on, and she didn't like to depend on others, but Rose was hoping Bella would soon realize that she didn't have to do things alone anymore. She had her.

She also thought Bella had Edward, and Esme. But mostly, she had her.

Bella slipped on the cardigan she was borrowing from Rose when she heard a cell phone begin to chime. She heard Rose's footsteps coming closer to her room. Rose rapped quietly on the ajar door before entering, reaching to hand Bella the phone. Bella knew what that meant.

"Hello?"

"Bella. What's been going on since I've left?"

Bella proceeded to fill her mother in on the somewhat untrue goings-on. She decided to tell Renee that she and Rose went out for lunch, but didn't mention the pedicures, the shopping, or, of course, the visit with the Cullens. Renee insisted that Bella not venture to far several times before checking to make sure she had started on her assignments. Bella was relieved that she had at least looked most of them over that morning, so she knew what Renee was talking about. She didn't want to be caught in a lie.

The conversation was short, thankfully, but Renee promised to call again the next day. Bella had a feeling that Renee wouldn't give her more than a few days peace this summer.

After she disconnected the call, her memories began filtering out the better moments with her mother. Bella could recall a time when Renee was happy to see her; of course, this was before Renee was her primary guardian.

Bella had never been explicitly told, but she was pretty sure that Renee had voluntarily entered rehab when Bella was ten. She didn't see her mother for a few months, and when Renee finally returned, she seemed happy. Settled. Bella still lived with Charlie full-time, but Renee seemed to enjoy keeping Bella every other weekend. She liked to take Bella shopping, and watch movies, and have girl-talk. The years following Renee's rehab stint were peaceful.

Renee's disposition rightfully darkened when Charlie passed away. He was her former husband, the father of her child – Bella didn't blame her for being melancholy. It wasn't until living with Renee and Phil for a few months that Bella began to notice a pattern; she had flashbacks to her time with Renee as a child, and she saw some of the signs. Bella was pretty sure that Renee was using again. She tried to help her mother, and make things easy on her, but Renee was unhappy regardless. She'd only been living with Phil for six months, and they were planning on getting married. Bella was putting a damper on their honeymoon period.

Renee began making increasingly biting comments to and in front of Bella. She blamed Bella for stealing the romance out of two of her relationships. Renee had gotten pregnant with Bella before she and Charlie were married. They were both only nineteen, green behind the ears and their whole lives ahead of them. Renee felt tied down, trapped, so she left Charlie. She ran away to Phoenix for a year before returning to Forks, admitting that she wanted a part in her daughter's life.

Renee had brought a few habits back with her from Arizona, but Charlie tried to monitor as much as possible. He didn't want Bella to have to live without a mother. Renee went through a dark period, but she eventually admitted that she had a problem, and sought help. That was the turning point. She wanted to be there for her daughter.

But when Charlie died and Renee had to take Bella in for good, just as she was really starting a new life for herself. She couldn't handle it. She thought she was getting a second chance only to have her daughter tie her down again. Renee told Bella that she was a constant nuisance; reminding her over and over again of the myriad of ways she'd ruined her own mother's life. Renee loved to lament the lack of privacy she and Phil had in front of Bella, making sure she knew that she wasn't wanted there.

Bella tried to keep her head down, fly under the radar until graduation and then get the hell out of dodge, but it didn't work. Renee had grown a sadistic side, and seemed to get off on Bella's suffering, and her depleting self-esteem. Renee wanted Bella to pay for her involuntary mistake.

Bella longed for the old days, when she saw Renee rarely but she was loved. She didn't mean to ruin anyone's life by being born; she couldn't help the loathsome feelings she carried around for it. She wished she had died with Charlie, sometimes.

Rose's voice snapped Bella out of her morbid reverie.

"I've already gotten lunch together. You ready?"

"Yeah. Uh…yeah. Let's go."

"Everything okay? With your mom?"

"Yeah, she just uh, you know. Wanted to make sure I got all of my schoolwork done. And that I didn't go too far from home. She said she'd call tomorrow."

Rose nodded, satisfied that Renee hadn't been too harsh with Bella, but worried all the same. Bella retreated into herself frequently. She feared that one day Renee would push too hard, and maybe Bella wouldn't be able to emerge. She affectionately wrapped an arm around Bella's shoulder and led her down the hall.

"Well, I think Edward's jaw is going to hit the floor when he sees you."

"Really?" Bella blushed at Rose's assurance.

"Definitely. You're gorgeous."

Rose caught Bella's eye roll and stopped her in her tracks.

"You are, Bella. I promise. And Edward knows it, too. Just don't let him off the hook too easily, okay? Maybe he should grovel a little more…."

Rose flashed Bella a devious smirk before grabbing the tote bag full of food containers and leading Bella to the door.

The drive was short, and Bella's heart was pounding when they arrived. No one came to the door to greet them today. Rose strode confidently up the steps before knocking loudly on the wooden door. Bella saw her take a deep breath, and realized with a start that Rose was nervous.

The door opened quickly, revealing a red-faced Edward. He glanced briefly at Rose and nodded before looking over his love. His eyes lingered on her jaw line, and her throat, both beautifully exposed by Bella's pinned-up hair. He swallowed thickly as his eyes trailed down, noting the hint of collarbone poking out from between the edges of Bella's sweater.

He wanted to let his eyes drift over the rest of her, exploring every inch available, but he wanted to be a gentleman. If he were trying to convince Bella of his sudden reformation, leering at her wouldn't be the way to go.

Edward stepped aside, gesturing with his hand for the ladies to make their way inside. As Bella passed she smiled shyly at him, and Edward couldn't resist touching her innocently. He patted his hand between her shoulder blades and let it hover behind her as they walked towards the kitchen.

"How are you?" he asked her in a hushed voice, leaning towards her ear.

Bella felt his breath blow against the loose tendrils of her hair and suppressed a shiver. She couldn't let herself be so easily swayed by him and his nearness and his velvet voice.

"I'm fine. How was school?"

Edward sighed loudly. "Eh. I took two exams today, I think I did well. Especially English. Most of it revolved around _Frankenstein_."

"I read that too! I loved it. How about you?"

"Yeah, it was good. I definitely liked it."

"I just think it's so heartbreaking…to be a monster created against your will. Then going on a path of self-discovery and trying to break free of your own nature…just to be abhorred all over again…it's terrible. I cry every time I read it."

Edward paused in his steps and looked down at Bella's twinkling eyes. Would her compassion extend to him? Would she accept him fully as he tried to break free of his nature? He could only hope.

"Of course, the doctor was pretty tormented as well. He was so obsessed with his intelligence, and what he could create, it wasn't until he was too late that he realized what horror it actually was…. He created…blasphemy…pretty much."

Bella nodded her agreement, smiling at their discussion. She remembered having similar talks over the years; the topics varied, especially when they were younger and the most important thing to them had been who could jump the highest and if dreams were real. She hoped that they could find a way back to their old selves somehow over the summer.

Edward entered the kitchen to see his brother already hunched over his plate, Rose's eyes glued to him. Emmett made feral sounds as he gulped down the food Rose had supplied. Edward could tell that Rose was satisfied that Emmett enjoyed her cooking.

Rose tore her eyes away from Emmett long enough to offer Edward a plate. He accepted obligingly as Bella took her seat and filled a small plate of her own. Lunch was quiet, nothing more than small talk being made. As soon as they were all finished, Rose cleared her throat.

"So, Bella…Edward…I was thinking about going to town…for some stuff…that I need to pick up."

"What stuff?"

"Just stuff I forgot. I, um, will be back, though. Later. A few hours."

"Ooh-kay. That sounds fine."

Bella wasn't sure why Rose was acting so strangely.

"Yeah, and um, I'm going to go with her. To get the stuff."

Bella's brow furrowed. Rose and Emmett were leaving her and Edward…totally alone? For hours? Bella felt nervous.

"Well, I guess we'll see you guys later then?" Edward looked from his brother to Rose, confused as to why they were making it seem like such a big deal. Bella nodded her agreement with Edward's statement, and in a matter of moments, the pair had left. The Cullen house seemed large and silent in the wake of their departure.

"So, whatcha wanna do, Bella?"

"Oh, um, I don't know. Whatever you want. Or whatever you would usually do, I guess."

Edward's mind immediately told him to find a blunt to smoke, but he wasn't going to do that anymore. He had to quit completely, or Bella wouldn't trust him. He thought through the movies he owned, dismissing the idea quickly. His gaze landed on the kitchen window, and he noted that while it was cloudy out, it wasn't raining.

"Would you be up for a hike?"

"A hike?" Bella looked disbelievingly down at her canvas slip-ons.

"Well, not a hike necessarily, but…it's been a while since we went to the meadow."

Edward's face heated as he thought of the way Bella's hair tangled with the wildflowers when they were there last. He could still taste her on his lips, and feel her chest rising rapidly against his own. He craved her in a way he hadn't known before, but he wouldn't compromise this so early on. She would have to get comfortable with him again. He chanced a look at her face to see if he could tell what she was thinking.

Bella's face was red as her thoughts mirrored Edward's. She wanted Edward so badly that day…she thought she was the happiest she could ever be. She realized that day that Edward Cullen was hers…but it didn't last, not more than an hour. He was hers for such a short period of time; sometimes she thought maybe she dreamt it all.

Edward could tell by looking at Bella's deep brown eyes that her mind had gone somewhere else. He dared to hope that she thought nostalgically on their last encounter in the meadow. He didn't dare to hope that they would repeat it anytime soon. Bella's eyes snapped to his suddenly.

"Sure…I'm sure I'll slow you down, though."

"I'll wait for you. Always."

Bella heard what Edward wasn't saying. _Whenever you're ready, I'm here._

She wanted to believe him.

They headed to the edge of the Cullen's property without speaking a word. Their trek through the thick forest was slow and steady. Edward was patient, never trying to hurry Bella along, and always offering her a hand when she needed it.

He didn't care how long it took them to get there. He couldn't wait to get her into the meadow, but simultaneously didn't care if it took forever. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he possibly could.

"So, Emmett and Rose seem friendly, huh?"

Bella smiled. "Why yes, they do. I'm pretty sure Rose is quite taken with him already."

"Did she say something?"

"She just mentioned that he was 'interesting'. I don't know what he did or said yesterday, but he definitely caught her attention."

"Hmm. I wonder. He told me that you both were coming over today, and I asked him why Rose wasn't just dropping you off. He didn't have much to say about it. But, I can tell by looking at him. He's into her. How old is she, anyway?"

"Um, I'm not sure. She's not that much older than us. She's partway through college. She's planning on finishing this year, I think. After her babysitting gig is up, I guess."

Bella punctuated her statement with an eye roll, and Edward had to laugh. As if Bella needed someone to watch her.

"So what's the deal? Renee's gone, Phil's gone, so Rose has to stay with you? Every night?"

"Yep. She's moved into the guestroom. It's nice, actually. Having her there. I really…I really like her. I appreciate her."

"Yeah, she seems nice. I'm sure it's great to have a break from Renee for a while, huh?"

"Uh, yeah. You know how parents are. So annoying," Bella said, feeling uncomfortable with the shift in conversation. She knew that Edward would try to get more information out of her, but she wasn't ready. She didn't think she'd ever be ready.

Bella didn't want to admit out loud what a pathetic existence she was leading. She didn't want to tell the boy she loved that she was useless and inconvenient; she didn't want him to know that she ruins things without even trying. She was Frankenstein's monster. It was too embarrassing for him to know. If even her mother couldn't look past the problems Bella had caused and love her, how could she expect anyone else to?

"Yeah, they are. Even Esme has her moments," Edward said, letting Bella off the hook.

"And…Carlisle?"

"Yeah…his entire being is one of those moments," Edward said harshly.

"Edward, are you guys gonna be okay? I've never seen you so mad at him before. What could he have done that was so bad?" Bella's eyes were imploring as he gazed at her, there steps stilled for the moment.

Edward didn't want to tell Bella that Carlisle was an idiot. That he sided with Phil and Renee, that he chose not to believe that Bella was hurting. He didn't want to tell her that his father was a cold-hearted bastard that was apparently wooed by fame and money like everyone else.

"He did do something bad. I just…I just can't talk about it, though. I'm sorry."

And he was sorry. He wanted Bella to talk to him, but he was hiding things from her. He didn't want to be a hypocrite, but it that moment he couldn't help it.

Edward motioned with his head for them to keep walking. They filled the silence with the crunching foliage under their feet and occasional comments. Bella asked about some of the other people at school; Edward asked about what it was like to home-school. Bella asked if he went to Junior Prom. Edward admitted that he did.

"Who'd you take?" Bella noticed the pained look on Edward's face as she questioned him.

"Tanya."

"Tanya Denali? Why – what the hell, Edward! You hate her, she's awful! She used to – why would you-"

"I know, I know. I just…she asked me, and I thought, 'why the fuck not,' so I got high and I fucking went. We didn't get our pictures taken or anything, so there's no fucking evidence, okay?"

Bella flinched at the hardness of his voice. She could tell he was really agitated as he pinched the bridge of his nose. She wasn't trying to upset him, but she had a hard time believing that he would actually take Tanya Denali anywhere.

When Bella was still attending Forks High, Tanya, along with Lauren, made Bella's life a living hell. Tanya constantly tripped her in halls, knocked her books out of her hands, shouted things at her when she walked across the cafeteria, and stage-whispered about her in class. Tanya seemed to always hate her, though Bella didn't know why.

Edward didn't mean to snap at Bella, but prom was one of the last things he wanted to think about, let alone talk to Bella about. Tanya had practically begged him to take her, and in a moment of weakness and stupidity, he agreed. Edward had realized soon after hanging out with Tanya that she was severely jealous of Bella. He had noticed over the years that she was especially vicious towards his best friend, but he didn't know why. Tanya's constant disparaging commentary on Bella, even when she hadn't been at school for months, grew old quickly. Edward could see Tanya's own insecurities pushed her to belittle others, and Bella in particular, because she was close to him. Tanya confessed while drunk that she had crushed on him for years, and she didn't understand why he'd want to waste his time on 'that Swan girl.'

_Tanya hadn't mentioned Bella in a few weeks, but midway through prom, she decided to push her luck._

"_You know what this party's missing?" Tanya's words were beginning to slur. Edward didn't know what she had taken, but he knew it was more potent than the blunt he enjoyed beforehand. _

"_Swan. If she were here, this would be perfect," Tanya began to explain. "Just think, we could go all _Carrie_ on her ass. Dump blood or punch on her or something. Rip her dress. It'd be a riot."_

_Edward scoffed in disgust. Tanya was a fucking idiot. She failed to remember what Carrie ended up doing later in the movie, and she never heeded Edward's warning to let the Bella topic die._

"_And what the fuck would the point of that be, Tanya?" Edward watched her through narrowed eyes as she leaned towards him, giving him a clear view of her cleavage. Edward had already gotten a blowjob from her in the limo, and he was fairly certain that he wouldn't be asking for much from Tanya tonight._

"_Just for shits and giggles, Edward. I just like messin' with her. She's such an easy target –"_

"_Shut the fuck up, Denali. You're just a petty bitch with a sense of entitlement. Fucking cunt. Get on your knees for somebody else tonight, sugar."_

_Edward walked away then, leaving Tanya and the gym behind, semi-regretting what he said to Tanya. She deserved it, but he couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed for his extremely un-gentlemanly comment._

"I'm sorry, I was just surprised, that's all."

Bella's meek voice brought Edward back from his memories. He saw that she was blushing and he felt guilty immediately.

"No, I'm sorry. You don't need to apologize. I shouldn't have gotten so frustrated. You were…you had valid questions. I always hated Tanya, but…I don't really have an excuse for hanging around her. I don't know why I did a lot of the stuff I did, but I swear I won't do those things again. I want you to trust me. And I'll work hard to deserve your trust. I promise."

Bella didn't look at Edward when he finished his oath. She kept walking, thinking over what he had said. She intuited that Tanya was one of the many girls he had slept with. She felt sick to her stomach, but she fought back the nausea. She'd already made Edward feel guilty enough. She had said her piece last night. He knew where she stood, and she knew that she wouldn't like some of the things she found out about Edward. She would have to find a way to get past it all.

Just as she was about to speak, she stepped out into the perfectly round meadow. She didn't realize how close they were getting until she was already in it. She looked around, feeling relieved to have made it, but saddened as it didn't look the same. For some reason the wildflowers weren't blooming. That grass was green, but it didn't look the same.

A sense of loss hit Bella. She thought maybe she remembered it differently because the moments spent here colored her memories. Maybe she saw it differently before, when things were easier, and Edward was still the boy she grew up with. Maybe when she didn't have to question all of his motives and words the grass only seemed taller, and maybe the wildflowers were never in bunches like she thought.

Or maybe nature reflected the disparateness of their relationship from then to now. Perhaps the grass tried to die without them to visit it. Perhaps the wildflowers decided not to bloom because their warmth no longer radiated there. Perhaps Bella and Edward would never get back what they once had.

Bella turned to watch Edward look around the meadow. Disappointment was etched into his features, and she knew that he felt it too. Bella felt like she was visiting her own gravestone. The desolation that settled in her bones was surprising. She didn't expect to feel so empty here, and frightened. The ghosts of their past and future floated around them, flaunting what once was and projecting what now would never be.

She had to get out of there.

Bella turned and ran past Edward where he stood at the edge of the circle. He didn't realize what she was doing until she was already in the woods, and he took off after her. He called her name, but she didn't stop. He could hear her sobs echoing off of the trees as he got closer to her. She tripped in front of him, hitting the bracken hard, and curling up on the leaves.

Her breath heaved from exertion, and Edward was afraid to approach, but afraid to not. He slowly squatted down by her head, and brushed her hair back from her face. Her eyes were open, blinking, but not looking at anything.

"It wasn't the same. It'll never be the same."

Bella's hollow voice gave words to Edward's own fears. He too felt the despair of the meadow. Maybe they would never be able to go back there. Maybe it would haunt them forever.

"I know, honey. I know."

Edward pulled Bella's torso up and slid his legs under her. She stayed curled up, but allowed him to maneuver her into his lap. He slipped his arms around her and rocked her gently. He whispered his apologies over and over, but he didn't cry. His tear ducts were dried up from the torrent of the night before. Bella's eyes gushed, however, and Edward held her until they abated. She rose slowly, and focused her eyes on his.

"I don't know if I can do this, Edward. It's…so hard. It's harder than I thought it would be. I can't…it hurts too much to think of you with anyone else, and…I'm not trying to…manipulate you or guilt-trip you, but…I can't tell you how it feels. And to go to our – the meadow, it's painful. I feel like…it feels like my heart was ripped open and now someone's poking around in it with a dull blade. It's ongoing and scary and I'm afraid it won't ever stop if I'm with you. How can…how can we go on from this?"

Edward's own heart ripped open with her admission. He didn't want to cause her pain but the thought of letting her go for good made him want to slice himself open and bleed out. He wasn't trying to be melodramatic, but he literally thought he might die without her.

"I'll do whatever it takes, Bella. Please, please don't walk away from me. I don't want you to hurt but I'm so goddamn selfish, I don't think I can let you go. I'll do whatever you want, I'll fucking whip myself if I have to. Please. Think of a way, there must be a way to keep going. We can forget the meadow, forget the tree houses and the swings and the creek and anything else and start over. I'll take you somewhere new and we'll make a new memory there and it won't sting like this, I promise."

"But I don't want to forget the meadow and the tree houses, I just want to be able to have you and now hurt like this. Please tell me, Edward. Tell me that you're sorry and that those girls meant nothing. Tell me."

Bella's desperation surprised her. She didn't realize she sought so much affirmation until that moment.

"They didn't mean a goddamn thing and I would do anything, I would give _anything_ if I could go back in time and erase every single one of them. I would do anything, I promise Bella. I'm such a fucking idiot! I didn't want any of them, and I didn't want the drugs, and I didn't want anything but you. And when I couldn't have you I just…self-destructed. I know you can't forgive me yet, but I'll do anything. Just give me time. Give me a chance."

Bella watched his beautiful face pale with fear. The knife dug deeper into her heart as she considered staying with him. Could she stay and deal with the pain and the constant self-consciousness? Or could she walk away, knowing she'd lost a part of herself she could never get back?

Bella leaned her head back and shouted as loudly as she could.

"FUCK!" She felt unladylike, and was almost embarrassed, but she was so tightly wound she didn't know what else to do. She dropped her chin to her chest, seeing the dirty edges of her summer dress and Edward's shirt, and she was mad. She was too angry to hold it in. She jumped up from Edward's lap and stalked over to the first branch she found. It was thick but not too heavy, and she swung it as hard as she could, smashing it into the ground as debris flew around her.

"Fucking Tanya, fucking Lauren, fucking Renee, fucking Forks, fucking Edward, fucking everybody! I'm –"

_Smack_.

"So –"

_Smack._

"Fucking –"

_Smack. Smack_.

"Pissed –"

_Smack._ Bella threw the limb with all if her might into a thin tree, and the bark splintered.

"At everyone!"

Edward watched from his position on the forest floor, frozen in shock. He had never seen fury on Bella's face before, not like that. He watched her in awe as she beat the shit out of the ground with a fucking tree limb, shouting and grunting with her effort.

"I just want my own life! Why can't I have that? Why is everything so goddamn hard?"

Bella picked up another branch and walked towards the small tree she had splintered already.

"I hate this! I hate it, I want my own life!"

She swung the branch like a baseball bat, and Edward opened his mouth to warn her, but her screams drowned him out. The branch connected with the tree, and the way Bella staggered back and dropped the limb told him that she felt the aftershocks of the collision.

Edward grabbed her before she fell, and he saw that her hands were scratched and red, with tiny droplets of blood welling up on her palms. Bella's eyes were wide as she stared at her arms. It felt like an electric current ran up both of them when the limb connected with the tree, and even her teeth rattled.

Abruptly, she was even angrier. She even failed at throwing a tantrum.

"Damn it!"

Edward watched her warily.

"I even messed that up!"

Edward couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. The sight of his Bella, her hair falling around her shoulders, her sundress billowing with her movements, and her dainty wrists flailing around in the dirty muck of the forest was too much. He knew she was probably feeling a great deal of pain in her hands, but he couldn't help himself. He shook with laughter as he gripped her tighter to him, his head resting on her shoulder.

The tingling pain in her hands subsided as she recognized how ridiculous she must've looked. Bella's own belly started to contract with suppressed laughter, until it filled her up and refused to be held down. She laughed harder than she had in well over a year. She laughed until tears streamed down her face, until her abs burned and her knees tried to give out. She looped her hands around Edward's neck and the two of them laughed against each other, their bodies shaking in unison, making them one again.

Bella didn't know how much time had passed. It could've been minutes or hours, but it didn't matter. She was holding Edward, and he was holding her. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so right. She didn't want to let go, but she knew she would have to eventually.

"I want this. I want you. I want to try, but you'll have to be patient with me. Please."

Edward nodded into her mud-caked hair. He squeezed her tighter, and the relief was tangible around them.

"I know exactly what we can do. Something we've never done, it'll be perfect. A new start. How much time do you have?"

Bella smiled at the excitement in Edward's eyes. She looked up at the sky to check the position of the sun. It barely peeked out behind some clouds. Late afternoon; the days were much longer now as summer swung in full force.

"Depends. How much time do we need?"

"Not too long. We have to drive, though."

"I'll have to check with Rose, first. Maybe they're back at the house," Bella said as she reluctantly pulled back from Edward. Her body ached at his absence. "We can do this, right? We'll make it?"

Edward looked at the possibility shining in Bella's eyes and nodded. He would do whatever it took to make sure that they did make it.

"Yes. No matter what."

He smiled and grabbed her hand. She didn't pull away. They walked back to the house in near silence, though every once in a while Edward would look at her, admiringly, before breaking into another fit of giggles. Bella's dress was almost completely brown, and leaves and twigs were stuck in her hair. Her bare legs were cut up and dirty, her shoes coated in grime, and her hair stuck to her sweaty neck. She was never more beautiful to him than at that moment.

Bella would giggle along with him, casting glances down at her near-ruined clothes, but couldn't bring herself to regret it. Her hands still didn't feel good, and she would be sore tomorrow, but the tension she released as she yelled and lamented and tried desperately to beat the living fuck out of a pile of leaves was incomparable. The laughter she and Edward shared felt like it purged her rage and hurt and she could breathe again. She knew that she wouldn't feel that way forever. She would still be tortured over the things Edward had done, but she felt better. She felt lighter, freer. She felt like all hope was not lost.

"So what are we going to do?"

"We're going to La Push. To the cliffs."

"The cliffs? For what?"

"You'll see."

As Edward and Bella approached the Cullen house, Emmett and Rose stood from their seats on the back deck. Rose looked alarmed when she saw the state that Bella's clothes were in, and voiced her concern immediately. Emmett's brows pulled together in confusion.

"There may have been a fight," Edward began, trying his best not to laugh.

"A fight?" Emmett started to charge towards Edward, assuming that for some reason Edward had fought Bella.

"Yes. It was…awful. And I…I didn't win," Bella nearly whispered.

Edward was impressed with Bella's downcast expression. She looked truly disheartened. She gripped his hand as she held back her own laughter.

"What the hell, bro?"

Rose's eyes flashed with anger as she came up behind Emmett and opened her mouth to rail on Edward. She saw their clasped hands and wondered what had really happened.

"The forest…the forest won."

Emmett and Rose both paused and sorted through Edward's words, trying to piece the story together. Before either could say anything, both Edward and Bella burst out laughing again. Bella leaned her head over against Edward's shoulder, and Edward brought his free hand around to hug her to him. They both laughed harder when they saw the bewildered expressions on Rose and Emmett's faces.

Bella looked up and saw the joy in Edward's eyes, and she couldn't help but feel it too. She knew things would be hard, but it was worth it. She smiled wider as she realized they were already making new memories. She sent up a silent prayer that she and Edward would make it.

* * *

**Some recommended reading this week (I read a lot this past week):**

**Full Dark** (on Twilighted) **by Gina-bean** -- A great AU fic starting at the end of Eclipse. Do not read unless you have a strong stomach, this story gets pretty intense.

**The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep by bananapancakes7** -- Very twisty story taking place in Forks, at an old inn. Compelling writing.

**Secrets Don't Keep Friends by KTBass** -- High School AH tale that reminds us what it's like to be young, realistically.

**The Coven of the Signs by nashstheory** -- AH AU set at a polygamist sect in the hills of West Virginia. Very unique.

**The Kubler Ross Model** **by jaded and boring** -- Great seven chapter, complete story, but -- tissue alert -- it's a sad one. (And it's got a sequel -- Tie Me Here in Time)


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow, you guys are awesome! I got a silly amount of Favorite/Story Alerts this week, so a big thank you to everyone out there reading this little story. I appreciate everyone taking the time to check it out. I'll let you in on a little secret, I have finished writing Bitter Edge. It's fifteen chapters long, including an epilogue, so we're almost halfway. There's a lot more fun in this chapter, so I hope everyone enjoys getting to take a little break.**

**I'll recommend some more songs: Florence + The Machine - "Cosmic Love," and Mumford & Sons - "White Blank Page," and Slow Club - "It Doesn't Always have to be Beautiful, Unless it's Beautiful." And, on a totally unrelated note, I'll also recommend that everyone rent _An Education_, which came out this week. Excellent move, set in England in the 60s. Like I said, totally unrelated, but it's really good.**

***edit* I'm a terrible, terrible person who forgot to thank my betas, Zombies Run This Town and imahappymess, who helped me pull this thing together. Forgive me.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or much of anything (especially since my apartment was broken into and a laptop was stolen. Sigh. City living.)**

* * *

Rose agreed quickly to Bella and Edward's request to go to La Push. She was initially quite worried when the two of them tromped out of the forest covered in mud, but the flush of Bella's cheeks and the smile on her face quickly comforted her. Rose knew that Bella missed Edward, even if she was nervous about getting together again. She knew Bella was hurt by Edward's actions, and Rose was hesitant to push her back into his arms.

But Rose also knew that Edward was hurting, and probably felt as helpless as she did. She wanted those two to have a chance. She was determined for Bella to have a little fun, relax, and just be a teenager. She shooed the lovesick pair off, making sure Bella took her cell phone in case Renee called again, and then returned to her conversation with Emmett. She was even more intrigued with him than she had been before. He was intelligent, and majoring in Engineering at the University of Washington. He was also incredibly fun loving, and from what she could tell, protective and loyal.

They ended up doing very little that afternoon. A trip to the grocery store provided them with beer and snacks, and after stopping at a nearby playground, they headed back to the Cullen mansion. Rose had never seen houses like theirs when she was growing up. Apart from the Dwyer's home, she had never been in a house that large. Rose's mother raised her and her brother on her own in a tiny two-bedroom cottage. Rose shared a room with Peter, her older brother, until she was thirteen and complained. Her mother slept on the couch so that Rose could have her own room.

Rose's mother worked hard to provide for both of her children. She didn't drink and rarely smoked, but she had one weakness: men. Rose didn't realize until she was a teenager that her mother, Cynthia, sometimes didn't come home at night. Cynthia was a waitress at an upscale hotel restaurant and bar, so she met a plethora of men at any given time. Cynthia wasn't a bad mother, and Rose didn't begrudge her having a little fun mixed in with her mundane life. She didn't want her mother to be lonely.

When Rose began dating Royce in high school, Cynthia encouraged her to hold on to him. Royce was popular, great looking, and from a well-off family. He was always respectful of Rose and very polite to Cynthia. Peter voiced his suspicions of Royce, like any good, older brother would, but Rose was smitten. She envisioned herself getting out of Walla Walla, perhaps going away to college with Royce and getting married. She gave her virginity to him early on; she loved him and knew that he was worth it.

One night Royce came over, stumbling through Rose's small house and calling her name. Cynthia wasn't home yet and Peter had moved out two months prior. Royce found his way to Rose's room in his drunken stupor and began to tear at her clothes. She told him repeatedly to stop and slapped and scratched his face until he hit her back. He was angry and he wasn't going to be deterred. He covered her mouth with one hand as she whimpered, pleading with God that somehow Royce wouldn't do what he was trying to do.

Unfortunately, her prayers fell of deaf ears, and though Royce was only taking what she'd already given him numerous times, something else was stolen from her that night. She was eighteen, and she was about to graduate. Rose had the foresight to talk to the school, ensuring that she had more than enough credits to graduate. She falsified a family emergency that required her to leave immediately and fled town, leaving only a note for her mother behind. She didn't know where to go, so she drove west. Eventually she made it to the coast, settling down in Port Angeles so she could attend community college.

She stayed in Forks after getting her Associates Degree in business, and got the job at the Dwyer's. She was far away from Royce but she knew she couldn't get far enough away from the memory.

Emmett's boisterous laugh brought her back to the present.

"So what are you planning on doing when you 'grow up,' Rosie?" Emmett took a swig of his beer and looked at her with a dimpled grin.

"Well, actually, I would love to open up an auto shop."

"Auto shop? You like working on cars?"

"I love working on cars. I've taken a lot of business classes, too, so I can run it myself. I don't know when it'll happen, but I hope it's not too far off."

Rose watched Emmett's surprised expression morph into a deeper interest, and she smiled. She hoped he found her as interesting as she did him.

"So your mom won't mind that we're sitting on her deck all afternoon drinking beer?"

"Nah. She's cool. And she really likes you, so…I'm sure you'd be welcome to come back and just do this anytime."

Emmett hoped Rose realized that the invite wasn't necessarily from Esme.

"So, you think those two crazy kids are gonna get it together, or what?" Emmett's head tossed back towards the door where Bella and Edward had entered the house, covered in mud.

"I don't know. I hope so. Well, I think I hope so. I just don't want Bella to get hurt anymore. So if Edward's good for her, then I hope that can make it work. But if he's not…then I don't want her to waste another second on him."

Emmett wanted to defend his brother, but he knew that Edward had made a lot of mistakes over the past year. He was a bit inspired by Rose's maternal protectiveness over Bella, however.

"I know. I love her, too, she's like my other kid sister. If Edward does anything to hurt her, I'll kick his ass. She's too good…she should be treated like…I don't know, like a fucking princess or something, you know? But even with everything Edward's done, I know he loves her. He's loved her since they were little."

Rose smiled as she watched the memories dance behind Emmett's eyes. He stared off into the woods, and Rose could hear the nearby creek in their silence.

"Man, when we were kids, they were inseparable. I had my own friends and all, but I kinda liked hangin' out with them. They were a lot of fun. Bella was always trying to impress Edward, prove that she could keep up with him. And Edward was always trying to protect her and show off. He wanted to be like…a superhero or something. They were cute, I gotta say. She'd stay over and we'd sleep in our 'fort' in the living room. Alice thought Bella hung the moon or something. It was nice, having her around…sometimes I really miss being a kid."

"I know exactly what you mean." Rose knew that her upbringing was probably very different from Emmett's, but she could remember playing with Peter and having no worries or cares. Her mother would chase them in the small front yard and they'd squeal in delight. She wished she could go back, just for a moment, just to savor the innocence. She was a strong person because of what she had gone through, but she wished more often than not that she could've gone on living in her naïveté.

A door slammed at the front of the house. Rose heard a car start, and knew that Bella and Edward were finally heading out. She wondered if they had gotten cleaned up inside, and how Bella was going to handle going out somewhere with just Edward. She had a moment of regret before she reminded herself that Edward would take care of her, and they could call Emmett at anytime.

Edward was antsy to get to La Push. He couldn't wait to show Bella what he had planned for them. He just hoped it wasn't too cold out. He filled the backseat with towels and extra clothes: sweatpants, hoodies, and thick socks. He threw in two blankets, as well.

Bella was excited, despite not knowing what they were going to do. She surmised from the towels and clothes that they might be going swimming, but they had done that plenty of times growing up. Edward said they were going to do something new. She couldn't believe Edward had let her get into his car without cleaning up at all. She tried to be careful, but the dried mud was beginning to flake off, and she could see that his grey floorboards were already suffering.

Edward drove down the packed dirt roads with ease, not stopping until the road narrowed to a small footpath. He jumped out and grabbed two towels before telling Bella to follow him. He looked down at her feet, contemplating before he spoke.

"You should leave your shoes in the car," he explained.

"My shoes? Do we have to walk very far?"

"A little ways, but the path isn't bad. I won't wear mine, either."

Bella slipped her shoes off and turned to toss them back into the front seat. Her feet were already tender from their earlier hike, but she trusted Edward. They began walking and she could hear the ocean crashing to their right. As they emerged from a small wooded area, Bella caught side of the tide rolling in, and the cliffs standing up in front of them. They were headed on an incline, and Bella realized what they were going to be doing.

"Are we jumping?"

Edward watched excitement mix with fear in Bella's eyes as he nodded emphatically.

"It's pretty high, but you were always a strong swimmer, and we'll jump together. It'll be awesome, I promise." Edward motioned towards a stray driftwood log sitting on the sand, and threw his towel down on it. "We'll come out of the water about here, so we can dry off some before we get back to the car. I brought plenty of clothes for you to change into. Maybe you should take off your sweater, though?"

Bella looked down at the cardigan she wore. She knew it would be a hassle to swim in, but she couldn't help but feel nervous over exposing her chest and shoulders in the skinny-strapped dress she wore. She finally nodded before slipping it off and sitting it with the towels.

Edward fought to stay relaxed when he saw the expanse of her collarbones and the top of her modest cleavage. Bella was too beautiful for words, enhanced by the contrast of dark, dried mud against her ivory skin. He wanted to trace his fingers along the blue-green veins he could see on her chest, but he refrained. He had to keep himself in check.

Edward offered Bella a piggyback ride up the steep incline, but she was confident that she could make it. The higher they climbed the more elated Bella felt. She couldn't wait to jump off of the cliff. She hoped it felt like flying, like freedom, and she hoped she came out of the water new. She wanted to be washed clean.

They weren't alone when they reached the top. A few local boys were scattered across the cliffs, shirtless and barefoot. Most of them had wet hair, so Bella surmised that they had already jumped at least once.

"Hey, Jake. What's up?"

A boy with long hair tied back looked up and smiled at Edward.

"Cullen! Not much, what's new with you?"

"Same ol', same ol'. Glad schools out finally. You guys out yet?"

"Nah, we've got a couple more days, then we're free." Jake's eyes traveled over to the small brunette standing beside Edward. She looked excited and fidgety. He wanted to know who she was without having to ask, but Edward didn't seem to be offering up the information.

"Hey, I'm Jake," he said cordially, offering his hand.

"Oh, hi, I'm Bella," she replied, dragging her eyes away from the ocean. Jake had a flash of recognition.

"Bella Swan? Charlie's daughter?" Bella nodded her affirmation. "I'm Jake Black, my dad Billy used to fish with Charlie a lot."

"Oh yeah, Billy Black! Of course. Nice to see you, I'm sure we met when we were little."

"Yeah, I'd say we did."

Edward saw the way Jake's eyes lingered on Bella, so he cleared his throat and began speaking.

"So, Bella and I are going to jump. Cool?" Edward didn't need Jake's permission, but he was on Quileute land so he didn't want to step on any toes. Jake grinned and told him it was fine.

Edward grabbed Bella's hand and led her to the edge. Bella chanced one glance straight down, and her stomach dropped. She wanted to jump, but she couldn't deny how intimidating the height was.

"You scared?"

"Just a little. I'm excited. I've never done anything like this before," Bella explained.

"Don't let go of my hand until we're in the water, then swim up. I'll be right there with you." Edward watched Bella carefully, ensuring that she was in fact ready for the jump. They toed the edge and both took deep breaths. Edward smiled at Bella's delighted expression.

"One…two…three!" Both jumped at the same time, hands connected and stretched between them.

Bella could feel her dress billowing against her legs, and she had never felt freer. The rush of wind was intense, and a little cold, but she felt alive. Her hair came loose and her skin tingled with the colliding air. She didn't want the moment to end, but then she hit the water. It was cold enough to feel like pinpricks on her overheated skin. She held onto Edward's hand until she plummeted as far as she was going to. She shook her hand free and began to swim to the top.

She could feel her dress rising around her, attempting to beat her to the top. She was suddenly afraid that Edward had his eyes open and would be looking. Bella hadn't worn a bra under her dress and hadn't thought of the repercussions of jumping in it until that moment. She kicked her legs as hard as she could, trying to get to the top so she could hopefully secure her dress around her. When she emerged from the water, she took a large gulp of air, not realizing how long she was down there for.

Edward's head broke the surface a few yards away, his hair over his forehead, face red with exertion and green eyes twinkling. Bella let a carefree laugh loose as Edward swam nearer to her. In a quick motion he bobbed out of the water and tugged at his heavy shirt. He didn't want to try to swim back with it on. He could see the bottom edge of Bella's dress floating in the water, and was puzzled.

Bella saw his curious look and explained.

"My dress, it's a bit lighter than my body obviously, so it keeps floating to the top," she said, blushing.

"You can take it off. It's not far to our towels on the beach, and no one else is around. It's like wearing a bikini, no big deal. I won't even look," Edward offered. Unfortunately, the only thing we wanted to do at that moment was drop below the surface and take a peek.

"No! I can't. I mean, it's fine. I can swim in it."

Edward noticed Bella's face was even redder than before, and continued to question her. Bella grew frustrated quickly as she tried to turn and swim to shore, her dress tangling around her elbows, but she wouldn't relent. She couldn't. She'd be mortified. Edward wouldn't drop the issue, however.

"Edward! Stop! I don't have a bra on, there is no chance in hell that I am taking my dress off, so just shut up!"

Edward was simultaneously turned on by the thought of a bare-chested Bella and relieved that she had told him to shut up. That was the Bella he knew from before. She never hesitated to put him in his place, and he hoped that she wouldn't stop now.

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't know, obviously. I'll shut up now," he told her, a smirk working its way onto his face. Bella huffed but couldn't help but smile back at him. They reached the shore quickly, and Bella's eyes floated to Edward's stomach and chest with little effort.

He looked good. He had some muscle tone, but looked reasonably like a soon-to-be eighteen-year old boy. His pecks weren't huge and his abs weren't too cut, but he looked perfect to her. She had to pull her gaze away before she got caught. They walked towards the driftwood where their towels were laid out. She pulled at the fabric of her dress. It was clinging to her like a second skin.

Edward watched Bella walk in front of him, and he couldn't help but admire the curvy shape of her hips. She mostly had the body of a waif, but her hips had spread to give her more of an hourglass shape. He willed himself not to get too excited, as there was little he could hide in his current situation. Bella wrapped her towel around her shoulders and turned to watch Edward do the same. He saw that her teeth were beginning to chatter, so he rubbed his hands up and down her arms for friction.

"Let's get to the car," he told her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and leading her in the right direction. Bella's hair dripped ice-cold water on his arms, and Edward fought the urge to shiver.

They reached the car and both opened the back doors to grab some clothes.

"You can change in the car, I'll change out here and keep watch. I won't look," he said with a wink. Bella blushed and looked down, but agreed. She grabbed a pair of pants, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt, looking forward to warming up. She slid into the backseat as Edward shut the door and walked to the back of the car. She stealthily peeled her underwear off without removing her dress and quickly replaced them with the dry sweatpants, which were about three sizes too big. An errant glance out the window revealed a beautiful sight to Bella.

She didn't mean to stare, but she couldn't look away from the sight of Edward's totally bare backside. His muscles flexed in his shoulders as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants, putting an end to Bella's show. She licked her lips and felt a flash of heat through her body. She felt a little guilty for looking but couldn't be sorry that she did. She pulled the dress over head quickly and pulled the t-shirt on. It was large enough that it wasn't obvious that she didn't have a bra on. She zipped up her sweatshirt and looked out to find that Edward was fully dressed and facing the other direction. He was true to his word – he didn't look.

She opened the door to get out, and Edward turned to look at her. He couldn't deny that he loved seeing her dressed in his clothes. He saw her tiny bare feet and he reminded her to put on some socks. He grabbed a blanket from the back and handed it to her as she got into the passenger seat. He shut her door for her and walked around to the driver's side, getting in and starting the car. He drove down the road silently, and turned the heat on for Bella.

"So, you have fun?"

"Oh my god. It was…incredible. Thank you – it was just what I needed. And what we needed. A new memory, right?"

Edward watched Bella's eyes dance with lightness.

"Exactly."

"How 'bout you?"

"It was amazing. It felt like flying, didn't it? Just for a split-second."

"It did. I want to do it again. Maybe when it's warmer out."

They both smiled contentedly as they headed back to the Cullen house. Bella's day had turned abruptly better after the string of events that took place. The crying fit, the destruction of the forest, the deep belly laughter and the unbelievable jump from the cliff culminated in a purge of epic proportions. Her soul hadn't felt so light in years. She hoped the feeling would last.

Edward couldn't help but steal glances at Bella as they drove back towards his home. She looked absolutely radiant. Her pale skin was glowing, and her eyes looked like flames resided in the chocolate brown. He wanted to make her look like that always. He wanted to stroke her rosy cheeks and pull at her tangled hair. He wanted to slip his hands under the enormous shirt she wore and feel her naked back. He tore his eyes away from her and tried not to think of her body any longer.

Bella continued to replay the moments of the day through her mind, and found herself lingering on the sight of Edward, half-naked and dripping wet, his skin pebbling up in goose bumps and his cheeks flushed. His smile was wide enough to cause the skin around his eyes to crinkle, and two dimples appear. His dimples were a secret to most people; only Bella and Edward's family knew of their existence. Edward treated everyone else to his signature crooked smile, but Bella loved to see his secret smile.

Esme was just putting the finishing touches on dinner when she heard the front door open. Emmett informed her that Edward texted him and said they would be home soon, so she expected to see her youngest son and her precious Bella walk into the kitchen.

"Hey, babe. How was your day?" Carlisle strode up to her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh, good, hi…you're home early! To what do I owe this surprise?" Esme tried to hide her slight panic and busied her hands with putting dinner rolls into a basket.

"Ah, just a slow day. There was a surgery rescheduled for tomorrow, so I thought all my paperwork could wait. I was thinking maybe we could have kind of a family night. Corny, I know, but it's been a long time. We can eat then watch a movie?"

"That sounds great, honey, um…we've got some company, though. But they'll probably stay, too…."

Carlisle watched his wife's face redden and became suspicious.

"Who's here?"

Rose and Emmett strolled into the kitchen just in time to hear Carlisle's question.

"Hey, pop. Have you met Rose? She's staying with Bella this summer," Emmett explained while trying to steal a roll away from his mother. Esme swatted his hand but smiled affectionately at him.

"Oh, hi. Nice to meet you, Rose," Carlisle said in a formal tone. His mind ran through the options quickly. "So, Bella is here, as well?"

"Not yet, she and Edward went out to La Push. They'll be back any minute…I'm starving!" Emmett didn't notice the tension that filled the room at the mention of Bella. Rose's eyes darted between Esme and Carlisle before she grabbed Emmett's arm.

"Come on, Em. Let's set the table."

"Table's already set." Emmett looked up at her with a questioning look.

"Just come with me."

Rose clenched her jaw and even though Emmett was clueless as to what was going on, he wasn't going to argue. He found her steely side incredibly appealing.

"So, Bella's over here? Again? She was just here yesterday."

"Yes, Edward invited her over. Don't act surprised, they've been friends for years."

Esme studiously avoided making eye contact with her husband.

"Yes, but the last I heard was that Bella wasn't allowed to come over here anymore. Did Renee change her mind? Or are you and Rose going against her wishes?"

Esme hated the condescending tone he took with her. She finally looked at him and let him feel the weight of her glare. His blue eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn't waver.

"She's seventeen for Christ's sake! She deserves to have a life. There's no harm in her coming over here. And don't you dare make a call to Phil to tell him, Carlisle. Don't you dare."

Carlisle wanted to lash out at her like he did the night before, but he resisted. His wife didn't understand his loyalty to his friend. He didn't like keeping this from Phil, but he had to admit to himself that there wasn't anything at their home that could be dangerous to Bella. He nodded his consent before storming up the stairs. He did not want to argue right then.

The front door opened again, and a waterlogged Edward and Bella marched into the kitchen, looking quite pleased with themselves. Esme saw Edward's clothes hanging off of Bella's slight frame and couldn't help but giggle.

"What in the world did you two do?"

"We went cliff diving…." Edward waited for his mother's overreaction.

"Edward Anthony! You both could've been killed! Bella, dear, are you all right?" She ran up to the pair and did a preliminary check. They both looked fine, if not a bit wet and run down, so she tried to stay calm.

"I'm better than all right, Esme. I'm wonderful!"

Esme's eyes widened at Bella's suddenly chipper disposition. Who was she to argue? Edward's spine straightened with pride, and Esme knew that he was happy with himself for helping make Bella so happy. Alice bounded down the stairs before anyone else could speak.

"Bella, Bella, Bella! You're going to stay the night, isn't that so fun! We can watch movies and stay up late and eat and what are you wearing?" Alice's grey eyes darted to each garment Bella wore with disgust. She held her hands to her own chest as though she didn't want to be infected.

"Just some clothes. We went cliff diving, so we changed right after. Um, maybe I should check with Rose first –"

"Already did! She's going to stay, too! Like a slumber party!"

Bella looked at Esme for confirmation.

"Rose did agree, but it's up to you, Bella. You two can share the guestroom on the second floor, if that's okay. The other isn't inhabitable at the moment." Esme ignored Edward's probing look. She had a feeling that she wouldn't be sharing a bed with Carlisle tonight.

"Oh, yeah, okay then. If Rose doesn't mind, I guess that's fine. Um, Alice, can you help me out with something?" Alice nodded as Bella grabbed her elbow and led her towards the stairs. Edward watched her go and couldn't wipe the stupid grin off of his face. He looked back at his mother.

"So things went well, I take it?"

"Definitely," he said with a laugh. "How long 'til dinner?"

"It's pretty much ready now. Are you going to shower?"

"I'll just do it after we eat. I am famished!"

Bella waited until she and Alice were safely in Alice's room before she spoke.

"I need a bra."

"You need a bra." Alice watched Bella with a blank expression.

"And underwear. I didn't wear one today because I had a dress on earlier, so if I'm going to stay here all night I need one, and of course my underwear got soaked when I jumped."

"'Kay. What are you…34A?" Alice's eyes were trained on breasts she could not see due to the bulky clothes Bella was wearing. "I can give you some other stuff to wear too, if you want."

"No, I'll wear this. I just would feel better if I had something else on underneath it." Alice nodded and walked over to her top dresser drawer. She opened it and Bella was immediately drawn to the rainbow collection inside.

"Whoa…that's a lot of lingerie, Alice. You're too young for that!"

"Ha, silly Bella. Once I was big enough to wear it, I became obsessed. See, I have every color, every cup, every strap option one could need. And I think I still have some 34A's in here if I'm not mistaken."

Bella gaped at Alice's newly buxom body and was jealous. "What size are you now??"

"Oh, just a B-cup. I probably won't get any bigger, if Mom's any indication."

Bella hated that a middle-schooler was making her feel inadequate, but she couldn't help it. Alice emerged with a lacy black thing and handed it to her.

"Alice…this is a bit…much, don't you think?"

"Nonsense! You need a black lacy bra! You can keep it. Actually, I'll give you all of the ones I can't wear now. No need in keeping them!"

Alice happily sorted through her vast bra collection while Bella turned away to change. She unzipped the large sweatshirt and pulled her t-shirt up. She was too uncomfortable to take it all of the way off, so she left it hanging around her neck like a too-thick scarf. The bra fit surprisingly well, and though she was loath to admit it, she felt pretty damn sexy.

"Shit, Bella, you look hot!" Bella gasped at Alice's sudden proximity before trying to tug her shirt over her chest quickly.

"Are you allowed to say 'shit,' Alice?"

"Not technically. But I'm sure, best friend, you will let it slide." Alice batted her eyes and Bella laughed before mussing up her hair. Alice pouted playfully before she sat out a matching pair of panties for Bella to put on. She then announced she would die of starvation if they didn't go eat at that very moment.

Bella couldn't deny the spring in her step as she and Alice paraded themselves to the dinner table. Bella took a seat next to Alice and by Esme who was at one end of the table. Edward sat on the other side of Alice, shooting her a grin before taking his seat. Rose and Emmett were opposite of Bella, looking extremely chummy. Bella caught Rose's eye and raised one eyebrow at her. Rose shrugged before looking at Emmett with a shy smile. Emmett caught the look and returned it. Bella had just noticed the last place sitting at the other end, by Edward, when Carlisle entered the room.

Bella hadn't seen Carlisle in over a year and a half. She missed the way he'd been when she was a child, but that Carlisle hadn't been present for years. She knew that he and Phil were friends, though she couldn't imagine why. She couldn't take her eyes off of him as he sat down, finally glancing at her.

"Bella. Good to see. You've been well?"

"Uh, yes, sir. And you?" Bella was caught off guard by his cold tone.

"Very well, thank you for asking." Carlisle said nothing else, to anyone. Edward glared in his father's direction countless times, but Carlisle didn't seem to notice.

Alice was happy to fill the silence, with Emmett interjecting from time to time.

"So, what'd you guys do at La Push?" Emmett looked back and forth between both Bella and Edward. Bella was afraid to speak, suddenly feeling intimidated by Dr. Cullen's presence.

"Went cliff diving," Edward explained. Emmett's eyes lit up, encouraging Edward to speak. "It was awesome, bro. I know you've done it before, but it was like nothing I've ever felt before. I just wish it hadn't been so cold. And maybe if we'd been dressed more suitably."

Edward sent a sly grin Bella's way, causing her to blush profusely. Everyone at the table watched her attempt to eat a large bite of broccoli and wash it down with several gulps of water. Bella looked at Rose, who through her feminine intuition, figured out what had happened. Rose nodded slightly before breaking the silence.

"So you like extreme sports, Edward?" Rose was being polite, but Carlisle's derisive laugh caught everyone's attention.

"Well, if getting high and screwing anything that moves is an extreme sport, than yes, Edward is _very_ into them."

"Carlisle!" The look Esme gave him would be enough to bring a grown man to his knees. Carlisle looked down, but was not appropriately abashed.

Edward had a loose grip on his anger. He slammed his fork down, about to give his father a piece of his mind, but Bella beat him to it.

"Screwing anything that moves does sound difficult to accomplish – and inebriation adds a whole other level of difficulty. Sounds like an extreme sport to me."

Alice choked on her water while Emmett broke out in loud chuckles. Rose was unable to hold back her giggles, and while Edward felt somewhat ashamed over the truth of Carlisle's statement, he couldn't deny the hilarity of the situation. He knew Bella didn't accept what he had done, but she was willing to stand up to his father for him. That meant more than she could know.

Bella kept her eyes fixed on her plate after her declaration. She didn't want to disrespect Carlisle, but it was hard to listen to Edward being mocked by his own father. She was hurt by what he'd done, but she didn't want it thrown in his face at every turn. She risked a peek at Esme and saw that she wasn't happy. Her glare was still fixed on Carlisle, so Bella hoped that Esme wasn't too upset with her.

Esme eventually looked down to see Bella's frightened eyes. She reached over and patted Bella's knee under the table in assurance. Bella let out a sigh of relief. Carlisle excused himself abruptly, and the laughter died down.

"So, are you all too old to watch a movie with your mother?" Esme looked at everyone at the table, her biological children and Bella and Rose the same.

"Nope. Not at all," Bella replied quickly. She missed Esme so much sometimes. She never got the kind of motherly affection that Esme gave so freely from Renee, and Bella was probably more than overdue. Everyone else agreed as well. Bella wanted to spend time with Edward and Alice, but she wouldn't have minded if it were just she and Esme.

Bella and Edward both took quick showers before coming down to the living room, where Emmett was holding up a DVD case.

"Alice isn't old enough to watch that!" Edward exclaimed at the very rated-R comedy.

"What? It's not that bad," Emmett began, and then twisted his lips to the side, thinking over some of the various scenes in the movie. "Actually, you're right. Nevermind."

"This one, this one!" Alice hopped up and down as she held out a vampire movie she'd already seen at least fifteen times. Edward and Emmett groaned simultaneously.

"Do you guys have Wall-E?" Rose asked as she plopped onto the large sectional that took up most of the living room.

"That's a good idea. We have it and I haven't seen it in months. Have you seen it, Bella?" Bella looked up at Emmett and shook her head. She wasn't even sure what he was talking about.

Emmett got the DVD ready as Bella took a seat in the corner of the L-shaped couch. Alice quickly curled up next to her, and before Edward could take a seat, Esme slid in on the other side of Bella. Edward wanted to pout, but when he saw how happy Bella looked to be cuddling between his mother and sister, he let it go.

Halfway through the movie, Carlisle came down the stairs and Esme jumped up and went to him. Edward took advantage and moved over to claim his mother's spot. Bella smiled at him, Alice still linking her arm through hers and running her fingers through Bella's still-drying hair. Edward wanted to be able to run his fingers through her hair, too, but was afraid it would be too forward. Bella shifted in her seat, straightening up slightly. Edward was glad she chose to keep wearing his clothes after she showered.

A few locks of Bella's hair spilled over onto Edward's shoulder, and he couldn't resist picking them up and admiring their texture. He thought he heard Bella sigh quietly, but wasn't sure if he imagined it.

Esme entered the room with snacks, and Carlisle in tow. Surprisingly, they cuddled up on the floor and leaned back against the couch. Edward figured they made up in the kitchen. He hoped Carlisle would be on his best behavior the rest of the night.

Bella enjoyed the movie immensely. The others decided on another movie to watch when the first one ended, but Bella was too tired to notice what it was. The heat of Edward's body against hers, coupled with the comfort of his clothes on her, lulled her to sleep within ten minutes. She was awoken by a soft voice in her ear, and rough hands stroking her hair.

"Let's get you to bed, Bella," Edward whispered. Bella nodded, too drowsy to speak. Edward stood and pulled Bella to her feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist and supported her weight as they walked to the stairs. Bella almost fell asleep on her feet, so Edward bent and picked her up bridal style and took her to the guest room she would be sharing with Rose. He wanted nothing more than to lie down next to her and watch her sleep, counting her breaths and memorizing her, but he knew Rose would be in the room in a minute. He kissed her on the forehead, sure she was too far-gone to realize it, and breathed the words she forbade him to speak.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, so -- this chapter alert will be going out to nearly fifty people! I'm so excited, and I really appreciate all of my readers out there. Thanks so much for taking a chance on a teeny, little-known fic. Sigh. So, a big thanks to my betas, Zombies Run This Town and imahappymess -- they fix my stupid errors and do it all insanely quickly.**

**Also, I must recommend the fic _Legendary_ by WhatsMyNomDePlume. It is amazing -- a supernatural mystery set within Forks High. A definite must-read. Seriously. Go read it now.**

**I have a sneaking suspicion that you guys are going to love this chapter.**

**Song rec's: Tegan & Sara - "The Ocean," and Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - "Home"**

**Disclaimer: 'Tis not mine.**

* * *

"_Don't come in here!"_

"_It's just –"_

"_No! Get out of here! Now!"_

"_Mom, please, I'm scared."_

"_Get out of here!"_

"_Mom, please," the small girl sobbed._

"_Get the fuck out! Get out!"_

_The frightened child walked back to her room, clutching the blue blanket she carried with her from her father's home. Tears streamed down her face as she turned back into her open door, only to discover her mother was there as well._

"_I told you to leave, I'm busy. Get out of here."_

"_I did, I left, I didn't mean to –"_

"_I'm working! Get out!"_

_The little girl cried harder as she backed out of the room. She was confused, and scared. Her mother wore a small red top, lacy, pretty, and her hair was long and stringy. The girl could make out a man's profile lying on the bed below her mother. _

"_What are you doing?"_

"_I'm busy."_

_Her mother leaned over and sniffed the man's chest. The girl didn't understand why her mother was smelling the strange man in her room. She turned and ran down the hallway to the kitchen. She went to the refrigerator, only to hear her mother's voice behind her._

"_You're always in the way. Get out of here. Leave. Now!"_

_There was a clatter behind the little girl, and as she turned, she saw her mother kneeling over a set of knives on the tile floor. She walked towards the mess, stopping when she saw blood pouring from her mother's hands. She wanted to help, but all she could do was cry._

_Her eyes began to shut, and no matter how hard she struggled, they wouldn't open. Her mother's voice was quiet in her ears._

"_You mess up everything."_

Bella awoke with a start. A noise next to her startled her further. Bella didn't know where she was or who was in the bed with her. For a moment, one crazy moment, still in half-consciousness, she feared that it was Phil. He'd never touched her before, but she worried it was only a matter of time. The thought fled as quickly as it came as Bella recognized the outline of Rose's face. She was safe. Rose was sleeping next to her, in a guest room, at the Cullen's. Nothing to worry about.

Bella's elevated heart rate was harder to convince. It took its precious time slowing down, her breath still coming in faster than usual. The remnants of her dream floated through her mind. Bella could piece scenes together with real life events, but didn't want to. She didn't like to remember the things she'd seen her mother do when she was too young to know what was going on.

She especially hated to think of her mother's bloody hands in the kitchen. Bella was queasy that morning, and was unable to escape Renee. An hour after the incident, Renee left her hiding under the kitchen table, with blood smeared on her face. Bella couldn't stand the scent of blood to this day. Those moments were frightening, but Bella never told her father. She begged him to let her stay with him all the time, and came up with excuses to go see Edward when it was time to see her mother, but she never confessed the things she'd seen. They were too scary, like those movies she snuck and watched at night. She didn't think anyone would believe her, and sometimes she thought she dreamed them all up, and that her mother was actually wonderful and sunshine-y.

Bella snorted at the memory.

_Sunshine-y. What a fucking joke. Renee was an eclipse, or a star gone supernova. Black as coal and eating away all the light._

Bella sighed, reveling in her momentary safety. At least she was here, with Rose, and with her extended family. She had Esme, and Alice; she had Edward. She wished she could stay here longer, but Renee would call tomorrow, expecting her to be doing schoolwork, even on a Saturday. Bella needed to keep up with her studies so as not to alarm Renee. Bella knew that her mother was mildly paranoid on her best days, and downright delusional on her worst. She actually hoped that the time away, and concentrated time with her husband, would be good for all of them.

Edward couldn't sleep. All he could think about was the brown-eyed beauty sleeping one floor below him. He imagined her sighing in her sleep, his t-shirt riding up and twisting around Bella's torso as she rolled over, exposing her porcelain skin. He imagined lying behind her, pressing himself into the lines of her back, and wrapping his arms around her. He would pull her as close to him as he could, completely concave until she sunk into him. He thought of her beautiful long neck and the way he could mark it. He thought of how wild her hair would be when he was finished worshipping her.

So he lay in his bed, unable to sleep, trying desperately to stop thinking about Bella. And trying to ignore his raging hard-on. He didn't feel right about jerking off whilst thinking of Bella as she slept in his home. It felt too lecherous, and he was trying to reform. He tried to think of morbid things, macabre movie scenes and the least appealing people he knew naked, but nothing helped. Bella floated through his consciousness without permission. He flopped around in frustration before finally giving in, and sliding his hand under the waistband of his boxers.

He wanted to feel dirty, and wrong. He wanted to, but it just felt too good. His relief was instantaneous, and though he knew he'd regret it in the morning, he barely cleaned himself up before finally succumbing to sleep.

A voice outside of Edward's room alerted him to the new morning. He recognized Alice's bubbly intonation, and he tried to focus on what she was saying as he woke up.

"You left all the lingerie in my room! I figured you'd want to wear something new today –"

"Alice, I have to go home soon. I don't need to change, I promise. But I'll take the stuff. And thank you, again."

"You're welcome! But are you sure, 'cause I think that navy blue demi-cup would look really good on you and give you some lift –"

"I have plenty of lift, Alice! I'm seventeen, not seventy. I'm not saggy yet. And be quiet! Edward can probably hear us!"

"Oh, silly Bella. He doesn't get up before noon on Saturdays…of course, that was when he was staying out all hours of the night, as Mom put it. Maybe…."

Edward had two choices. He could not open the door, and let this conversation die naturally, and Bella would be none-the-wiser that he heard her discussing boob-lifting. Or…he could open the door, reveal himself and smirk, and watch Bella blush beautifully.

He wished he were more of a gentleman in times like these, but he loved to tease Bella, and he couldn't let the opportunity pass.

He flung the door open to his room, only to see Bella and Alice standing directly in front of it, both with eyes wide and mouths gaping open. Alice began to laugh, but, true to form, Bella blushed a deep crimson, which began at her cheeks and branched outward. Edward smiled at her knowingly.

"Morning, ladies. Bella…you're looking positively young, and if I may say so, perky this morning."

Bella shut her mouth and glared at Alice, before stepping closer to Edward, effectively blocking Alice's view.

"Well, I believe you're looking pretty perky yourself, Edward," Bella said in a hushed tone, stealing one tiny glance down to his crotch. Edward suddenly became aware of the slight case of morning wood he was sporting. He was embarrassed. He knew he was blushing. But the proximity of Bella and her perky breasts was enough to feed his desire at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to press against her, feel her hipbones against him, and the softness of her belly, but he didn't. He instead cleared his throat.

"Ah, you may be right. I'll see you guys downstairs," he explained as he turned quickly and shut his bedroom door behind him.

Bella was glad she was able to enjoy her small victory. She was pretty sure that boys couldn't help but be aroused in the morning (though she could not fathom why), but she hoped that Edward's hard-on might have something to do with her.

Edward entered the kitchen and discovered a veritable feast. Esme had made French toast, bacon, sausage, eggs, grits – Emmett's favorite – and blueberry muffins. His stomach growled in appreciated as he determined his best plan of attack. He heard Bella's sweet laugh and he turned to see her pulling milk and juice out of the refrigerator as she listened to something Rose said. Edward went and stood next to her, silently offering his hands to help her with the containers.

Bella turned and looked up at her sometimes best friend, appreciating his even more unruly hair and bright green eyes, wishing that she could go back a year and make this moment exist then. She wanted it to be completely untainted – perhaps the morning after their first kiss, excitement sizzling in their bones and smiles cracking their faces. She felt that surge within her, but it wasn't complete. It was tamped down with the knowledge that they had much to work through, and trust to gain back. She wished she could change things, but since she couldn't, she just smiled and handed the gallon of milk to him.

Edward carried the beverage containers to the island where Emmett was camped out, shoveling food in like he was in a competition. His family lingered around, wearing pajamas with still-heavy eyes and shiny faces. It was perfect for a moment, as Edward realized what he actually had. He regretted taking them for granted, hurting them constantly over the last year, and letting days go by where he ignored them completely. A pang hit his heart as he pondered the effect his actions have on others.

As soon as everyone was seated, with full plates in front of them, conversation dwindled. Bella stole furtive glances at the Cullen family, and Rose, as they all ate. She missed being with people like this. She missed having warmth and acceptance and comfort and love. She didn't want to cry into her French toast, but she found herself having hard time holding back her emotions. She tried to sniffle silently as she took a bite of crunchy bacon, but ever-perceptive Edward looked at her in concern. She didn't look up to meet his eyes, and eventually he looked away. She felt him brush the back of his hand down her bare arm. It last only a second, just a whisper on her skin, meant to bring comfort. He didn't linger.

But oh, how she wanted him to linger. She contemplated reaching over and grabbing his hand, but she knew it wasn't right. She wanted him, but she couldn't just give in. Sending mixed signals would only confuse them both further; they needed to build a better foundation before anything deeper was even really considered.

But she did consider, in just a flash, a montage of possible futures behind her eyes and she saw what could be. If she held his hand, if he kissed her, if she let him…if she could get away from her mother, from Forks, if he would come with her…. Bella wanted it, wanted Edward, too much, but she could wait. She would wait, so things would be right. They would move on from this, hopefully together, and resembling their former whole selves.

Bella moved her hand quickly, using one finger to graze the side of his hand, displaying her thanks. She pulled her hand back before she pushed for more. The electricity that pulsed between them was incredible. The hairs on her arm stood on end, as though with static, reaching for Edward. Bella had to get out of there.

When the dishes were washed, she turned to Rose and quietly suggested that they go home. Rose agreed, admitting that her phone didn't have much battery life left, and Renee would most likely be calling in the next few hours. She said her goodbyes to the family as Emmett walked her outside.

Bella said goodbye as well, and Edward helped carry her stuff to the car. Alice had packed a duffel bag of lingerie – though the weight of the bad implied she may have stuffed it with more than just that – and her dress and cardigan were freshly washed.

"Will you come back tonight?"

Bella shook her head.

"Tomorrow?"

"Edward…."

"What? I want to see you as much as I can. Please?"

"Don't you think we need some time apart? To think through things? It seems reasonable." Bella watched a scowl form on his face, making him look like his younger self on the verge of a tantrum.

"It's totally _un_reasonable. We're trying to start over, right? Well, we used to see each other every single day. That's a fact. And we've got to make up for lost time, too, so if you came back in an hour I'd still say it was too much time apart."

Bella scoffed at his thought process, but couldn't suppress the thrill that ran through her as she realized he wanted to see her as much as she did him.

"Fine. Tomorrow. Unless…you want to come to my house? You've never even been there."

Edward blinked in surprise. He never went to Bella's house before because he wasn't allowed. Somehow thinking about being in Renee's home at all, even if she wasn't there, was enough to deter him.

"Well…" he hedged. "How about I pick you up, and we go to the movies? Or go eat. Or bowl. Or what the fuck ever, let's just do something. Alone. You pick."

Bella studied his scruffy jaw. Edward had much denser facial hair than most boys his age. Bella wondered how prickly it would be against her cheek. She made a mental note to find out soon.

"Alright. I'll think about it and figure something out. Afternoon?" Edward nodded. "Text me and let me know when you'll be there. Did you save Rose's number?"

"Sure did. I'll see you tomorrow then."

Bella smiled at the disappointment on his face and before she could stop herself, she found her lips pressed against his cheek. The hair on his face felt good on her soft lips. Rough, but still gentle. She pulled back, flushed with embarrassment, but Edward's moony expression kept her from being too worried over her brazen move. He looked dazedly at her before smiling with his secret smile.

"I'll miss you."

"Edward," Bella admonished as she climbed into Rose's car, where she was waiting.

"It's true. I won't say it if it bothers you, but just know that it's true. Okay?"

"Okay. And…I'll miss you, too."

Edward's smile lit up the grey morning.

Bella shut the door. Rose made a noise, and Bella saw that she looked like the cat that ate the canary.

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

Rose shook her head, seemingly at herself, before executing a sharp u-turn and heading back down the Cullen's long drive. Bella would miss Edward, even if she shouldn't.

"So you and Emmett seem to really be hitting it off."

Rose's wry smile morphed into a nervous one. She shrugged noncommittally.

Bella sighed at Rose's reluctance.

"Rose. Just tell me. You don't need to be embarrassed or worried about what I'll think. Honestly. I just want to be…I want you to know that you can talk to me…like a friend," Bella told her genuinely.

Rose looked at Bella's nearly forlorn expression and felt guilty for not wanting to share the details with Bella.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you about it, Bella. And I think of you as a friend, obviously, it's just…really new…and different, I guess. And with everything going on with you and Edward, I didn't want to rub it in that I had this exciting prospect. I guess I just assumed you wouldn't want to hear about it."

"Of course I want to hear about it! No matter what's going on with Edward. Heck, it might help take my mind off of the Edward situation for a little while. And I'm happy for you, you know? You deserve to have somebody in your life like that, and Emmett is a good guy. I could tell you so many stories about him, though, from when we were kids," Bella responded.

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Hmm…let me think of something really good. Oh! Well, when Emmett was about…I don't fourteen or fifteen, he had a growth spurt. Just, all of a sudden, he was massive. Well, he was really tall and his shoulders were huge, but his waist and hips still seemed pretty tiny, so we dared him to put on a pair of Esme's jeans to see if he fit into them. And, oh man, it was great, they were these really light colored jeans, almost white, and sure enough, he could get them on. Of course, they were insanely short, and a bit tight in the, um, crotch area, but it was great! We took pictures, of course. I would bet that Edward still has them somewhere, for blackmail purposes," Bella told Rose through her laughter.

Rose tried to picture a young, semi-awkward Emmett squeezing into a pair of Esme's petite jeans, and couldn't stop her own laughter. She would definitely have to ask Edward about the evidence.

"And you know Emmett, he was eating it up! Posing and walking like he was a model on a runway…we had a good time growing up."

Rose detected the nostalgic grief in Bella's voice, and got the courage to ask her something that had been on her mind for a while.

"Bella, did you live with your mom before your dad passed away?"

"Not really. She kept me a few days a week, and more in the summer, when I was really small, but later on I just stayed with my dad full-time, or at the Cullen's. She went to…I'm pretty sure she went to rehab, so after that I was able to spend a couple of weekends with her every month. It wasn't much, but she was always really happy to have me stay with her then."

"You don't think she's happy to have you with her now?"

"I know she's not. When my dad died, she and Phil hadn't been together that long, so I really put a crimp in their plans. I think they were going to go off on a long honeymoon, and enjoy the whole new marriage thing, but then they couldn't, because of me."

"You could've stayed with the Cullen's while they were gone, right?"

"Yeah, if Renee had agreed…but she doesn't like them. I don't know why exactly."

"But Phil and Dr. Cullen are friends," Rose pointed out.

"Yeah, they are, but Renee can't stand Esme. From what my dad said, and what I've heard from Esme, too, is that she and Renee were good friends a long time ago. Like, before I was born and everything. I don't know what happened between them, but…Renee really knows how to hold a grudge."

"Hmm. I see."

Rose made a note to try to find out from Esme what happened between her and Renee. She didn't want to push Bella too far, but she was wildly curious.

"So…what'd your mother go to rehab for?"

Bella paused as she looked out the window at the trees passing by. She thought through her words before she spoke.

"Alcohol. You noticed how there isn't a drop in the house?"

Rose racked her brain, thinking back over all of the times she cleaned the entirety of the Dwyer home. The only room she didn't clean was Renee and Phil's bedroom, with their adjoining bathroom.

"You're right. I've never seen any, anywhere." She couldn't help but wonder what was stashed in Renee's room, however. She wanted to know, but she didn't think it wise to sneak around. Knowing Renee, she probably has hidden cameras set up.

Bella was aware that Renee was still using drugs, but she didn't want to tell Rose that. She would rather Rose know that Renee had given up drinking, and maybe she would leave the questioning at that.

Rose could tell that Bella was keeping something from her by the way she drummed her fingers against her knee and didn't look at Rose. While she may accept that Renee doesn't drink anymore, she didn't doubt for a second that Renee was indulging in other things. Renee was far too high-strung to be merely dabbling in a little pot. Rose suspected prescription pills, but had zero evidence to that effect. She wished Bella would give her something, anything, to go off of, but she knew she wouldn't. She didn't know why Bella was so protective over her mother's secrets, especially to her own detriment, but she couldn't force Bella to tell her anything. She would have to wait it out, and gain her trust.

"Well, I do really like Emmett…he's so sweet, and really smart actually. He's only a year younger than me. He, um, he kissed me yesterday," Rose confided. She hoped Bella realized that she was trying.

Bella was relieved at the subject chance, and pretty excited by Rose's admission. She really was happy for her and Emmett. She just hoped that things didn't go sour fast; it might be harder for her to see Edward if Rose is unwilling to go to their house anymore.

"Really? And? How was it?"

"How was it? Um, it was a kiss. Short. Really sweet, and innocent. I've never been kissed like that before."

Bella watched Rose's eyes glaze over, and she knew Rose had temporarily gone somewhere else. Bella didn't know much about Rose's past, but she was able to infer that some things had happened that hurt Rose. She suspected there was an issue with her family, as well, but wasn't sure.

Rose came back to the present. "So, you and Edward have…."

"Kissed? Yeah."

"And?"

"And? That's all. Just once. Well, we kissed a bunch of times, but it was all in one sitting."

"So you've never…had sex?"

Bella blushed and shook her head.

"Are you planning to?"

"Not any time soon." Bella went back to looking out the passenger window, hoping Rose would drop the topic before Bella's face actually burst into flame.

"Oh. I thought maybe you were."

"What made you think that?"

"Well, you have a ten-pound duffel bag in the backseat, and a little birdie told me that it's full of lingerie."

"It's not like that! Alice just gave me a bunch of stuff, I didn't ask for it, I swear! I'm not – I'm not going to have sex, I promise!"

Bella grew extremely flustered, and wanted to dispel Rose's disapproving thoughts as quickly as possible.

"Bella, it's fine! I'm not accusing you of anything. You can wear all the fancy lingerie you want. And…you can have sex, you know. It's nothing to be afraid of. If you and Edward – or anyone – are in love, and committed to each other, there's nothing wrong with showing your love physically. You know that, right? And if you decide you want to, you can talk to me about it. I'll help in whatever way I can, if you need advice or tips or…materials. Whatever."

Bella nodded silently, her face flushed again. She wasn't ready to talk about sex, let alone have it. No matter what happened, she wouldn't let herself jump into a physical relationship like that just to please Edward. She knew that he had a lot of experience, and maybe expectations, but she wasn't going to stoop to sleeping with him to keep him around. She knew that she wasn't that special, but she was pretty sure she was more important than that to him. She wanted to respect herself. And she wanted Edward to respect her.

Rose thankfully parked in front of Bella's home without any more comments. Bella grabbed her stuff and hurried inside. As she lugged the bag up to her room, she called back down to Rose.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yeah."

"Can I keep this lingerie in your room, too? I'd hate for Renee to find out somehow. I'd be in big trouble."

"Of course." Rose smiled warmly up the stairs at Bella. She really hoped that she could make some headway with Bella before Renee got back. She had ideas, but all of them hinged on whether or not Bella trusted her enough.

_-- For Bella: Can I call you? Tomorrow is too far away. -E_

_-- Yes. _

Rose's phone rang barely ten seconds after Bella replied to Edward's text.

"Hello?"

"Bella." Edward sighed at the sound of her voice. It felt like weeks since Bella had left his home, though in reality it had only been seven hours.

"How are you?"

"Incredibly lonely. A little sad. Kinda cold. Someone has my favorite hoodie."

"I'm sorry! I didn't know it was your favorite! I'll wash it and you can get it tomorrow."

"I'm kidding. I want you to keep it."

"I can't keep it. I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"No, keep it. And wear it often. I like you wearing my clothes."

Bella blushed at the sultry tone to Edward's voice. She tried to form a sentence, but struggled.

"Well, I – they're a bit big, but um, yeah. I like…wearing them, too." Bella hoped her confession didn't seem too immature.

"Ah, Bella. You have the most beautiful voice. But, I probably shouldn't say that, should I?" Edward grinned cheekily as he leaned back against his headboard. He wanted to know where Bella was sitting, what she was wearing, and if she had a smile on her face as well. But he couldn't ask.

"No, you probably shouldn't. But thank you. You have a beautiful voice, too." Edward scoffed. "Oh, you know you do. Speaking and singing. I always loved to hear you sing."

"Maybe I'll sing for you soon. In fact…if you snuck out tonight and met me, I'd sing to you for hours. Whatever you wanted to hear."

"Edward…I can't do that. We're going to see each other tomorrow, anyway. You can wait."

Edward could wait, but he really didn't want to. He'd already envisioned seeing his Bella under the moonlight, watching her skin reflect the stars…though he wouldn't be able to adore her like he wanted to. It was too early. She wouldn't let him. Yet.

"I know. You're right. So what'd you do today?"

"Laundry and homework. Thrilling Saturday, huh?"

"Definitely." Edward couldn't help the slight pang of rejection he felt. Would Bella actually rather do laundry than hang out with him? He knew he hurt her, badly, but it was still hard to know that she didn't want him like he wanted her.

"So your birthday is coming up soon. What are you going to do for the big one-eight?"

"Whatever you want to do. I just want to spend time with you."

"That's not an answer. What do _you_ want to do? I'll be there, just tell me when and where."

"Will you? Be there?"

"Of course. I…I'm sorry I missed your birthday last year." Edward knew that she meant it. Bella couldn't fake that level of regret.

"I know, it was, um…weird. That was the first birthday that you weren't there for…or at least as far back as I can remember. It was hard, actually."

He didn't want to sound so vulnerable, but he knew he needed to be truthful with her. His seventeenth birthday was one of the worst days of his life. It was the first time he raided his parents' medicine cabinet. He wanted to feel better – he wanted to feel nothing.

"I'm sorry. I…thought about you, all day. I felt so terrible. I begged Renee to let me go, but she said I had other things to do. I ended up reading over a speech Phil was going to be giving at some event. Supposedly, that was why I couldn't even go see you for a few minutes. Because that was clearly more fucking important."

Bella gritted her teeth against the rest of her rant. She wanted to go off, she wanted to vent her frustrations over that day. She couldn't remember ever feeling as angry with her mother as she did that day. She knew she acted like a toddler when she threw a fit, but she couldn't help it. After being yanked out of Forks High and forbidden to go to the Cullen's anymore, compounded over several weeks, it all just got to be too much. That day she wanted to strangle Renee.

"I know it's not your fault, Bella. I wish you'd been there, but I know you tried. I appreciate that. It was a pretty shitty day, but hey…I lived, right? And now you and I can celebrate my eighteenth. What should we do…buy cigarettes? Get a tattoo? A piercing?"

"Pshh. I won't be eighteen. But if you want to do any of those things, I will accompany you. Even to buy cigarettes." Edward laughed.

"Maybe I should get my nipples pierced…." Edward trailed off, curious as to what Bella's reaction would be.

"Oh, uh – haha," Bella laughed, but her voice was strained. She imagined Edward's naked chest again, dripping with water, but with pierced nipples…she was shocked at how erotic the image was. She tried to sound normal, but her pulse was racing and she was having trouble calming down.

"Bella? You okay over there?" If Edward didn't know any better, he'd think Bella had gotten herself a little flustered. He didn't want to laugh at her reaction, but he was enjoying it immensely.

"Yeah, fine, fine. Just thinking…that would really hurt, I bet."

"What? Getting my nipples pierced? Yeah, but it'd be worth it."

"How so?"

"Watching you blush when I got it done would be worth the pain."

Edward bit his lip in anticipation of Bella's response. He hoped he wasn't pushing the flirting too far.

"What? I wouldn't – why would I – it's not like…I wouldn't blush."

"Well, I guess we'll find out."

"No! You shouldn't get your nipples pierced! Why would you even want that?" Bella sincerely hoped she wouldn't have to endure the torture that would be watching Edward, shirtless, clenching his muscles as a needle pierced his skin. She knew she wasn't strong enough for that. She didn't even like piercings on guys, typically, but the thought Edward planted in her mind was alarmingly sexy. She needed to calm down.

"Nah, I'm kidding. I don't think I'll do that. At least, not on my birthday. I don't know…we could go cliff diving again? It should be a little warmer that day. Mom will probably have something at the house in the evening. We could go down to First Beach, hang out, jump a few times, head back, eat cake…watch movies, walk through the woods, catch fireflies, I don't care. As long as you're there, it will be a perfect birthday."

"Will you invite anyone from school?"

"I don't have any friends at school, Bella."

"None? What about Ben? I haven't talked to Angela in a long time, but I always liked them."

"They're nice, but…I'm not really friends with them. Honestly, I rarely talked to anyone there. Except Jane."

"Jane? Jane…" Bella tried to remember someone named Jane from school, but came up blank.

"Oh, you wouldn't have met her. She just started this year. Jane Moretti. She um…she was my…supplier, you could say."

"She was your dealer?"

"Yeah. But we weren't really friends, obviously. I have no desire to see any of those Forks High pricks this summer. I'm through with them. I wish I didn't have to go back for senior year."

"You say that, but…you'd miss it. And the pricks. I miss it. Even the biggest bitches I can think of hold a special place in my heart because I can't go there."

"Well…you may be right, I might miss it, but…at this point…I'm burning so many bridges, senior year may be even more torturous than this year was."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I mean, I told you that I…slept around, or whatever. And…now…I just haven't talked to or really seen a single one of those sluts, and I'm not going to. I just think there's gonna be some consequences."

"You know…if you call those girls sluts, then you should call yourself one. You were pretty easy yourself, right, Cullen?"

Bella let out a small laugh, but Edward knew she wasn't joking. He was glad she wasn't pulling punches, but it didn't make it any easier to hear what she really thought of him now.

"You're right. I deserve that. And worse."

The couple sat in silence for a moment before Edward cleared his throat.

"Bella…do you…do you ever think that, down the road, when we've worked through all this shit, that you might ever want me…like you did?"

Bella sat frozen on her bed, counting the seconds passing as she played Edward's question through her mind again. He sounded so…hopeless. She didn't mean to hurt his feelings by calling him out on his hypocrisy, but it was true. And she wouldn't back down from that. But to hear him ask her if she would ever want him again…like she ever actually _stopped_ wanting him…was difficult.

"Edward, I…I don't want to…get your hopes up – prematurely, I mean – but…to be honest…'cause that's what we're doing here…I don't know that you could do anything to make me not want you…like that."

"Really?" Edward asked breathlessly, nearly drunk on victory.

"Yes, really." Bella wouldn't regret telling him that. Even if logic said it was too soon, she would never regret being able to hear the joy in his voice.

"I know it's still early on, and like you said, premature, but…if you want to stay just friends forever, I'll do it, but Bella, always know that I want you, too. Every minute of every day, I want you."

Bella's eyes stung at the emotion Edward put into his words. She nodded, then realized he couldn't see her, and merely whispered, "Okay."

"How early is too early to come get you tomorrow?"

"I don't think there is a 'too early'. Whatever time you want."

Bella took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. She was getting caught up in the romantic whirlwind of the moment, spurred on undoubtedly by the fact that she laid on her bed in the dark talking to him. It was a clichéd moment, a teen-thing, and she was about to say things she didn't mean to say to him yet.

"I'll be there at noon. I have to run a quick errand first."

"All right. I guess I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, though."

"Yes. Tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Bella."

"You too, Edward. G'night."

Bella hung up the phone and held it against her chest as she stared at her ceiling. It felt so good to talk to Edward again, and she ached for a moment, wishing she had stayed over there again tonight. She shook her head to clear it of her schoolgirl fantasies and got up to take the phone back to Rose.

"Sorry I used your phone for so long. Edward called…."

"It's okay, Bella. You're welcome to use it. If I need to make a call, I can use the house phone."

"Yeah, but Renee will check the bill. If you call the Cullen's, she'll know," Bella said in a slightly panicked voice.

"I know. If I needed to call Emmett or anything, I would just ask you for the phone back. Don't worry, I've got things under control," Rose replied, turning from her spot on the couch to look at Bella. "You wanna watch TV with me for a little while?"

"Sure." Bella plopped down on the opposite end, and Rose propped her feet up in Bella's lap. It wasn't exactly cuddling, but the closeness still felt nice. She really enjoyed moments like this.

About thirty minutes into the program, Bella caught Rose examining her.

"You look happy."

Bella couldn't help but smile. "I am."

Edward pulled into the unfamiliar driveway, excited beyond belief to see Bella. He looked at the small bag in the passenger seat and smiled. He knew that Bella would put up a fuss when she saw what he got her, but he wouldn't allow her to give it back. She needed it, and he was able to provide it. Win-win.

Edward put the car in park and opened his door. He was nearing the front door of the Dwyer's house when he heard Bella call his name. He turned and saw her come around the side of the house.

"Hey! Is this the wrong door to come to?"

"Nah, I just use the door off of the kitchen. I saw you pull up, so I wanted to save you the trouble of getting out, but I wasn't fast enough. How are you?"

Bella's glowing brown-orange eyes momentarily entranced Edward, as well as the luminescent skin revealed by her tank top. He wanted to suck on her collarbone, but thought better of it. He smiled and walked towards her, not hesitating to pull her in for a hug. He was still riding high on her declaration last night.

"Great. How 'bout you?"

"I'm great as well." Bella's voice was muffled by Edward's shoulder, but he didn't pull away. Bella couldn't stop her hands from trailing up Edward's spine and then down the muscles she felt there.

Edward sighed quietly before pulling back and looking at her with soft eyes.

"I have something for you," Edward said slowly.

"Edward…." Bella said in a scolding tone.

"And don't argue. You need it. And it was no problem to get it for you. And not expensive," Edward stated cryptically. "Please, say you'll accept it."

"I most certainly will not say that! I need to see it first."

Edward walked back to his car and opened the passenger door for Bella. He reached in and picked up the plastic bag, then deposited in her lap when she sat down. He got into the driver's seat and turned to watch her pull the box out. As soon as she saw the picture on the box, she started shaking her head.

"No, no, no. Absolutely not. Nuh-uh. Not keeping it, take it back," Bella said determinedly while putting the box back into the bag without looking at it further.

"Bella, just hear me out," Edward began as she continued to shake her head. "Listen. It only cost ten dollars a month to add another line onto our phone plan, and I got that phone for free by doing it. Also, I didn't get you anything 'fancy,' no email, no Facebook, no nothing on it, so it's just a plain old phone so that I can call and text you for free without having to worry about Renee finding out. It honestly took me all of fifteen minutes and cost next to nothing, and I've already got it charged up for you, see?"

Edward smiled angelically as he pulled the small flip phone from a cubby under his CD player. He held it out to her, and Bella had to admit that it didn't look special at all. It looked like a pretty durable phone. She took it from him and flipped it open, and laughed loudly.

Edward had put a picture of himself flexing as the wallpaper. He hoped that if she were irritated with him over getting her the phone, at least the funny photo would help lighten her up. She kept laughing as she flipped it closed and looked at him. He smiled wider at her and waited.

"Fine! Fine. I'll keep it. And…thank you. I really could use this. So we talk for free, right? And I'll give you the ten dollars every month. That's the deal."

"No, I'll pay. Let me pay. It can be your birthday present to me."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"All right. You can pay the ten dollars then. But you'll use it, right?"

"Of course. I have all those other boys to call…."

Edward made a growling noise. "You'll call me, right?"

"Yes, I'll call you. So, what are we doing today? Movie?"

"Yeah, I was thinking we could go to a movie, then go eat. Then we can head back to my house if you want. Or…your house. I might as well see the inside of it, too." Edward still felt unnerved by thought of being in Renee's house, but if Bella would feel more comfortable there, he could endure. And they would have more privacy, too.

"Yeah, maybe we'll come back here. I don't know, I'll think about it."

Edward drove out to Port Angeles for the movie. Bella surprised Edward by picking a zombie movie to watch. She shrugged and said she was in the mood for some gore. He raised an eyebrow and laughed, but didn't question her.

Partway through the movie, after they had finished off a box of Junior Mints, Edward noticed Bella's arm draped over the armrest. As soon as he saw her unoccupied hand, he couldn't stop thinking about reaching over to hold it. He tried to deny the impulse for as long as he could, but just when he felt like he may pop from his restraint, he saw her hand move slowly towards his.

He looked up at Bella and saw that she was watching him out of the corner of her eye. He smiled and moved his hand towards hers until their fingers brushed. He laced his fingers through hers, and the feeling of her palm pressed against his was almost orgasmic. He was amazed at the electricity that still sparked between them after all the years of being friends. Touching her was a favorite pastime of his.

Edward could barely focus on the rest of the movie as he tried to tamp down his excitement over holding Bella's hand. When the credits finally rolled, he didn't want to let go. Fortunately, neither did Bella, so they strolled hand in hand out of the theater until they found a restaurant to eat at. When they were seated, they had to let go, reluctantly.

Lunch was pleasant. The atmosphere was relaxed, and they both talked mindlessly about schoolwork and books and movies. By the time they finished eating, Edward was ready to get back to Forks and face the Dwyer home. Bella agreed and called Rose on her new cell phone to let her know they'd be there shortly. Renee had called Bella that morning, so Bella wasn't expecting any calls from her that evening. She would have to start forwarding the home phone to her number when she went out from now on. Rose said that she might call Emmett and see if he wanted to come over later, too, if it was okay with Bella.

"Emmett's probably gonna show up later. Is that all right?"

"Sure. As long as we get a little time to ourselves. I don't know if I can stand watching he and Rose make goo-goo eyes at each other all night," Edward explained.

Bella laughed loudly, admitting that Rose and Emmett did look pretty lovesick. Edward reached over and grabbed her hand across the console of the car. Bella smiled as she gazed out the window and gave Edward's hand a squeeze. When they arrived at Bella's house, Edward looked over the exterior furtively.

"How about I give you a tour of the inside, and then we can walk around the property for a while. There's actually quite a bit of land here, it's pretty cool. And it's barely raining now, so we should be fine."

Edward nodded in agreement and they walked towards the kitchen door that Bella exited from earlier. Upon entering, he was immediately assaulted with the smell of food being prepared.

"Shit, that smells good. Whatcha makin'?" he asked Rose as she stood over a large pot on the stove.

"Homemade chili. It just started cooking, and it's got to simmer for an hour and a half, and then it's perfect. There'll be plenty, even with Emmett eating, too."

"Thanks, Rose. I'm going to show Edward around then we're gonna walk around outside for a while. Okay?" Rose nodded before raising her eyebrows at Bella before leaving the room.

"So this is obviously the kitchen. I do most of my homework in here," Bella said as she touched her hand to the small table in the room. "And through here is the dining room. We don't really ever use it, though. And here's the living room."

Edward stepped into a large, open room, filled with overstuffed furniture, and a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall. A fireplace set at the west end of the room, but looked like it wasn't ever used. He had to admit the room screamed 'comfort,' especially in Renee's absence.

Bella continued down the hall, pointing out the bathroom and the study. She led him upstairs, ushering him past the shut door of the master bedroom, down to her room. He walked in and looked around, firstly noticing that the room didn't seem familiar to him at all. Her bed was small, covered with a purple comforter that he couldn't imagine Bella picking out. She had a laptop sitting on a clean desk, and bookshelves lining the walls. The books were the only things that tied Bella to the space at all, and the excessive neatness of the room seemed odd. He nodded and backed out of the room, not wanting to stay so close to Bella's bed for too long. He couldn't allow his mind to go down that road just yet.

"It's nice. You ready to go outside?" Bella nodded and grabbed his hoodie from the back of her door and slipped it on. He smiled at her and reached down to zip it up for her. He heard her take a breath as his hand neared her chest, but he stopped before he got any closer. The temptation was already strong enough.

The pair headed outside, hand in hand, and strolled along the perimeter of the yard. He pushed her on the swing Bella usually neglected, and then they walked into the slightly more dense area of trees at the end of the property. They walked slowly, enjoying the other's company and the feel of their hands fused together, before realizing it was getting dark.

"You getting hungry?"

"I'm not starving, but I am definitely going to try some of Rose's chili. That smelled so good," Edward answered, licking his lips. Bella was momentarily transfixed before she snapped out of it.

"Yeah, she's a really good cook."

They approached the house and saw Emmett's car in the driveway. Upon entering, they heard his boisterous laugh echoing through the rooms. Rose and Emmett were sitting on the couch, watching "The 40-Year Old Virgin," and eating their chili. Bella and Edward each ate a bowl themselves at the kitchen table before joining them. The pair squished together in an oversized chair, with Bella practically on Edward's lap. Her entire body heated up with his nearness, but she wasn't about to move.

Edward had a hard time keeping himself in check as he felt the curve of Bella's ass against his thigh, her arm pressed against his torso. His right arm was behind her and he couldn't resist twirling strands of her hair in his fingers. Bella didn't make any forward movements towards him, but she didn't pull away either. After what seemed like an unending half-hour, he hesitantly reached his left hand around and grazed her waist with his fingertips. Bella had removed his hoodie already and he saw goose bumps appear on her skin. He traced small circles on the outside of her shirt, careful not to go too low on her hip or too high up her ribcage. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear,

"Is this okay?"

Bella turned her head before Edward was able to move away, and his nose grazed her cheek. He told himself to pull back, not to pressure her, but his body refused to comply. He stayed there, and then his nose nuzzled her soft skin from her cheek to her ear, unable to stop once he started.

"It's okay." Bella's voice was so low and breathy Edward almost didn't hear her. She turned her face back to the television slowly, regretfully, but Edward's nose didn't get the memo. He traced her jaw line and back to her jugular, before placing the lightest kiss imaginable there. He didn't want to push his luck, so he finally sat back, unable to relax, and desperate to get close to her again.

Bella stayed tense for a few moments, her mind running through her options quickly. The feel of Edward nuzzling her skin was faint inducing. Her breath was shallow and her pulse raced and she could've died right then and been happy. He was timid in his caresses, which she appreciated, but they were enough to drive her crazy. She longed to turn and kiss him hard on the mouth, but she knew it wasn't a good idea, not to mention that Rose and Emmett were sitting barely five feet away. After Edward moved away from her, Bella realized the ball was in her court.

After taking a deep breath, she leaned back and twisted slightly, so she was facing Edward more. Without looking him in the eye, she lowered her shoulder until it was tucked firmly under his, and lightly draped her arm over his stomach. After she was settled, she looked up to see him watching her, and the green of his eyes looked lit with honey and sunshine. His eyes were bright, excited, and she couldn't deny her own excitement. They sat like that until the movie ended, and partway through the movie that came on right after it, until Emmett announced that he and Rose were going to go "hang out" in her room.

As soon as the pair left the room, Edward shifted and turned towards Bella until her arm was wrapped firmly around his back, and their chests were touching. Edward's legs parted and he covered Bella's with his. Bella was cocooned in Edward and as her mind told her it was too fast, her body, and her heart, said it was just right. They stared at each other in silence for a long time before Edward finally slowly brought his face to hers.

"Bella," he breathed. "Tell me to stop."

Bella didn't say anything, and Edward's lips met hers. His mouth traversed the expanse of her plump pout before moving to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, and eventually her neck. Bella was intoxicated as Edward's lips worshipped every inch of her face and throat. She couldn't think of anything but Edward and his body, his scent and warmth and being. She was too far-gone to stop him, and she didn't want to. She was shocked at how aroused she was, and she could feel Edward's mutual arousal against her thigh.

She brought her face down to lure his lips back to hers and she kissed him with a fervor she didn't know she possessed. Her tongue tangled with his until it dominated his and she moaned at his taste. Eventually the kisses trailed off to soft pecks, and Bella couldn't stop the gigantic smile from spreading across her face. Edward's smile mirrored her own, and before she knew it, they both giggled like little children.

"As much as I want to stay right here, like this, with you, I have to get up, or I may do something we'll regret," Edward told her honestly. She nodded, and extricated herself from the cage of his body. Edward stood and adjusted his pants, and Bella blushed.

"That was…I'm glad you stopped."

Edward's face fell and when Bella realized what she'd said, she grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her.

"No, that's not what I meant. I just mean…I'm not ready to go farther yet. But that was…that was perfect, Edward. I won't regret that. Not for a second."

Edward let out a sigh of relief, and leaned in to kiss her softly. The feel of her against him was enough to take his breath away, and he had to fight himself from pushing her down on the couch and lying atop her.

"You'll be the death of me, I swear," he whispered into her hair as he held her to his chest.

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**So, so? What'd ya think?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, world! Here's another chapter for you -- a long one, too! The news is that Bitter Edge was reveiwed on TwiFic Promotions, a new blog helping spread the word about fics, so check it out http:// twi-ficpromotions (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**I also have a beautiful banner for BE, the link is posted on my profile page if you would like to see it.**

**A big thanks to my betas, Zombies Run This Town and imahappymess**.

**Song referenced later with Edward's birthday gift is Arcade Fire – "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)"**

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The next two weeks passed in a blur. Edward was wrapped up in all things Bella: spending time with her, touching her, kissing her, loving her, letting her know that she was wanted. He felt full when she was near, and he hoped desperately that he brought her the same kind of fulfillment. He began spending several afternoons alone with her at first, before sharing her with his family at night. After the first week, it didn't feel like enough. He began meeting her for breakfast in the Dwyer kitchen, and watching her do her schoolwork. He listened to her assure Renee that everything was fine, and he watched Rose dote on Bella with care and affection.

He could see that in the few short weeks since their reunion that Bella was looking healthier. Her face had filled back out some, and her cheeks kept a radiant glow. Her clothes fit her better and she seemed to sparkle with what he presumed to be a little confidence.

He hadn't kissed her as deeply since the night of the movie, but he was satisfied with their innocent, close-mouthed kisses. He held her hand as often as she would let him, and constantly touched her shoulder or her hair. Edward was aware that Bella didn't want to show too much affection in front of Rose, or his family, so he tried to keep his hands to himself. His eyes, however, tarried on her at all times. He knew that his mother was happy that Bella was forgiving him, but she probably wouldn't be too keen on him moving in with Bella, which is what he'd truly like to do with his summer. He would camp in her yard if she allowed it.

With each day he grew to love her more – which he didn't think possible – and long for more intensely than he expected. He was patient, and careful with her, but in the safety of his darkened room at night, he couldn't stop his mind from running wild. He hoped that one day she would trust him enough to allow him to really touch her, and show her how much he adored her. Most nights his body ached with the thought of being inside of her eventually. He felt like a heartsick fool, suddenly seeing beauty in everything around him and wanting to write flowery poetry, or perhaps songs for Bella. And as much as Emmett teased him for becoming whipped, he couldn't find it in himself to care. As long as Bella would have him, he would be hers, completely.

His birthday was in a few short days, and the plan thus far was to cliff-dive with Bella, Emmett, and Rose, and then join the rest of the family that evening for the traditional dinner/cake/present thing. Bella and Rose already agreed to stay the night again; even though Edward wasn't expecting anything to progress between them that night, he was positively giddy over seeing Bella in her pajamas the next morning, all rumpled and bed-headed.

Edward was sitting in his room, already changed out of his clothes, listening to music when his phone chimed. The familiar ringtone caught his attention immediately as he snatched it up to answer.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" Edward had only taken Bella home an hour prior.

"Yeah. It's fine."

"What's up?"

Bella sighed loudly and paused. Edward waited, a little unnerved, but sure that it wasn't anything too serious.

"Rose is being kinda…mom-like."

"Mom-like as in parental, or mom-like as in…like Renee?" Edward prayed it wasn't the latter.

"Oh, just parental. God, she's nothing like Renee."

"Good. Then what's going on?"

"Well after you left, she talked to me about having you in my room. She didn't say I wasn't allowed to have you in there, but that it 'wasn't a good idea' and suggested that we stay in the living room from now on. And she mentioned…a curfew."

"Curfew? For what? You're always with me, doesn't she trust me?"

"Apparently no matter how much she likes you, you are still a teenage boy. She said it would be best that I'm always home by 11, which, if you think about it, is a little silly. I mean, it's summer, and I'm almost eighteen. I tried not to pout too much, but…I may have failed."

Edward laughed as he tried to picture Bella stomping her foot and shouting, before running up to her room and slamming the door. He was sure she didn't do those things, but he loved to imagine it. His laughter died down as Bella's soft voice came through the phone.

"Is it ridiculous to say that I miss you? Even after being with you almost all day…I wish you were with me. Or I was with you. Anywhere."

"Anywhere?"

"Anywhere at all."

"Bella…I'm feeling a little…sneaky tonight." Edward smirked as he walked back over to his discarded jeans, and began to put them back on.

"What do you mean…sneaky?"

"Well, technically, I too have a curfew…and it's in fifteen minutes. And if you miss me like you say you do, I was thinking I could…sneak out? Come see you? If you can get out, I'll meet you at the edge of your property, at the tree line."

"Edward! No, we can't do that!"

"Why not? We're young. We're supposed to be rebellious, right? Fuck authority and all that…whad'ya say?"

"Edward…." Bella trailed off, but her reply did not sound like a protest.

"Bella…."

"I don't know if I can even sneak out."

"Is Rose in bed?"

"She's in her room. Hold on," Bella said as she sat the phone down on her bed and crept towards her door. She listened intently before picking her phone back up and whispering. "She's on the phone with someone. Emmett maybe?"

"I'll check."

Edward stealthily crept down his hallway, and sure enough, he heard the telltale signs of Emmett on the phone. Edward darted back to his room, feeling a bit carefree and excited. "Yep, he's talking to her. You can do it. Use the kitchen door, it's pretty far from her room. And dress warmly, it's pretty cold out."

"I don't know. What if she catches me?"

"What if she does? No big deal."

"She might not let me go with you on your birthday!"

"You won't get caught, and if you do, I'm sure you can talk your way out of it. Come on. Let's do it, Bella. Let's be reckless for a little while."

"Reckless. I can be reckless. Right?"

"Fuck yeah! Come on, say it. Say, 'I'm reckless. Goddamn it.'"

"I'm reckless!"

"Goddamn it!"

"Goddamn it," Bella said quietly.

Edward just laughed at his girl and told her he'd be there in ten minutes. Edward wasn't too concerned with getting caught, but he still moved quietly through his home, and walked right out the front door, clutching his keys to keep them from jingling.

At the Dwyer home, Bella slipped her shoes back on before snagging Edward's hoodie and creeping down the hall. She decided to have him wear it soon so that when he gave it back to her, it would smell like him. Bella couldn't believe she was doing something so crazy as to sneak out in the middle of the night to meet a boy. But it was Edward…and he wasn't just a boy. She…she fucking loved him. And she missed him and needed him. She wanted him to kiss her like he did two weeks ago. She was determined to feel him pressed against her, even if it was some clandestine meeting in the woods.

Especially if was clandestine, actually.

She and Edward hadn't shared any more heated kisses since movie night, but the urges Bella felt were almost too much to bear at times. She tried to fall asleep at night while images of him flashed through her mind: Edward half-naked, Edward fully naked, Edward undressing her, Edward looking at her with darkened eyes. She wasn't ready to have sex with him, but darn it, she needed something. Her teenage libido was knocking, and Bella wanted to answer it. She had little experience, but she wasn't totally naïve. She knew what she wanted, though she was hesitant to try to get it. She hoped Edward would be able to lead…and have the willpower to stop before things went too far. He was working hard to prove himself to her, and gain her trust back, so she decided to have a little faith in him.

Sneaking down to the kitchen and out the door was easier than she expected. She realized between her canvas slip-ons and the carpeted floors, her steps were muted. The door to the outside didn't creak, so she carefully latched it back before taking off across the yard. Immediately she thought it was a bad idea to run in the middle of the yard where she could be easily spotted, so she veered off to the side. Once she reached the nearest tree line, she followed it down to the edge of the property, far from the house, but near enough that Edward wouldn't have to search very far.

Bella stood at the edge of the forest, and she noticed the night sky was clear. Stars littered the expanse and the moon was almost full. She could see easily, and a sudden movement in her peripheral startled her. She turned and gasped, even though she was expecting him.

"Hey, beautiful." Edward swiftly approached her and enveloped her in a hug. He kept his arms around her as he walked her backwards into the cover of the trees. Bella was struck suddenly by her own desires, magnified by his closeness and the thrill of sneaking out. She grabbed his face and kissed him with enthusiasm and he bent to her will. He moaned as her tongue snaked into his mouth, tasting the mint of his toothpaste and driving her wild. She couldn't control her hands as they traveled the breadth of his shoulders and slid down to his waist. Edward had all but gathered Bella into himself as he reciprocated her feverish kisses.

She pulled away to catch her breath, but gripped him tighter and pressed her lips to his throat, just under his jaw. She could feel his racing heartbeat against her mouth and in a moment of feral desire, licked the pulse point. Edward shuddered against her, clutching her tighter and desperately trying to suppress his groaning.

"Shit, Bella…what're you…what's gotten…oh, God." Bella smiled against his throat as she realized she was driving him crazy.

"I don't know, I just…want you," Bella explained. She looked up to catch the surprise on his face. "I mean…I'm not ready for…that, but I just need you closer to me. I need you, Edward."

The breathy way she said his name was almost his undoing. He was painfully turned on, and as Bella pressed her hips against him, he was unable to stop himself from reaching down and palming her ass. He squeezed the fleshy skin there and lifted. Bella immediately complied and wrapped her legs around his waist, gasping at the sensation of him between her thighs. She'd never felt so aroused or desired before; she felt exhilarated and sexy and hungry. She attacked Edward's mouth once more as he pressed her gently against the base of a tree. The rough bark didn't bother her through the sweatshirt she wore, and she was thankful for the leverage.

Bella wasn't entirely sure what to do with her body in the situation, but her hips seemed to be on autopilot. She didn't have to tell them to rhythmically grind against Edward, seeking friction – they just did. Bella had to pull away from Edward's glorious mouth once more and tried to breath, but she could only gasp. Edward set a nice pace with his pelvis, thrusting in time with hers. He didn't want to come right there in his jeans, in the woods, with Bella against a tree, but he could tell that he was moving into dangerous territory.

He tried to slow his grinding and Bella seemed okay with pausing. Eventually he just held her tight to his waist, her back still pressed against the tree, her hair wild and tangled in the bark. They looked at each other under the moonlit canopy, the wind shaking the leaves enough to cast moving shadows on their faces. Bella had a moment of guilt over her debauchery, but her body was still aching for a release of some kind. She knew it wouldn't be right to steal another base tonight, while she was hiding out in the forest, but a part of her wanted to. She watched Edward watching her.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking that…you are so fucking sexy, it's unbelievable. And I know you're not ready yet, and I would never pressure you, but…I hope that one day, if you stay with me, we might be able to go a bit farther…" Edward trailed off. He wanted to be honest with her, but didn't want to frighten her. He knew Bella had little experience with boys, which he was thankful for, but he didn't want to overwhelm her with his lustful inclinations.

"I know…I hope to do that one day, as well."

Edward looked surprised at her admission, and Bella blushed. It was easy to say things to him in the dark, but it still embarrassed her to admit her carnal longings.

"Don't ever doubt that I want you, too."

Edward nodded and leaned in to kiss her gently. His dick was throbbing painfully, and he knew he'd have to take care of it as soon as he got home. He sighed and examined Bella's face. Her lips were swollen and her clothes a bit disheveled, but all in all, she looked innocent still.

"You should probably get back inside. I think we were reckless enough for one night. But…if you ever wanna meet like this again…you won't have to ask twice." Edward smirked at her and she nodded. He finally let her down to stand on her own feet, and he led her to the tree line.

Their goodbye was silent, bittersweet, and full of promise.

Bella crept back into the house, pausing to listen for Rose. She could hear Rose laughing and assumed she was still on the phone. She tiptoed through the kitchen and up the stairs, making it to her room quickly. She slipped off her shoes and turned to go to the bathroom. While she was brushing her teeth, she heard Rose's door open. Bella glanced at her reflection and saw that she had debris in her hair from the tree she was pressed against. In a moment of desperation, she pulled the hood on her sweatshirt up and covered her head, noting that she looked like a crazy person. Rose stopped at the doorway and watched Bella.

"You miss Edward?"

Bella felt a spike in her nerves and wondered if this was a trap.

She nodded, and met Rose's eyes in the mirror for just a moment.

"I figured. You wear that hoodie around whenever you're missing him. It's become like a security blanket, hasn't it?"

Bella finished brushing her teeth while silently breathing a sigh of relief. Rose thought Bella's romantic/melodramatic leanings were the cause for wearing Edward's sweatshirt.

"Yeah, it is kinda. I know it's silly," Bella said, blushing and looking down.

"No, it's not silly. I understand. And…I just want to say, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being harsh with you earlier. I trust you…and Edward. I just don't want you to make any mistakes, I guess. I'd hate for something to happen to you that you can't fix."

Bella knew from Rose's cryptic explanation that she feared Bella would get pregnant. That would, indeed, be a terrible mess. Bella couldn't let that happen, no matter how much she wanted Edward. Renee would probably murder her. Bella did feel guilty that Rose spoke of trusting her, when she just deliberately disobeyed her, but she tried to push that aside. The pair said their goodnights, and Bella headed back into her room. She changed and crawled under her covers, her skin still tingling when she thought of Edward pressed up against her, moaning and touching her. She shivered.

Bella had a brief moment of uncertainty – was she going too far? Was it wrong to do what they'd done? Would he still want her? Was she becoming a different person, like one of the slutty girls at Forks High? She tried to squash the insecurities before they took root, but she was beginning to really doubt herself.

_Maybe I shouldn't have pushed him like that. I probably looked like an idiot. I don't know what I'm doing, and if I'm not careful, I'll just be another notch on his bedpost._

Bella admonished herself for thinking of Edward that way, but it was hard not to. She knew he was trying so hard, and that he wanted to change, and be honest and open with her. But the doubt crept in, settling beneath the surface and pecking away slowly at its surroundings. Just as Bella's panic began to rise, she heard her phone beep. She rolled over and grabbed it, a smile spreading across her face as she read the messages. Edward always knew just what to say.

_-- You know you're more than just a midnight make-out session to me, right? I care about you more than you know._

_-- I can't wait to see you again. Just to hold your hand and talk to you is better than any fantasy. With love, E._

_-- PS. Your skin glows in the moonlight. Your beauty is the kind to inspire men to paint pictures and write sonnets. You're lovely._

Bella couldn't stop smiling as she sent a short reply.

_-- Come over as soon as you can in the morning. _

Edward smiled to himself as he read Bella's text. He climbed down under the covers on his bed and almost immediately began stroking himself as he thought of the way Bella licked his throat. He was so surprised when she did that, it took all of his restraint to keep from groping her shamelessly. Images of the way Bella looked under moonlight and the way she felt with her legs wrapped around him flashed through his mind and he came hard and fast. He was so worked up from Bella that it didn't take much.

Edward was way past feeling guilty for jerking off to thoughts of Bella. It had become a necessity every morning before he saw her and every night when he returned home. He was positive she had no idea of the appeal she held for him which only amped up his desire for her; she had no idea she was a knockout. He tried his best to control himself and never, ever push her physically, but in the heat of the moment, sometimes it was hard to talk himself down. He was looking forward to his birthday. He was turning eighteen – a man, officially – and would hopefully be seeing Bella in a swimsuit. He also had to admit he liked the attention from his family, and coupled with Bella and Rose joining them, he would probably get plenty of it.

Edward had no idea what Bella was going to get him for his birthday, but he didn't care – showing up would be present enough. Well, and maybe if she allowed him to hold her in the ocean when less clothes were occupying their bodies.

When Edward saw Bella that next morning, she blushed immediately. Neither of them spoke of their rendezvous from the night before, but the secretive looks they snuck all day in front of Rose were knowing. Bella couldn't help but bite her lip as she watched Edward's hands move fluidly to run through his hair. She admired the stubble on his jaw and the way his adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. She had it bad.

"What's this for?" Edward picked up his hoodie that was draped over the back of the couch. "You're not trying to give it back, are you?"

Bella thought she detected a hint of hurt in his tone.

"Of course not! I was hoping that, um, you would wear it around today, and then give it back to me?" Bella sounded so uncertain, and Edward couldn't figure out why such a request would cause her to blush so deeply.

"Uh, sure. If you want. Why?"

Bella glanced up at him with a shy smile. "Because then it would smell like you."

Edward felt a surge go through him. He wanted to grab her and claim her, and rub his scent all over her like an animal. Rose was still in the kitchen, so Edward took advantage of the opportunity. He grabbed the back of her neck and his fingers laced through her hair as he crashed his mouth to hers. Bella staggered under the force of his kiss but recovered quickly and wrapped her arms around his neck. Edward's other arm went around her waist and he lifted her slightly, her toes dangling inches from the ground. Bella felt fire lick through her limbs, igniting a burning in her belly that was unexpected, but not unwelcome.

Edward pulled back before he tried to ravage her right there in the living room. He needed to keep himself in check at times like these. Bella could barely catch her breath as they both walked robotically to the couch and plopped down. She picked up the remote and turned the TV on, and flipped through the channels without seeing the. Edward got his wits about him first and pulled the hoodie on, even though he was quite warm at the moment. He smirked at Bella.

"Good, huh?"

Bella wanted to chide him for his arrogant tone, but she couldn't deny his skills. "Oh yeah."

The morning of Edward's birthday was an erratic one. Edward couldn't sleep, so he ended up getting up at seven and enjoying breakfast with his mother alone. She was feeling overly sentimental and kept relaying the events of the day he came to live with them.

"And you were wearing the most adorable blue shirt, and it had those ranger ninja people on it and you wanted to learn karate so that you could fight just like they did on TV," Esme chattered as Edward tried to forget his Power Ranger phase.

"...even when you wouldn't speak, I just knew you were going to be the sweetest little boy -- you had that look about you," Esme's eyes clouded over with tears as she went on to describe how Edward finally came out of his shell when Carlisle brought home a little keyboard for him to play. She was close to pulling out old photo albums before Alice bounded down the stairs and interrupted her.

"Happy birthday, brother! Can I please, please, please go cliff-diving today?"

Alice had been begging to go since she found out the plan, but Esme was adamant that she was too young to jump from a cliff. She wanted to forbid Edward from doing it as well, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop him.

"Alice, you know you can't. You can stay here and help me get everything ready for tonight, okay?" Alice pouted adorably.

"Come on, squirt. Don't you need to make sure this place is all decked out for my birthday dinner? I'd hate for it to look dinky, or cheap…" Edward trailed off, knowing that Alice couldn't resist decorating for a party.

"Well, that's true. And with me in charge this place'll look awesome! I'll make sure Mom doesn't get too gushy."

Esme glared at her daughter but couldn't argue. She had been on the verge of tears since she woke up that morning. She couldn't believe her youngest son was eighteen now. He looked so old and so young at the same time. Sometimes she saw the little boy he once was as she watched him, but at other times she saw the five o'clock shadow coating his jaw and she marveled at how fast time flew by.

She missed the sweet little boy, but his behavior over the past month convinced her that he would, in fact, turn into a good man. She worried so much over him the past year, but he seemed to be turning things around, and trying so hard to be good enough for Bella. She loved Bella like her own daughter, but she feared for her son. If anything happened with Bella, like she thought could happen when Renee returned, she worried Edward wouldn't recover. She bit her tongue against speaking her concerns. She wanted Edward to enjoy his time being in love and not burden him with the plaguing thoughts of their future. Esme worried enough for both of them.

Emmett eventually emerged from his room in time to wolf down a large breakfast and announce that it was time to go. He and Edward both changed into their swim trunks before heading out to the car, loaded down with towels, sunscreen and extra clothes. Rose said she would bring snacks and drinks for them, and would meet them at the beach. Edward wanted to pick Bella up, but he knew the girls would head back to the Dwyer's to clean up before coming over later.

The sky was cloudy, with tiny rain droplets falling sporadically, but it was a warm day. The humidity hung in the air and brought sweat to the back of Edward's neck. A storm was coming later that night, but the afternoon should be perfect for their beach outing. They arrived at La Push before the girls, and walked down to the water to scope out the situation. A few surfers were paddling out, but the waves weren't very big today. About the time that they had settled their belongings on the shore, a female voice rang out from behind them.

"Some help, please!"

Edward turned to see Emmett running towards Rose, who was carrying a large cooler and beach bag, with towels draped around her neck. Bella followed behind lugging a smaller cooler and her own tote, so Edward rushed to grab the cooler from her.

"Thanks," Bella said in appreciated. Edward could smell the sunscreen she already applied and smiled. She probably used SPF 75. Her hair was thrown up in a loose bun, and he could see the thin straps of a swimsuit around her neck under her t-shirt. He forced himself to not get excited at what she may have on under there.

Rose informed the boys of the smattering of drinks, sandwiches and veggies they had filled the coolers with. Rose was aware of how much Emmett could eat, so she packed enough to feed ten. Emmett immediately grabbed Rose and started to lead her up the path to the cliffs, wanting to jump off first thing. Edward asked Bella if she wanted to go ahead and jump or wade in the water first.

"Let's just go out in the water first, so I can get used to it. The jump before was amazing, but it kinda startled me."

Edward nodded and pulled his shirt off quickly. He looked over see Bella turned slightly away from him, blushing already. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Edward saw that she was wearing a two-piece suit, but the top was longer, like a tank top. He was a bit disappointed to not see more of Bella's stomach, but the expanse of shoulders and back revealed made up for it. She put her fingers under the elastic of her small shorts and hesitated.

"Actually, I'll keep these on."

"Really? They'll get kinda heavy when they're wet," Edward explained.

"Yeah, that's okay. I'll wear them for now," Bella said. She felt so exposed already, she did not want to walk around in suit bottoms smaller than some of her underwear. She regretted letting Alice, Rose and Esme talk her into getting this suit when she went shopping with them. The top, thankfully, was modest. She watched Rose and Emmett get smaller as they walked away from them. Emmett grabbed Rose's hand and Bella smiled.

Rose had chosen to wear tiny bikini bottoms with a long sleeve wet-suit top. She looked tough and pretty damn hot, Bella thought. She was jealous of Rose's self-assurance, but tried to not let it show. Bella turned towards the incoming tide and motioned with her head towards it. She and Edward walked slowly to the water and as her feet were covered with the small waves, she shivered a bit.

"It feels so cold compared to the air, doesn't it?"

"It does, but if you just dive in you'll feel better. I promise," Edward told her. She nodded hesitantly and watched as Edward took off and dove headfirst once he reached deeper water. She waited until he emerged and watched as he pushed his hair back from his forehead. Bella reluctantly moved into deeper water and dropped being the surface. Admittedly, when she came back up, she didn't feel as cold. Edward came closer to her and wrapped his hands around her waist, and pulled her deeper into the water. Eventually his feet barely touched the bottom, and Bella put her arms around his neck as she felt her legs float up. Edward holding her allowed her to put forth zero effort, and she felt her thigh brush against his stomach.

Edward's hands began to roam of their own volition, but stayed in safe areas. He stroked Bella's upper back and back down to play with the edge of her top. He felt her nipples through her thin top press against his chest and he willed his arousal to stay down. His hand drifted to her thigh and he followed the soft skin up until he reach the hem of her shorts. His fingers trailed lightly underneath the fabric and Bella wanted to close her eyes and just enjoy the feeling.

"No one should be allowed to be so tempting," Edward said huskily in her ear. She pulled back and looked at his face, and saw that he was clenching his jaw.

"I'm sorry…I wasn't trying to –"

"Don't you dare apologize. I know you don't try, that's what's so crazy. You don't have to try at all and you're the sexiest woman I know."

Bella scoffed at being called sexy, but she could tell that Edward serious.

"You know, you're pretty tempting yourself," Bella replied. Edward raised one eyebrow at her. "Let's go jump."

Edward agreed, though he would rather hold her to him and float with her in the ocean all day. They returned to the shore and began to trek up to the cliff. Emmett and Rose jumped as Bella and Edward watched from halfway up. They bobbed up safely, and Bella could hear Rose's uncharacteristic squeal from where they were. When the pair reached the top, she saw that some of the Quileute boys she met before were there again. The one named Jake approached them immediately, greeting Edward and Bella enthusiastically. Bella didn't notice his eyes travel over her wet swimsuit top or her bare legs.

Edward did, however, and he put his arm around Bella's shoulder and pulled her tightly into his side. Jake caught his eye and nodded, silently accepting Edward's claim. Edward and Bella waited for some of the other boys to jump before they did. This jump wasn't as thrilling as the first time, whether due to the knowledge of what it would be like or the less emotionally charged climate, but it was wonderful nonetheless. She and Edward swam effortlessly to shore, and Bella chuckled as she recalled the issues she had with her dress the last time she was there.

After both couples jumped several times, they began to tire out. They sat and ate their lunches quietly, watching the other beach-goers and resting. Rose opted to peel her wetsuit top off and revealed a tiny string bikini top underneath. She leaned back to soak up some sun, and Emmett stayed next to her, alternating staring at her and building a pathetic looking sand castle.

Edward and Bella chose to head back out into the water, floating aimlessly as they talked.

"Are you having a good birthday?"

"I am, though there's something I really wanted…and I haven't gotten it yet."

"What is it?" Bella watched Edward's eyes dance playfully.

"A birthday kiss."

Bella realized then that she hadn't kissed him yet and felt remorseful. She paddled closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her legs floated up on their own and circled his waist as Edward's hands skimmed down her back and settled on the curve of her ass. She leaned forward and kissed him slowly, passionately, truly putting her emotions into it. They weren't hurried in their movements, and their tongues caressed one another's languorously. Edward reveled in the feeling of her under his fingers and the way her tongue stroked his. He didn't want to stop. Eventually he heard shouting and pulled back to see Emmett waving from the shore. He pointed at his wrist, as though he were wearing a watch, and Edward knew it was time to go. He squeezed Bella tighter to him and began walking to shore.

Bella attempted to untangle her limbs from Edward, but he wouldn't allow her to move. He kept his hold on her until they reached their belongings, Bella flushed with embarrassment but smiling widely. He kissed her innocently on the mouth and then the tip of her nose and sat her down. He waited until he reached the car to pull his shirt over his head, and he and Emmett both stripped their trunks off to put on dry shorts by the car. Bella barely averted her eyes in time to keep from seeing Edward totally naked, but she noticed that Rose kept her eyes glued to Emmett's form. Rose nodded to herself before she and Bella drove off, calling out the car windows that they'd be over to the Cullen's soon.

Emmett drove he and his brother back home, rolling the windows down to help dry out their hair.

"So you guys were really goin' at it out there," Emmett said conversationally. Edward turned his head sharply to look at his brother.

"We were kissing, that's it," Edward replied indignantly.

"Bro, that wasn't kissing…that was foreplay."

Edward jeered at Emmett before looking out the window.

"Have you guys gone all the way?"

"No, we haven't."

"Serious? I'm surprised you could wait this long. It's hard when you're used to gettin' pussy all the time to go cold turkey like that," Emmett said.

"Shit, Em, shut up. I respect Bella, and I love her. I want to wait until she's ready…even if she's never ready, I'd rather be with her not having any sex at all then be without and get it all the time."

"Whoa. You really do love her. Shit."

Emmett looked amazed as he neared the Cullen house.

"You and Rose?"

"Um, not quite," Emmett said in a quiet voice. He looked downright bashful, and Edward picked up on it.

"For real? I thought you woulda hit that right away," Edward teased, but Emmett didn't find it humorous. He snarled his response.

"Don't say anything like that about Rose."

Edward was taken aback by the venom in Emmett's tone, but agreed. He didn't want to upset or offend Emmett. He was used to his brother always being a little crass, and always pushing jokes a little too far. To see Emmett be chivalrous over a girl was surprising, but welcome.

"Sorry, man. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know. Sorry I snapped. Rose is just…special, that's all."

Edward understood. He thought Bella was pretty goddamn special, too.

When Edward walked in the front door of his house, laughing with Emmett, he was surprised to run into a lanky blonde boy. The boy was only a little shorter than Edward, and didn't appear to have an ounce of fat or muscle on his body. His eyes were a startling shade of black and he seemed rather…odd.

"Edward, Emmett – this is Jasper!" Alice said as she bounded toward the trio. She grabbed Jasper's arm and looked up at him with stars in her eyes. Jasper nodded politely.

"Nice to meet you. Happy birthday, Edward," Jasper said in a monotone voice. Zero inflection, zero expression…Edward got the sense that Jasper was way more stoic than any thirteen-year old should be.

"Mom said I could invite Jasper to your birthday dinner so I called him and he came over early and helped me set up and then he helped Mom get your cake ready and he even helped me wrap your present, he's really good at that kinda stuff and he brought you a card even though you don't know him, isn't that sweet?" Edward had a hard time following everything Alice said, but he knew the appropriate response was to smile and nod. So he did, along with Emmett.

Edward wasn't sure if he was supposed to do the overprotective big brother thing or not, so he looked at Emmett for confirmation. Emmett nodded curtly, excusing Edward, and then he stepped forward to place an arm around Jasper's shoulder. "Jasper, my man…."

Emmett led the strange boy back into the kitchen while Alice beamed at his retreating form. She clasped her hands together under her chin and turned back to Edward. "Isn't he amazing?"

"Yeah, amazing. Does he ever, you know, like…show emotion?"

"Of course, all the time. Just now he was nervous to meet you. Couldn't you tell? He was so fidgety," Alice told him. Edward replayed the meeting in his head and noted that Jasper barely moved a muscle the entire time, not even when Edward first nearly ran into him. Jasper's mouth moved to speak, but his head stayed totally still. He wondered if his sister had accidentally gotten into a relationship with a robot. Esme entered the room and tsk'd at Edward's windblown hair.

"Did you meet Jasper?" Edward nodded. "Isn't he a darling?"

Edward grew even more perplexed at how the shaggy-haired robot charmed his mother as well as his sister. He decided nodding was still the best way to go, so he did and then turned to go upstairs to get ready. In an hour Bella should be back over here, and Edward wouldn't have to say goodbye to her until tomorrow. His cock twitched at the thought, so he made the choice to take care of business during his shower, as usual.

Bella smoothed the front of her dress down as she studied herself in Rose's full-length mirror. She wore a sundress, as she loved to do in the summer, but it was made of heavier material that had a bit of shimmer to it. She felt lovely. Bella didn't want to be too dressed up, but she wanted to look extra-nice for Edward's eighteenth birthday. Rose had put loose curls into Bella's hair and pulled it all to one side, so it loosely draped over her right shoulder. She wore a tiny bit of makeup and she thought she actually looked quite…perfect.

Rose of course looked stunning, as always, in her trouser-style shorts and short-sleeved satin top. She looked very metropolitan, and Bella wondered why Rose hadn't ever moved to a bigger city. She would have to ask her sometime.

Bella picked up the gift bag that held Edward's present. She was incredibly nervous about giving it to him, but she had a good feeling that he would like it. She worked tirelessly on it at night when he left and it showed. She felt like it was perfectly Edward, but also carried a message from her that only he would get. She smiled and butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she walked downstairs and out to Rose's car, an overnight bag in her left hand.

Rose and Bella arrived at the Cullen's house just before six. They were ushered in by Alice and promptly introduced to her boyfriend, Jasper. Bella reached to shake his hand but Jasper didn't return the gesture, so she let her hand fall awkwardly back to her side. Jasper was attractive in an unconventional way; his eyes were much too dark for his sandy blonde hair, but his features were symmetrical and proportionate. He was a bit skinny, but was probably suffering the effects of a growth spurt, since he towered over her already. Rose eyed him with caution before giving him a tight smile. They managed to get away from the strange boy quickly, and entered the kitchen to find a smiling Esme and Carlisle.

Bella was worried about seeing Carlisle again. She hadn't been around him since the ill-fated dinner from a few weeks ago, but she was glad to see him in a good mood.

"Bella! Rose! Good to see you girls. Have something while we wait for dinner," he said congenially. There was an impressive spread on the island featuring every type of appetizer possible. Emmett's voice sounded from the doorway and he quickly swooped in and grabbed some carrot sticks with one hand, and Rose with the other. Rose laughed good-naturedly before swatting at him.

Bella spotted an open bottle of wine on the counter behind Carlisle and wondered if that was contributing to his jolly mood, of if perhaps he was just happy to celebrate his son's birthday. She hoped it was the latter. Edward's sweet voice swept into the room, and before she could turn to see him, he draped his arm over her shoulder and kissed her temple. Bella blushed furiously and looked down. Edward laughed at her reaction before taking her overnight bag from her hand.

"I'll put this in the guest room for you. Rose, can I take your bag for you?" Rose obliged and handed her bag over to Edward as well.

"Honey, Rose can stay in the first floor guest room, if she wants to. She and Bella don't have to bunk tonight," Esme explained as she shot a glance over at Carlisle.

Bella watched Carlisle closely until he turned and caught her. He smiled at her, genuinely, before reaching back to take another sip of wine. Bella turned to go find Alice and was surprised to find Jasper standing there. He blinked once, his eyes glassy as though he wasn't actually seeing her, and then spoke.

"Alice requests your assistance." Bella tried not to shy away from the creepy boy and act natural. She nodded and followed him into the living room where Alice was fussing with Edward's iPod over a home dock. Bella managed to put together a playlist that Edward would approve of before he returned. Esme announced that dinner was ready and the entire family settled down at the table to partake in Edward's favorite, homemade lasagna.

Emmett and Rose helped themselves to some wine while the younger guests made due with soft drinks. Carlisle gave a pretty touching, albeit short, toast, and everyone dug in. Edward chose to rest his left hand on Bella's thigh while he ate, a move that distracted Bella greatly. She tried to focus on the conversation around her, and on swallowing her food, but Edward lightly traced the bare skin of her thigh until she tingled all over. She inconspicuously reached down to still his hand, but chose the wrong moment to do so. When she flattened Edward's hand, his fingers trailed down to her inner thigh, a number of inches below her skirt and she gasped. Esme looked at her with concern and asked if she was all right.

"Yes, oh, yes, I, um," Bella stuttered as she cleared her throat repeatedly, and then threw in a fake cough for good measure. "I just had a bite of food try to go down the wrong pipe is all."

Everyone accepted her explanation while Edward tried to hold back his laughter. Bella promptly removed her hand from his, but he wasn't about to take his hand back when he'd made so much progress. The skin on the inside of Bella's thigh was softer than anything he'd ever touched. It felt like her thighs were wrapped in silk and he couldn't bear to stop touching it.

Dinner ended relatively fast; Edward opted to open presents before they ate cake. Everyone moved to the living room where Alice started Edward's "B-Day Jam" as she called it, and Edward was about to settle on one end of the couch when he turned to ask Bella a question. He came face to face with Jasper, who Edward came to realize moved silently. _Fucker probably hovers over the ground instead of walking on it._

Jasper seemed oblivious to Edward's distress and didn't move out of his way. Edward finally grabbed Jasper's shoulder and moved the scrawny boy to the side so he could see his girl. Bella approached Edward and trailed a finger down his chest, not stopping until it got dangerously low on his torso. Edward had a sharp intake of breath before looking at her questioningly. Everyone else was already sitting down, and none of them could see what Bella was doing to him.

"Two can play your game, you know," Bella said in a low, sultry voice as her finger traced the button of his jeans before dropping away. Edward willed himself to not get hard as he turned and sat on the couch.

Edward opened his presents and graciously thanked everyone. His parents had given him a bound notebook for him to write his compositions in. Each page was already adorned with his initials; it was a perfect gift. Alice bought him a ridiculously overpriced hoodie with a cool design on it, and Emmett gave him a small booklet of "Beer Bucks." Edward could redeem them at any time and Emmett would have to get beer for him. It was a bit dimwitted but also original and perfect. Rose got him a gift card for music downloads, which left Bella's gift to be opened last.

Bella really didn't want her present to be last as it put too much anticipation on the gift. Edward pulled the canvas out of the bag and stared at it for a long time before saying or doing anything. He couldn't believe what Bella had painted for him. She had portrayed their meadow abstractly, using wild colors and shapes, making the wildflowers pop and the surrounding trees lean in at weird angles. It was gorgeous. No one else would've known what she was painting, but Edward could feel it the second he look at it. He realized there were words bordering the painting, and he read the tiny scrawled letters in awe. Bella had written the first verse of one of his favorite Arcade Fire songs.

It was easily the best gift he'd ever received. She obviously put a lot of thought and time into this, and the message behind the lyrics was obvious to him. He couldn't believe she'd done this for him. By the time he snapped out of his stupor his entire family crowded behind him to look at the painting, since Edward apparently wasn't going to show anyone. Everyone ooh'd and aah'd, because it was a beautiful painting, but none of them knew the story or the message lying within it. Edward finally placed the picture on the couch next to him and grabbed Bella and kissed her, hard, on the mouth, right there in front of everyone. The kiss didn't last long, and when he pulled back he kept his hands cupping her cheeks and told her, "Thank you."

Everyone smiled and laughed at Edward's display of affection, and Bella, true to form, blushed a dark red. Edward didn't care though. He was celebrating his birthday with his girl, his love, and he knew, without a doubt, that she loved him just as he did her.

Emmett shouted that it was time for cake, but Carlisle stopped him from heading into the kitchen. "Actually, we have one more thing for you, Edward. Your mother and I weren't sure if we should show this to you in private, but we're all practically family here, so we'll give it to you now. As you know, you have a trust fund that will become available to you when you're twenty-five. Well, one stipulation in your grandfather's will was that you would be allotted a small percentage at both your eighteenth and twenty-first birthdays. So, here is a little something for you to hold on to. You don't have to put all of it toward college, but I'm going to do the fatherly thing and say you need to be wise."

Edward retrieved the piece of paper from his father and read over the words. He was being given ten percent of his trust fund. The number typed in the letter was more than he could imagine having. Edward managed to murmur a 'thanks' and everyone headed to the kitchen to get a piece of cake. Edward insisted that no one sing to him, so he didn't have to be there as they cut it. Bella waited for him, and when it seemed like he wasn't moving, she sat next to him on the arm of the couch and put her arm around his waist.

"You all right? Are you in shock?" Bella was curious as to how much money Edward was getting, but didn't want to pry.

"The trust fund is from my real father's father. So…Emmett didn't get anything like this. I had no idea. I have…I have a million dollars, Bella," Edward said, turning to look at her with what looked like both panic and excitement in his eyes. "You and I…we can go anywhere…do anything. The two of us, we can just…go. Whenever we want."

Bella realized what Edward was saying to her and stopped him. "Edward, we can't go anywhere now. I'm not even eighteen yet and we both need to graduate. It's great that you have that money, but you don't need to do anything with it now. Just save it and when you finish school you can do whatever you want with it. Go to the fanciest college you can think of or travel the world. Whatever you want."

"No, whatever _we_ want. You'll come with me. I can provide for you, and you have a way out. You see? It's perfect. As soon as we graduate, we'll go. Anywhere."

Bella didn't want to argue with him so she acquiesced and stroked his cheek before declaring that she needed some cake pronto. As she and Edward walked to the kitchen, hand in hand, she thought about all the money he received. She hadn't told Edward, but when she turned eighteen, she too would be receiving some benefits from her father. His life insurance policy wasn't anything extravagant, but it would be enough to provide Bella with a nice cushion for college. She allowed herself to imagine for one short moment what it would be like for her and Edward to take all their money and go off-grid for a while. Just the two of them, wherever they wanted. It was terribly romantic.

After the cake was devoured, everyone poured into the den to play some games on the Wii. Surprising to everyone, except for Alice, Jasper was a master at nearly every game they played. Emmett eventually grumbled and refused to play after Jasper beat him four straight times at tennis. Jasper never acted excited or even into playing at all, but nevertheless, he was the champ. Alice looked at him like he discovered the earth was round, and Edward shook his head in confusion.

"I do not get this kid. Don't you think he's…"

"Weird? Creepy? Unsettling? Yes. He's giving me the heebie-jeebies."

Edward laughed at Bella's wording and put his arm around her and watched Rose challenge Jasper to another game of tennis. They kept playing until Rose finally beat Jasper, and Esme and Carlisle decided to turn in. Jasper's mother picked him up at eleven, and to Edward's dismay, Alice planted a big kiss on Jasper before he went out the door. Emmett clenched his fist and waited until Alice had retired to her room being announcing that "that shit-face better watch his back." The four of them stayed up watching TV until Bella started nodding off, and Edward helped her to her room. He hated having to say goodnight to her, but knew he shouldn't push his luck.

Bella awoke with a start. Thunder was crashing outside, and the lightning was so bright she could see everything clearly as though it were day when it flashed. Her legs were tangled in her sheets and she was covered in sweat. She decided to pull off her pajama bottoms to cool off, and lay with her eyes open, listening to the storm. She wore a pair of provocative panties under her dress that night, not that she thought Edward would see them, but they gave her a confidence boost when she had them on. The feel of her bare legs against the sheets was refreshing. A noise at her door caught her attention, and as she looked at it she saw Edward enter the room and turn to shut the door silently. When he turned back around to face her, a bolt of lightning crackled and he was lit up like a killer in a horror movie would be.

He was surprised to see her awake and staring at him, and even more surprised to see her on top of her sheets with no pants on. He moved closer without telling his feet to, and soon he was perched on the bed beside her.

"What are you doing here?" Bella's voice was hushed, though the sounds of the storm raging outside were enough to drown their voices out.

"I was…I don't know, I was thinking about how you used to get scared during storms when we were kids and…not that I thought you'd be afraid, but…fuck, I just really wanted to come down here and cuddle with you. Is that lame?"

Bella grinned. "Not lame at all." She held out her arms in invitation, and Edward leaned towards her but paused.

"But now that I'm here…and I can see your underwear…I'd rather not just cuddle, Bella."

His voice was pure temptation and Bella found herself grabbing him and pulling him down on top of her. She kissed him fervently and ran her hands along his back, feeling his muscles through the thin cotton of his t-shirt. Bella's hands traveled lower and when she reached his hips she pulled him so he'd put his weight on her.

Edward groaned into her mouth as he felt the heat pulsating from beneath the tiny panties she wore. He felt her breasts through her shirt and he couldn't stop his hands from moving up to squeeze them. Edward let loose a string of expletives as Bella moaned and arched into his hands. He sat up slightly, Bella's legs on either side of him, and grabbed her shirt. He looked into her eyes for permission and she nodded. He swiftly pulled the shirt over her head, and the lightning outside illuminated her perfect breasts. He kneaded them before leaning down and taking one pebbled nipple into his mouth. Bella was making a myriad of noises and Edward was thankful for the volume of the storm.

He released her breasts before lying back on top of her and kissing her. Bella's hips were thrusting up to meet his. She grabbed at his shirt and pull at it roughly and Edward sat up again to pull it off. Before he could lean back over her, Bella tugged at his shorts. Edward was surprised but wasn't about to question her. Once his shorts were removed, he resumed his position and began grinding against her core. The feeling of her under his hands and pressed up against him was almost too much. He kept his mouth on her neck as he thrust harder against her, his imminent release making itself known.

"Fuck, Bella…I'm gonna…" he managed to get out. Bella responded by wrapping both legs around him and pulling him even tighter to her. Edward couldn't hold off any longer and exploded, unfortunately making quite a mess in his boxers. He collapsed and his breath was heaving into her hair. Bella was gasping as well, and was surprised when Edward propped himself up and looked at her. "Can I touch you? I want to make you feel good."

Bella couldn't speak, so she nodded. Edward's hands began tracing down her body adoringly, and eventually made it to her hot center. He didn't pull her underwear down, so she wouldn't be too uncomfortable, and as his fingers hit just the right spot, Bella's mind flew elsewhere. She could think of nothing, her senses overloaded at the feel of Edward touching her. Her hips were writhing against his hand and she was making embarrassing noises, but she couldn't help it. Edward leaned down and began nipping and sucking on her breast, and she could feel the fire building in her lower abdomen. Suddenly the feeling overtook her and white light flashed behind her eyelids, so bright it stunned her, and the sound that came from her lips was purely animalistic.

Her breathing eventually slowed and she realized that Edward was curled up against her.

"Can I stay here with you?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Always," was all she said. Edward stood and pulled his boxers down, planning on just putting his shorts back on, but was startled by Bella's gasp. He looked up to see her staring intently at his crotch, and he realized that she'd never seen him, or anyone he didn't think, before.

"Sorry, I was just going to put my shorts on," Edward explained and Bella nodded. Even when his shorts covered him, she continued to stare. Edward climbed into bed with her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest so their feet tangled. "Can you sleep without your shirt?"

"Yes. If you hold me," Bella said, surprised at her own boldness. But she wanted to feel Edward's bare chest pressed against her, and she wasn't afraid to make it happen. The previous fifteen minutes were the most glorious of her entire life. She was so deliriously happy she couldn't believe she was the same person. She wanted to tell Edward those things, she wanted to make sure he knew that he made her feel better than she'd ever felt, and she wanted to explain to him how badly she wanted him, always.

She wanted to say all that, but instead, she just said,

"I love you, Edward."

Bella awoke with Edward's lips meeting hers in a soft kiss.

"I need to go back to my room, babe," Edward said quietly. "I don't want to get caught sneaking out of here."

Bella saw that morning was dawning and her room was slowly illuminating. She couldn't hear any sounds of the storm. Edward was about to pull away, but Bella gripped him tighter to her bare chest.

"Don't go, not yet," she said, and felt his morning wood press against her thigh. Bella blushed as she quickly thought through the events of the previous night. Edward moaned quietly as Bella squished her bare breasts against his chest. He wanted to continue what'd they started last night, or at least an encore, but he knew he needed to get up to his room.

"I love you." Edward's eyes sparkled with delight as Bella took in his words.

Bella smiled widely, realizing at that moment how much she loved to hear him say that. She knew she told him not to say that to her, but so much had changed between them in the three weeks since their fight, and she was ready. She wanted to try this, for real.

"I didn't realize your underwear was purple. You look good in purple," Edward said as he toyed with the edges. "I wish I had enough time to give you a real good morning."

Bella felt the desire course through her and settle just inches below where his fingers were, but a look at the clock by her bed confirmed that Edward really needed to sneak back into his room. Esme would be up any minute, if she wasn't already.

"As much as I want that, I think you need to get back to your room before we're caught. I don't think they'd let me stay over anymore if they found us like this," she said.

Edward pouted adorably for a moment before nodding his agreement. He pulled his shirt over his head. "But you'll rain check for that good morning, right? I'd hate to leave you hanging."

Bella smirked at his teasing and couldn't resist taking a jab at him. "Who said I'll be left hanging?"

Bella held up her right hand and wiggled her fingers. Edward's jaw dropped and he groaned as he closed his eyes and turned away.

"Fuck, that's hot. I wish you hadn't put that image in my head," he said, but he turned and kissed her again as he handed her t-shirt back to her. "I'll see you in a little while."

"I love you," Bella said cheerily as Edward approached her door.

"Ditto," he replied, and grinned like an idiot.

Bella flopped back down onto her back and put her shirt over her mouth to smother her girlish squeal. As much as she thought different, she in fact was a real teenage girl.

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**And, also, you can now follow me on Twitter -- http: // twitter (dot) com (slash) ginginleelee. I can't make any grand promises, as I am the lamest person in the technological age, with the competency of a four and a half year old, but I may have some cool stuff on there from time to time. Thank you, all my readers!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey peeps -- this is a short chapter, but I intend to post the next one relatively soon. Thanks so much for all of the support this past week -- I don't know if this story was rec'd anywhere other than TwiFic Promotions, but if it was, awesome and thanks. I got a crazy number of story alerts/favs this week, so it's appreciated if anyone is out there pimpin' this thing. **

**I have two story rec's this week that couldn't be more different from one another. **

**First off, for some humor, check out Daniel Gale: Cumming to America, by danielgaleh00rs, it is just so effin' hilarious, it's ridiculous. If you're not familiar with Daniel Gale (which I hope to god you are) then google it.**

**Next, for a good mystery, check out Strange Bedfellows, by the bouquet. It is a great, suspenseful story that definitely will have you sleuthing along with Edward.**

**This is a Renee-centric chapter -- hopefully you'll enjoy it.**

**A big thanks to my betas, Zombies Run This Town and imahappymess.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of those darn characters. **

**Song for this chapter: Guns 'N' Roses -- "November Rain"...cause...why not?**

* * *

Renee sat on the short stool provided for her vanity mirror in the hotel room. She dabbed blush on her cheeks before meticulously applying eyeliner to frame her slate-blue eyes. She hummed contentedly as she finished her look off with mascara and lipstick. She pulled a second lipstick tube from her cosmetic bag, uncapped the lid, and tapped out a small amount of white powder from within it. She closed the tube back up and retrieved a small square of plastic that separated the contents of her bag and sorted the powder into two lines. Another reach into her mysterious yet practical-looking bag provided Renee with a short tube used to cover an eye shadow brush. She snorted the lines quickly before dabbing her nose with a spare tissue, and fluffing her hair.

The bathroom door opened next to her and Phil emerged, wrapped only in a towel around his waist. He smiled at his wife before dropping the towel to get dressed. Renee watched his muscular back flex as he pulled his boxers on, and she reveled in the memory of their morning. Phil called _her_ name as he shuddered above _her_, she being the only one to bring him that satisfaction. Renee felt smug. And satisfied – Phil was a proficient, if not a robotic, lover.

Renee needed to call her daughter to ensure that she was adhering to the house rules. She'd received several emails from Bella already, with all of her assignments attached. Bella was actually a good student, but Renee didn't like to fawn over her too much. Renee didn't like to admit to herself how afraid of her daughter she was. Every part of Bella felt threatening, and she didn't know how to stop it. She daydreamed for a moment as she thought of how wonderful it would be for her and Phil to exist just as they were now: alone. Bella's eighteenth birthday was coming up in September, but since she still had her senior year of high school, she knew that Bella wouldn't be leaving until the following summer.

Phil hadn't mentioned Bella at all since they left. She found it odd that he was always so preoccupied with her at home, yet failed to bring her up or inquire after her while they were away. Renee hated the way she had to constantly battle her jealously over her own daughter, but she couldn't help but notice the way Phil's eyes followed Bella's movements around their home. She was not ignorant to the fact that a mere thirteen years separated the two of them. Or that Bella was a younger, perkier version of herself. Or that things on her body were beginning to sag and stretch. She wasn't deluded; she was just hopeful.

She shook herself from her thoughts and picked up her cell phone. Bella answered on the second ring.

"Hi, Bella. How is everything going?"

"Great, Mom. I'm working on the history paper due next week. I decided to write about propaganda techniques during World War II."

"Sounds great, I hope this one turns out a little better than your paper last week."

"I thought…you gave me a ninety-two on it."

"Yes, but there are eight more points above a ninety-two, right? I just want you to do your best. How's Rosalie?"

"She's good. She's probably sick of me already," Bella said, and Renee heard Rose laugh and deny her statement in the background. Renee felt a fleeting moment of happiness for her daughter. It was easier to feel such things for Bella when Renee was able to get Phil all to herself and shirk her parental responsibilities for a while.

Renee told Bella to keep up with her studies and bid her goodbye. She slipped on her heels before following Phil out the door to attend another luncheon. Renee was a bit bored with the whole campaigning thing, but she was eager to help Phil and make him look good. Phil said that being married to an older woman also lent him a certain maturity in the eyes of some of the Congressman. He hoped to garner the backing of a higher-up in the state, and possibly the country, so he pulled out all the stops.

The first few weeks of their trip took them to various cities across Washington, followed by a trip down the coast. Renee and Phil were now holed up in DC for ten straight days before they went up to Pennsylvania and New York. Renee was perplexed about the reasoning behind visiting so many different areas of the country when Phil was trying for a seat in Washington, but she didn't question him too much. She trusted him, and the instincts of his campaign manager, who cost more than Renee's last three cars combined.

In the eyes of those they lunched with, Renee and Phil were both dry, i.e. abstaining from all alcohol. While this confused some, most people applauded them for their efforts. Renee beamed under any praise, and she gave herself a congratulatory pat on the back anytime someone mentioned it. She hadn't had a drink since she left rehab, which was practically a decade ago. Phil had his fill of binge drinking in his younger days, during off-season and nearly every night after his career-ending injury. Anytime a reporter or another politician brought up Phil's DUI charge from years back, he cited old habits from playing in the majors, and makes sure that everyone knows he attended alcohol abuse counseling. While never going through rehab himself, he knew the value of staying clean and sober, especially during this stressful time. Renee was thankful that she and Phil were on the same page about that.

The couple finally retired to their room that night, both sluggish from the never-ending dinner they attended. Kissing ass was exhausting.

Renee pulled out her makeup bag and cut three lines, snorting two and offering her tiny tube to Phil.

"Come on, babe, you know I can't be doing that now. And you need to be more careful, if anyone found out, or you left something behind, I'd be sunk. Keep your shit together, okay? I don't want you running around all fucking erratic and raising red flags."

Renee rolled her eyes at Phil's dramatics and snorted the last line herself. She proceeded to make a show of cleaning off the table to erase any remnants of the drug. Phil reclined on the hotel bed and turned on the TV as Renee entered the bathroom. When she emerged, wearing nothing but her heels, his eyes weren't as greedy as she hoped.

But Phil was a man, so he popped the button on his dress pants and lowered the zipper, beckoning Renee forward with a sly grin. Renee expertly disrobed him and crawled towards his face to kiss him. She lingered on his lips as she hovered on all fours over his body, his erection clearly straining to meet her. But Phil stroked her cheek softly and then lightly pushed down on her head, and she knew what he wanted. Renee sucked and hummed and licked to the best of her abilities, and Phil cursed as he came. He fell asleep almost instantly, leaving Renee unfulfilled.

Renee flopped onto her back and traced her fingers lazily down her stomach, but she wasn't in the mood for some self-gratification. Her rejection eclipsed her desire. She couldn't help but think about what a pig Phil was at times. She was sure she loved him, in a way, for who he is and what he has to offer, but he was still immature and selfish.

At times like these, she let her memory float back farther than usual, to twenty years ago, and Charlie. He was a man of few words, and kept his emotions locked up, but he was a giving man and a good lover. He took his time with Renee and made sure she was always left satisfied. He anticipated her needs and worked hard to meet them and left his own on the back burner. Sometimes she imagined what life would've been like is she just hadn't left him. If she stayed, what would they have become? She imagined years of companionship and equality; but she also knew her musings were in vain. Charlie was gone, gone to her long before he passed away. She made her bed a long time ago.

Renee also wasn't bringing Bella into the equation. Maybe if Bella had been born later, or maybe not at all, their relationship could've made it. Maybe if the baby they made hadn't terrified Renee of never having a future, maybe their marriage wouldn't have severed. Maybe they would have lasted, if not for Bella.

Renee loved Bella, but she cursed the day she was born frequently. She was ashamed to think it but she couldn't help the disdain she felt for her daughter even now. Bella stole her best years, not once, but twice. She didn't know if she could stand Bella's sabotage for another year. Her mind kicked into high gear and she thought through all the possibilities until she fell asleep.

When Renee woke up, Phil was bustling around the hotel suite. His body was glistening with sweat, and she assumed he utilized the hotel's gym that morning. Phil kept up with his exercise regimen religiously, with years and years of training still built into his brain. She watched him moved around the room and loved the way his brown hair was unkempt and wet.

"Honey, I've been thinking," Renee began. Phil groaned

"Uh-oh. That usually doesn't bode well for me," he teased.

"Oh, shut it. No, I've been thinking, and I have an idea. It's a little…crazy, but…Bella will be eighteen in September, and even though she's still got another year of school, what if we set her up in her own place? She's responsible, and I know she'd do well on her own. Then we could go back to the way things were before she moved in with us, remember? Having the house to ourselves, walking around naked, christening every room…" she trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows in an effort to entice him.

Renee could've conceivably gotten Bella her own place a while ago, but Phil (and every busybody in town, including Esme Cullen) wouldn't approve of Bella being on her own at such a young age.

"Babe…that's not right. She needs parents, even if she is eighteen. A high school senior can get into a lot of trouble on their own. And I guess I figured she might even live with us while she's in college. There's no need for her to move out if she goes to Port Angeles for classes."

Renee frowned. She thought Phil was getting used to just the two of them again. She felt insecure and embarrassed; she was pretty sure that Phil just wanted the object of his lust to be around all the time still. She nodded at him, feeling a bit too unstable to answer him verbally. He sighed and went to the bathroom, and she heard the shower start up. Renee hurried to her fake lipstick and quickly snorted two lines. She checked her purse to make sure her pills were safely tucked away, knowing she would need them today.

She was truly disappointed. Her eyes welled up as she combated the words "unwanted" and "undesirable." She looked at herself in the mirror, but the words wouldn't go away. They painted themselves in red over her reflection, skewing her features until she resembled a monster. She tried to assure herself that Phil did love her, and desire her, but she couldn't quiet the voice inside that said she was just a substitute. She was a stand-in. Perhaps Phil was just waiting for Bella to be of age. Renee huffed in frustration. Bella managed to ruin things for her without even trying.

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**Follow me on Twitter at ginginleelee (yes, two lee's, not one).**

**FYI, I am going to be posting the first chapter of my newest story around the time that Bitter Edge ends -- which is a mere five chapters away. I'll give you a little more info at a later date, but just be prepared to follow me to the edge of the world...or at least, until I post this next fic. :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello amazing readers! I'm shocked at the support this story has gotten over the past couple of weeks, so to all the new readers out there, welcome! I think you all will really like this chapter, sorry I didn't get it up sooner (woops, Lulu M), but it was well worth the wait, I think.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of these characters.**

**Songs: Dashboard Confessional - "Brilliant Dance," Great Northern - "Summertime," Bloc Party - "Signs"**

**Thanks to my beta's, anythingzombie and imahappymess for cleaning this bad boy up.**

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Midnight meetings and fleeting touches were all that sustained Edward and Bella for weeks after his birthday. Bella didn't stay overnight at the Cullen's again, and Rose acted as though she knew what transpired between the pair. She didn't let them have more than ten or fifteen minutes alone during the day. Edward managed to sneak away a few nights a week and meet Bella in the woods along her yard, but their physical relationship was stalled. It wasn't purposeful, but Bella was trying hard to enjoy where they were and not rush anything…at least not more than she already had.

The fact that only a month and a half had passed since she told Edward that she needed time, and he would have to work hard to earn back her trust, astounded her. Edward had worked extremely hard, and Bella felt able to share more and more with him each day. She saw the old Edward shine through and she couldn't help but want to give herself to him. Bella and Edward were both enthusiastic with their hands as they backed one another against tree trunks under the cloudy moon, but nothing further had happened. Bella attempted to sink to her knees but Edward wouldn't allow her. He said it was too degrading for Bella to kneel on the dirty ground, and that he wouldn't be able to enjoy the experience.

She made him promise to let her try at a later date, in a more comfortable location. Bella was surprised that she wanted to as much as she did, but the more she was with Edward, the more she truly wanted to bring him pleasure. She wanted to put a smile on his face, and cook a meal to fill his stomach, and hold him and touch him and bring him to release. Bella wanted Edward desperately.

So when Rose announced that she would be gone for two nights in early July, Bella tried to act cool, when she was anything but. Scenarios ran through her brain of all the things she and Edward could do while they had the house to themselves for a couple of days. Rose proceeded to tell her that she would be staying at the Cullen's house and that she and Edward would be under strict supervision. Bella nodded in the affirmative, and gulped. She hoped Edward was ballsy enough to come to her room anyway, because she knew she was too timid to climb the stairs up to his.

"So how long has it been since you've seen your brother?" Bella inquired as she and Rose prepared breakfast. Rose wasn't leaving for a few more days, but Bella was already antsy.

"Too long. Years – I left when I was eighteen. I hadn't even talked to him until he called a couple of months ago. I'm really excited about meeting Charlotte."

"So is it going to be a big wedding?"

"No. Just goin' to City Hall. Emmett and I will be the witnesses. I'm so glad Peter asked us to come. And this will be the first time Emmett and I have been alone for a whole weekend, so –"

"I get it. No need to elaborate," Bella said as she started to laugh. Rose didn't delve too deeply into the details of her relationship, but sometimes she let things slip that Bella really didn't want to know about Emmett. Edward confirmed that Emmett had been filling his ear with similar unwanted details.

The two laughed amiably for another moment until they heard gravel crunching in the driveway. Bella shot Rose a puzzled look as she rose to peek out the kitchen window. Her heart stopped beating for two seconds before it picked up in double time.

"Fuck, it's Renee!" Rose didn't even register shock at Bella's uncharacteristic swear before she glanced at the clock above the stove.

"Bella, text Edward and tell him not to come, he's probably almost here. And then hide your phone in my room, okay?" Bella nodded and grabbed her cell from the kitchen table and dashed to her room.

- _911. Don't come over. Renee is here. I'll call you later._

Bella grabbed her phone charger from where it was plugged in and ran into Rose's room. She stripped Edward's hoodie from her body and stuffed it into Rose's closet and ran to her underwear drawer to hide her phone with all of her new underwear Rose stored for her. Her phone vibrated just before she shut the drawer.

- _I love you. Be safe. _

Bella wanted to share his sentiment but couldn't. She heard the door open downstairs and Rose give Renee a loud greeting. Bella shut the drawer and went into the bathroom to flush the toilet. Hoping her decoy worked she slowly walked down the stairs, acting surprised at her mother's arrival.

"Mom?" Bella called out before she rounded the corner. She almost gasped when she saw the genuine smile stretched across her mother's face. It looked unnatural on her.

Even more unnatural was the hug Renee gave Bella as she said hello. Renee pulled back from Bella and searched her face and body for changes.

"Your hair is shorter," Renee said in a bright voice. Bella was afraid it was a trap and was frozen in indecision. She tried to nod her agreement but her muscles weren't listening to her brain.

"Yeah, I took her for a trim. Nice, huh?" Rose asked with narrowed eyes. She stared at Renee's back like she was daring her to say something negative.

"Yes, it is nice. It looks great, Bella. You look so pretty, especially for just getting out of bed."

Renee turned her attention back to the breakfast Rose was preparing, while Bella was rooted in shock. Renee had never given her a compliment like that before. She was sure Renee didn't think she was ugly or anything, but she hadn't heard a positive statement from her mother since she was a child. Bella finally made her way back to the table and began to pick up her history book. Renee turned and scolded her.

"Oh, Bella, put your books away. You're way ahead in your schoolwork already. Let's enjoy breakfast," Renee said lightheartedly.

Bella agreed but felt on edge. Her suspicion was hovering just over their heads. "Where's Phil?"

"Oh, he's meeting some people in Seattle. We just got back on the West coast yesterday, and since we were in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop in and see you. I'm meeting back up with him later this afternoon. I've got a few hours to kill."

Bella studied her mother's movements, her speech, her pupils – nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Yet, Renee wasn't acting like herself. Or, at least, not the Renee she had gotten used to. Rose seemed just as wary, but continued serving up breakfast. The trio chatted idly while they ate, Renee acting happy as a clam to be enjoying a meal with her daughter. Bella couldn't place the last time Renee regarded her with affection.

"So how are things going with the campaign?"

"Oh, they're wonderful. Phil is really charming everyone, so he's getting a lot of donations and more than one Congressman is going to back him publicly. We've had such a great time just traveling and enjoying each other. It's like the honeymoon we never had," Renee said, with stars in her eyes. Bella noticed that Renee's words lacked the usual accusatory tone. She really just sounded wistful, not angry or regretful. Bella hoped that maybe this was what Renee needed to loosen up a bit. Maybe if she and Phil continued to have a romantic whirlwind summer then she would lay off of Bella when they returned. If only she could keep Phil's eyes from watching her, she was sure Renee would allow Bella more freedom.

Bella began to feel strangely optimistic. Renee eventually left the table to wander around the house. She claimed she wanted to do some laundry, yet Bella didn't see her bring anything into the house with her. As soon as Renee was out of earshot, Rose leaned forward, disbelief written all over her face.

"What the hell? Is your mom on something, or what? I'm so confused…I've never seen her like this," Rose began, her eyes darting to the entry way as though she feared the real Renee would come bursting in at any moment.

"I don't…I don't know, honestly. She is never like this…she's being so nice. Do you – do you think she misses me?"

Rose's heart ached at the hope in Bella's voice. She wanted to assure Bella that her mother missed her, and really did love her, but she couldn't in good conscience. She didn't know what was up with Renee, but she was afraid that Bella would end up being hurt by whatever game Renee was playing today. Rose heard Renee calling for her upstairs, so Bella offered to take care of the dishes.

"Rose, come here," Renee all but whispered. Rose felt her eyebrows dart towards each other as she took in Renee's crouched position by her bed. She had no idea what Renee took or snorted that day, but Rose was almost too uneasy to get close to her.

"What's up?" Rose said in a hushed voice. Renee motioned for her to come nearer, so even though she felt like a fool, she knelt down at eye level with her.

"I need to talk to you about something. I've…I've talked some with Phil, and he hadn't agreed yet, but it'll only be a matter of time before he does. I've got it worked out, but I thought you might be able to help."

Rose tried not to show her impatience as she waited for Renee to ramble around to the point.

"Since Bella is turning eighteen in September, I thought maybe we could get her an apartment of her own. I know she's capable of living on her own, and she could go back to Forks High if she wanted. What do you think?"

Rose was elated at Renee's suggestion, but didn't want too get her expectations too high. She tried to hide her excitement as she replied. "I think she would like that. She could finish up school with her friends, which is good. She could definitely live on her own, I think, but…but what if she moved in with me?"

Rose was hesitant to bring up her idea, but figured 'what the hell' since Renee was being generous today.

"I don't even know where your apartment is, dear." Renee blinked rapidly and Rose fought to fit her words in before Renee succumbed to a fit of mania or perhaps passed out. She'd never seen Renee act like this before, but she had to take advantage.

"It's in Forks, and I have a spare bedroom. I'm subletting it this summer, since I'm staying here, but she and I could move back into it in August. I know that's a bit before her birthday, but that would give her time to get settled before school started back. I'd be happy to have her."

"Won't you be busy with school?"

"I'll be pretty busy, yeah, but like you said, Bella can take care of herself. And this way she'd have me there if she needed me, but she could start to get used to independence. Maybe she'll feel better about moving away for college next year –"

"That's not a bad idea, Rose. I bet she would like living with you. You seem so fun," Renee said, her eyes becoming glazed and unfocused. She swayed a bit on her squatted legs and Rose worried that she would fall. "I need to talk to Phil, he'll have the final say. He's in Seattle though, and I see him before tonight. I drove my c-car here and I would don't drive back 'til after-this-noon. I can't, baby, see what he meets with…"

Renee trailed off in a slur of words. Rose had no idea what Renee was saying, so she reached out to help her to her feet. Renee's words softened to quiet mutterings and Rose moved her to sit on her bed. Renee shut her eyes and whispered, "night-night." Rose stared at Bella's mother and wanted to slap her silly. She didn't know what Renee was up to today, or why she came here. Did she just come to talk to her? Did she mean what she said? Would she actually free Bella, just like that? Rose worried that Renee wouldn't remember their conversation. She decided not to tell Bella anything, for fear that Renee would cancel her plan.

Rose shut the bedroom door and let Renee rest for the entirety of the afternoon. Bella didn't inquire too much after her mother, or ask what they talked about. She tried to do more schoolwork and forget about how much she missed Edward. It was foolish; she'd just seen him last night when she snuck out to meet him in the trees. She felt her face heat up as she remembered the way he touched her and panted into her mouth. Bella couldn't afford to get horny this early in the day, especially with her mother in the house. She didn't know when she'd be able to see him, and she feared that Renee would turn into her usual cold, bitchy self before too long. If Renee got into one of her paranoid moods, she would probably sniff Bella's clothes and know somehow that she was seeing a boy. Renee was delusional most of the time, but she still had an eerie sixth-sense. Normally her rants were ninety-percent fantasy but ten-percent spot-on intuition.

Bella and Rose were watching mindless afternoon TV when they heard Renee's footsteps on the stairs. Two sets of eyes, one brown, one blue, flitted to the bottom of the staircase. A harried-looking Renee appeared, not looking at either of them. Not a word was spoken as they listened to Renee gather her things in the kitchen and open the door. They heard a car door slam, and an engine turn over. Gravel flew in torrents as Renee sped back down their driveway. Bella had a momentary worry over Renee driving in her clearly unbalanced state, but dismissed it. Her mother was a great inebriated driver.

The pair sat silently for another fifteen minutes, both simultaneously wondering if Renee was gone for good. Finally, Bella turned to Rose, and asked,

"Think it's safe for Edward to come over?"

Rose shrugged. She didn't think Renee was coming back, but it still felt risky. "Why don't we see if we can join the Cullens for dinner? It might be a safer bet. If Renee comes back while we're gone, we'll claim we went to the library and out to dinner or something."

Bella complied, and went to retrieve her phone. Her phone displayed two new texts.

- _Please call whenever you can. I'm trying not to freak. I'm worried._

- _I miss you desperately, my heart. I'm turning into a lovesick buffoon._

Bella laughed aloud at Edward's melodramatic tendencies, but she couldn't deny the balloon of warmth that sprouted in her chest. She called him immediately and he invited her and Rose over hastily, proclaiming that her absence that day was giving him the shakes of withdrawal. She loved to see the playful side of Edward, almost as much as she loved to see his passionate side.

And oh what a passionate side it was.

Rose left Friday afternoon. She and Emmett were traveling down to Portland, where Rose's brother Peter was living, and would be coming back Sunday night. Rose dropped Bella off at the Cullens and picked up an enlivened Emmett. Edward immediately took Bella's things to the guest room before talking her into a walk in the summer rain.

"So, I was thinking that tomorrow we could go to your house…"

Bella looked up at him and saw that while he had a mischievous smile on his face, his cheeks were pink. She knew what he was thinking, and she was thinking the same thing.

"That sounds like a good idea."

"I'll tell Mom we're doing a day trip to Seattle. That'll buy us the whole day. You in?"

"Hell yeah, I'm in!"

Edward laughed and pulled Bella closer to his side, planting a kiss on her temple. He ran his hand down her back and slipped it under her shirt, trailing up her spine and back down to the waist of her shorts. His fingers slipped under the band and skimmed around to her side. He felt the string of her underwear and pulled at it. Bella's breath hitched and she felt a sudden throbbing in her lady bits. She was surprised at how quickly Edward could get her worked up. She halted her steps and turned to face him. His eyes were dark but sparkling and she wanted to dip inside of them and see if they were as deep as they looked. She imagined the soft feel of moss and velvet against her skin as she plunged into the forests Edward's face held. Before she recognized what was happening, she trailed her hot tongue across his eyelid and nipped at his brow.

Edward let out a feral growl as Bella acted on instinct, emboldened by her arousal and absolutely ravenous for him. She knew that teenage hormones could rage out of control, but she didn't know hers could peak like this. She'd never felt more alive but helpless in her life. She didn't know what to do, but she wanted to do everything. Quickly she moved down and placed her lips around Edward's adam's apple and suctioned it against her tongue. Edward felt her teeth nip at his skin again and his knees buckled. He sent up a silent prayer thanking God that he was standing by a fence post so he didn't collapse. He told his hands to move, or his mouth to move, but nothing happened. He was paralyzed by Bella's aggression and he wanted to see where it led.

Bella felt fearless; she knew no one from the house could see her, and apart from some stray deer, she felt certain they had privacy. Before Edward could stop her she lifted his shirt over his head and attacked his right nipple with her teeth, before moving to the left. She knew how glorious it felt for Edward to lavish attention on her own, so she assumed he would feel the same satisfaction. He ground his hips into hers as she licked a trail between his pecks and down the middle of his chest. Bella dipped her tongue into the barely-visible lines separating Edward's abs and he thought he might come before she even really touched him. He was getting desperate, but he was also situated against an uncomfortable wooden post while a light drizzle coated them.

Edward hadn't noticed Bella unbuttoning his shorts until she started in on the zipper, and he tried to stop her. Her brown eyes were black with want as they flashed to his, and she shook her head at him.

"Sit on the fence," she ordered. Edward didn't hesitate to lift himself to the top of the sturdy post, placing his hands on either side of him. Bella managed to release him from the confines of his boxers and before she could register the trepidation of not exactly knowing what to do next, she just swallowed him. Edward threw his head back and struggled to keep his balance as Bella gave him the kind of blowjob he'd only dreamed about. He knew Bella was an amateur, but she clearly had natural skill. He was so worked up already that it was only about sixty seconds later that he came, and Bella swallowed quickly.

He immediately, through the haze of post-orgasmic bliss, realized his error. He hadn't warned her of his imminent release and given her a choice. He felt guilty but when she gave him a self-congratulatory smirk he knew she wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Bella…you're a fucking animal. I can't wait until tomorrow. In the meantime…" he trailed off as he began to trace his finger down her chest, but Bella stopped him.

"Let's get back inside. You can pay me back tomorrow." Edward managed to tuck himself back into his shorts and pulled his sopping wet and muddy shirt back over his head. Bella laughed at his appearance, so Edward playfully hoisted her over his shoulder and ran to the nearest mud puddle. He lowered her gently into the soft wet dirt but he made sure she was covered. The young couple rolled around until they were beyond recognition, and they laughed until Bella shouted that she might pee on herself.

Esme smiled indulgently at the mud-soaked pair and handed them towels as they entered. Bella wrapped the towel around her body before running towards the stairs.

"I'm using _your_ shower, Edward!" she called over her shoulder.

Edward shouted and started to run after her. Esme followed and stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Don't you dare get into that shower with her, Edward Anthony!"

Esme tried to put force behind her warning, but it was hard for her to when she was so goddamn happy. She didn't want Edward and Bella to move too quickly physically, but quelling their genuine joy was something she couldn't fathom. She trusted them, even if she shouldn't.

She remembered how it felt to be desperately in love with Carlisle, too young to do anything about it, and attracted to him like no other. She and Carlisle made a lot of 'bad' decisions, but she didn't regret a single one. She knew if she could go back, she'd do the same damn things again.

Bella couldn't help but feel smug as she scrubbed her body clean with Edward's body wash. She wanted to be embarrassed over her little performance outside but she wasn't. She wanted Edward so badly it hurt, and she was ready. She wished that she could step out of the shower and take him right then, but she could wait. Twenty-four hours wouldn't kill her.

"I brought up your bag. I didn't know what you'd want to change into, so I just brought it all," Edward's voice said on the other side of the shower curtain. Having him so close when she was naked was too tempting.

"Thanks. Um…would you mind giving me a few minutes to myself?"

"You all right, Bella? You're not…do you regret…um," Edward said uncertainly.

"No! Not at all. It's just hard having you so close. I just…I need to wait until tomorrow and you're not helping my resolve here."

"Ah…I'm just too desirable. I understand. I'm used to my appeal. Okay, I'll leave you alone then."

"Edward!"

"Yeah?" Bella could tell by the rush of cold air that he'd opened the bathroom door, but she had a question that needed to be answered.

"So…out there…I was good? I mean…it was good?"

"Shit. Good isn't even close. That was…I've never…there's not a word for that. It was like…stupendous times a thousand."

"Really?" Bella grinned into the spray of the shower.

"I swear."

The door shut and Bella held back a squeal. She was nervous about how she stacked up against the other girls Edward had been with, but she knew he'd love her regardless. Maybe she was naïve, but she truly thought that their connection would only make sex more enjoyable. She hadn't had sex without love, but she knew it would only deepen their enjoyment. Bella was ready to become one with him, literally. She just had to find it in her to wait.

Bella finished her shower and got dressed before exiting. Edward groaned at the sight of her hair dripping onto her bare shoulders, exposed by the tank top she'd put on. He hurried into the shower before he could focus on her for too long. Bella gasped as he stripped in front of her before disappearing behind the shower curtain. She felt guilty for abusing Esme's trust, so she left the confines of his bathroom and headed downstairs to help Esme with dinner.

Edward eventually tromped down to the kitchen, talking to his mother and Bella while they cooked. He stayed behind them, so Bella didn't see the mark she left on him. In fact, no one saw it until Carlisle, Alice and Jasper were filling their plates at the dining room table. Bella was next to Edward, and since she didn't have a good angle, she failed to see it.

Bella noticed Esme was averting her eyes and holding back giggles, but before she could inquire as to the reason, she heard Carlisle let out a guffaw and her eyes shot to him. She had no idea what was going on. She looked across the table to see Alice staring at Edward with her mouth dropped open. Even Jasper, though still stone-faced, had a spark of amusement in his black eyes. Edward chewed happily, not noticing the circus that family dinner turned into.

Alice finally found her voice and screeched loudly, "What the hell _is_ that?"

Esme snorted and Edward finally looked up, perplexed. He searched the face of his family members before turning to Bella. "What?"

As soon as he turned fully towards her, Bella's eyes were immediately drawn to the silver dollar sized hickey covering the front of his throat. The spot was deep purple in the center and rimmed in a brutal looking red. Her face flamed hotter than she'd ever felt it and her eyes grew wide. Her hand went to her mouth to hold in the squeal that built in her belly. She wanted to die. She wanted a hole to open up and swallow her. She wanted a lightning bolt to shoot from the sky. She wanted to turn invisible.

She _really_ wanted Edward's family to stop laughing and pointing like idiots.

Edward saw where Bella's eyes were fixed, and he suddenly realized why everyone would be so interested in his throat. He reached a finger to his adam's apple and winced. It was extremely tender. As he replayed Bella's ministrations, he knew that not only would it be a dark spot, but it was probably huge. Bella's entire mouth had been open and sucking on his throat. He considered being embarrassed but the entire thing was far too comical, now. He bit his lip to keep from laughing and saw that Bella's eyes narrowed in rage.

"Did you not SEE that THING when you got out of the SHOWER?!" Bella's voice rose into octaves he didn't think she could hit and he didn't remember a time that anyone yelled that loudly at the dinner table.

"I'm sorry, I didn't look in the mirror! I'm sorry," he said, but it wasn't believable through his laughter. Bella picked up her cloth napkin and began swatting at his face with it. Edward held his hands up in self-defense as the entire table broke out in new round of laughter. Bella suddenly felt solidarity with Jasper, as he was the only one not laughing at her.

"Oh my God, that thing is massive! Were you trying to eat him, Bella?" Carlisle asked between his girlish giggles.

"Surely it was just his esophagus she was after," Esme replied. The traitor.

"Whoa, Bella. I'm surprised! Isn't that shocking, Jasper?" Alice turned to watch her boyfriend as his eyes flitted to Bella then back to Edward. He said nothing, and made no other movements, but Alice was satisfied with his response.

"Bella, babe, it's fine, I promise, we're not laughing at you," Edward began. His words only managed to incite Bella's ire further.

"Yes, you are too laughing at me! I can't believe you would do – that you would let – that you – you – I'm mortified!" Edward finally sobered up as he saw that Bella genuinely was mortified. If her face got any redder he'd worry she'd need mouth-to-mouth.

"I'm sorry, love, I promise. I didn't mean to laugh at you. You don't need to be embarrassed. No one cares, see?" Edward motioned to his family members, who thankfully were attempting to eat, though still with amused faces. "It's all right."

Bella settled down for a moment before placing her napkin back into her lap. Edward tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled away. He sighed regretfully, wishing he'd just held back his laughter. He rubbed at his throat again, realizing that it was actually sort of sore. Bella must've worked really hard.

Esme launched into a story about how Carlisle left a gigantic hickey on her neck once and she had to wear turtlenecks and scarves for two weeks until it healed. Bella tried to listen, and tried to feel reassured that it was okay, but she'd never felt more exposed before. The one time she gave in, the one time she did something a bit out of character, and it's written plainly for the world to see. _Damn Edward! Why couldn't he have just looked in the goddamn mirror?!_

Bella pushed the food around her plate for the rest of dinner. She couldn't eat anything due to her stomach being in knots. She was thankful her hair was down so she could hide for a little while. As soon as everyone was finished, she shot out of her chair and collected plates to take to the kitchen sink. By the time Carlisle walked in, Bella already had water running in the sink and was scrubbing at a dish.

"Bella, you don't need to wash them by hand. Just put them in the dishwasher," he told her gently. Bella didn't respond, and she didn't falter in her motions. Carlisle placed a fatherly hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry we embarrassed you. Truly, it's not that big of a deal."

Bella still didn't respond. Carlisle started to walk out of the kitchen before telling her quietly, "I'd understand if you never wanted to touch Edward again, but I don't think he could bear it."

Bella tried not to smile at his statement, and failed. Thankfully Carlisle couldn't see her, so she continued scrubbing dishes like he hadn't amused her. Silently Alice and Jasper brought their plates into the kitchen and stepped away. Bella was grateful for that. Esme walked in and wanted to stop her from washing all of the dishes, or scrubbing until her hands were raw, but she didn't. She understood that Bella was too embarrassed to face them, and she needed a way to work out her frustration. She gave Bella a gentle squeeze and followed Carlisle to the living room.

Edward walked up to Bella with a contrite smile in place. She didn't look up at him so he began rinsing the dishes for her, and placing them in the rack. Bella worked quietly, never looking at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I promise. I wish I'd seen it before dinner, and I wish I hadn't laughed. I know you can't see it from this perspective yet, but it really is kinda humorous. I want you to know that no one thinks badly of you or anything. I'm sorry," he said. Bella's eyes stayed fixed on the faucet, and Edward was unable to hold back his own frustration. He grabbed her chin and turned her face towards him. She didn't meet his eyes at first, but had no choice. The only other option was the blinding hickey on his throat, and she couldn't stand the sight of it.

"Please, don't let this get to you. I'm sorry you're embarrassed," he said again. She huffed and finally spoke.

"It's a fucking monstrosity! I feel like an idiot!"

"No, don't say that. I don't care what it looks like. I'm not sorry you did it."

"Well I am."

"No. Don't be sorry," he said, lowering his voice as he stepped closer to her. "I'm glad you did it. It's good for me to see that side of you. I like knowing you want me like I want you."

His lips brushed against her ear as he whispered to her, and she couldn't help but shiver.

"I get that you're freaked out. And…I'll understand if you want to, er, reschedule our plans for tomorrow. It's fine. I'd rather you be comfortable."

"No, I still want tomorrow. I'm just…I just need a little time so I can actually look your parents in the eye again. I feel kinda…slutty."

"You are the farthest from slutty possible! You know that. If you want, I'll give you a big hickey on your throat. Will that help?"

Bella smiled and pulled back to look up at Edward. She could see that he really was sorry. She knew he wasn't making fun of her, but her humiliation was blinding her at dinner. She just didn't want to face the rest of the Cullens yet.

"No, you don't have to give me a big hickey. Can we grab some blankets and sit on the deck?"

"Of course," Edward said as he pushed her hair behind her ear. He went to the living room and told his parents where he and Bella would be. They slipped outside with two afghans and cuddled together in one chair. The summer nights were still chilly, and a breeze rolled in that made the tip of Bella's nose turn pink.

Edward made it his personal mission to keep it warm, so he kissed her deeply before placing light pecks on her nose. He nuzzled his cheek onto her soft lips, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face there and took a few deep breaths. Smelling Edward helped ground her and she felt herself finally starting to relax.

The door from the kitchen opened and Esme walked out with two mugs of hot chocolate. "I know it's summertime, but hot chocolate is good year round, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it is." Esme beamed at Bella's response and smiled widely at her. She reminded them that they should try to get to bed early since they would be driving for a while the next day. Bella felt a thrill run through her as she thought about what would be happening the next day, hopefully.

Bella sipped her hot chocolate in silence. Edward was quiet as well, but she could tell that he was getting pretty excited over their time alone the next day. She was finally going to have completely uninterrupted time with Edward, unsupervised, all day, in her room. In her bed. She hoped they never got out of it.

Edward and Bella woke the next morning early enough to continue with their façade. She felt guilty about lying to Rose and Esme both, but not enough to stop. Edward took small bag of snacks 'for the road,' and the two were on their way. They arrived at Bella's house before ten, and she wasn't sure if they should head straight upstairs or not. Edward noticed her hesitance, so he suggested they cuddle on the couch with a movie first.

Bella could barely concentrate on what they were watching. Her heart kept pounding so loudly she was sure Edward could hear it. She snuggled into his body tighter, his chest pressed firmly to her back. Edward's hand eventually started to misbehave and traced a path from her hip to her shoulder, first over, then under her shirt. Bella started to pant when he cupped her breast and kissed her neck. His leg came up and crossed over hers, pulling her firmly against his ever-hardening erection. He drowned in her scent and her sounds for a few moments, coming to the surface as he realized they were both still fully clothed, and a comfy bed awaited them upstairs.

Edward whispered the word to her and she nodded. They moved at a lightning pace, with Edward picking her up and carrying her the last ten feet. Once they reached her room, he shut the door, out of habit. He laid her down on her unmade bed and just looking at her hair splayed out and wild across her sheets was enough to make him groan. He hoped to never forget the way she looked at that moment.

Edward disposed of his shirt quickly before plucking Bella's shirt from her body. He unclasped her bra without really appreciating it, and as soon as he saw Bella shirtless against her sheets with her wild hair, he realized that _this_ was the mental image he didn't want to forget. He dropped his shorts and pulled Bella's down her smooth legs, but they left their underwear on. Edward lowered himself over Bella and the feel of their bare chests pressing together started a frenzy. Bella's hands grabbed everywhere, his hair, his chest, his shoulders, his butt, his legs, his neck. Edward hands traced her lines and he committed each one to memory.

They kissed passionately, alternating deep thrusts of their tongues with peppering kisses across the other's body. Edward's lips didn't deny themselves an inch of Bella's skin. He pulled her panties off of her and spread her legs, and with no preamble he dove into her. The feel and taste exploded in his mouth and he shut his eyes to prevent sensory overload. He worked hard to make her feel as good as she made him feel the day before. Bella's nails dug into his hair, then her sheets, then his hair again, and she unraveled against his tongue. He kissed and licked up her body, and since she wasn't in any condition to stop him, he sucked greedily at the base of her throat, knowing he was marking her back.

Bella panted as she came down from her high, and she wanted more. She pulled Edward to her and loved him, stroked him, held him, pushed and pulled him until they couldn't wait any longer. She pushed his boxers down with her toes and felt him against her stomach. He was so close to where she wanted him and her hips arched of their own volition to meet him. She heard the wrapper being torn and she tried to be patient. She opened her eyes and watched him roll the condom on, wishing they didn't need it and loving the way it made her feel to watch him touch himself even then. Her eyelids felt heavy and as she looked at him with the daylight silhouetting his frame, he looked like a dark angel, passionate and shaded with light glowing around him. She didn't want to wait another second.

She knew it would hurt, and Edward prepped her as best he could. He finally pushed in and they were joined and she felt burnburnburn but then the pain eased and the elation soared and she was one with him and they moved in unison. He was in and around her and she surrounded him and in the sunlight, with her blinds wide open, she gave everything she could to him, and took in return. It didn't last that long by a stopwatch's standards but the moments they shared felt endless, like they'd always been together like that and they always would be. They finished and panted and collapsed and held and kissed and whispered and loved and adored and worshipped. Bella had never felt so cherished and filled before.

Edward had never felt so vulnerable and accepted. Bella loved him for who he was, who he'd been, who he could be. He tried not to cry, but his eyes were stinging from the emotion of the their union. He wanted to be inside of her forever. He swore he'd never forget the feel of her sweaty body sliding along with his. He swore he'd always remember the way her hair stuck to her forehead. He would revisit the moment when their eyes locked and said 'I love you' silently. Edward felt like he had a religious experience as he finally filled her, and they were complete.

Bella saw the single tear run down his cheek and wiped it away.

"Hey," she said softly. He looked at her and smiled.

"Hey," he replied. Nothing else could be said aloud that their bodies didn't say already.

Their teenage libidos enabled them to utilize the garden tub in the master bath, and Bella's bed, three more times that day. Each time was different than the last, both better and not as great as the first time. Bella knew that her first time, their first time, would never be topped or replicated, in a way. But she also knew that a little more experience and endurance would lead them to greener pastures, bluer skies and brighter sun. She stared at Edward's pale back, his muscled calves, his narrow feet, as they were swathed in her sheets. His hair was set aflame by the rare sunny day Forks graced them with, and she wished she could freeze the frame, and paint it or sculpt it or clone it so she could have it forever.

They showered together in the evening, making love slowly against the wall, for the last time for a few days. They drove in silence to the Cullen's home, holding hands, and when they entered she knew they were glowing. She hoped it wasn't too obvious to his parents, but Bella knew she couldn't extinguish her light, and she hoped Edward couldn't his. Edward told her good night at the guest room door, but he snuck back in just after midnight.

"Today was amazing, a dream. Heaven. The only downside was that I didn't get to hold you while you slept. Dream of me, my love. Our future," he whispered as he stroked her hair. She fell asleep to his voice and she dreamed that they danced in their meadow, like children, with flowers braided into her hair. Edward's smile was blinding.

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**I have two great rec's for you this weeks, both are totally different from each other, once again:**

**The Hood by Yogagal -- Stonerward and, well, Bella are just two crazy kids trying to make it work their senior year of high school -- pot, movies, good times.**

**And with Thee Fade Away by Derdriu oFaolain -- very interesting AU story following a vampy Britward and the tough Bella who isn't afraid of him -- look out for Russian Jasper, a psychotic Irish sire, and a murder mystery. Very compelling, and complete! **

**Follow me on Twitter: ginginleelee  
**

Pssst...you might want your big girl panties for next chapter...just sayin'....


	12. Chapter 12

**So, here it is...kind of a doozy chapter, but I hope you guys like it. We've only got three more to go after this one. Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed/favorited/alerted this story -- I appreciate you all taking the time to read this, and it makes me smile that you are enjoying the ride.**

**Anythingzombie and imahappymess beta'd this and helped make it work.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of these characters, unfortunately.**

**Song for chapter: Arcade Fire - "In the Backseat," Bright Eyes - "Poison Oak," Further Seems Forever "A New Desert Life"**

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Esme watched Edward and Bella closely that weekend. When they first came home from Seattle, Esme noticed something was different. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she saw something, especially in Bella's countenance. She studied the pair the next morning, as they sat holding hands at the island in the kitchen. They looked sweet and in love like they always did, but Bella seemed to glow.

It was that thought that had Esme choking on her glass of milk, leaving Alice to beat her on the back. While Edward and Bella acted like their usual selves, Esme could clearly see a deeper connection between the two. She swore when the sun shone through the window and bathed them in light that she could see the strings of sex binding them. The little ties were there now, floating between the two, with a little give, but no separation. Esme felt a little queasy, her mind aflutter with worries.

_Were they safe? Did Edward treat her well? Was Bella a virgin? Has he been tested? Has she been tested? What if she got pregnant?_

_Did they really go to Seattle?_

Esme decided to keep her mouth shut for the duration of the weekend. She would speak with Rose when she and Emmett returned, and they would make a decision about how to proceed. She also needed to speak to Carlisle, and see if he would be willing to talk to Edward about getting some blood work done.

Edward and Bella were oblivious to Esme's sleuthing. Edward's eyes rarely left Bella's form and her hand ached when it wasn't touching his. The day after they slept together, they went to their meadow. It was the first time they'd gone back since the incident with the screaming and forest decimating. They walked amongst their wildflowers and felt much older, but still the same. The meadow would always be theirs.

Edward chased Bella around the circular field and tackled her gently, rolling around with her until her hair was filled with flowers. Edward loved to watch his wild-haired girl swirl with the wind in their meadow. Her dress billowed and Edward knew he'd never seen a more beautiful sight. But then he reminded himself of Bella naked and splayed on white sheets and he declared a tie. Edward was suddenly struck by the urge to capture the image, but he had no camera at all, let alone with him. As his muse danced in the fading sunlight, he wanted nothing more than to preserve her for future generations; he wanted them to see true beauty.

Bella didn't regret making love to Edward at all. Every pore on her skin cried out for him, and she knew she couldn't have denied it much longer. She was young, she knew that, and they were probably ridiculously idealistic, but she didn't care. It was right, and she trusted her gut. Edward's hair was orange fire in the sunlight and his eyes were dark shadows beneath his brow. No matter how hard she tried to shake it from her brain, she couldn't forget the image of him as a dark angel, fallen from grace but still powerful and fantastical.

Edward considered kissing her harder and running his hands up her skirt, but he knew she was sore, though she was loath to admit it, and he wanted to wait until she felt better. Bella was surprised at the pain, not only from losing her virginity, but just from exercising muscles she didn't normally utilize. She took another bath at the Cullen's, soaking for nearly an hour until her muscles stopped screaming.

Esme was certain that Bella and Edward slept together as soon as she heard that Bella was going to soak in the garden tub for a while. Edward passed the bathroom door sporadically, stopping to listen for his love. Esme shooed him away several times before ordering him to go get the ingredients out for dinner. She knocked quietly on the bathroom door and asked Bella if she was all right.

"Yes, thank you. I'm just a little sore…from all the walking. I'll be out in a minute – I can help with dinner," Bella's voice said on the other side of the door.

On Sunday, Esme spoke quietly with Rose before pulling Bella out onto the back deck. Carlisle was home and had taken Edward to his study to discuss similar things with him. Bella looked worried as she bit her lip, her eyes dancing back and forth between Rose and Esme.

"Bella…I want to just be straight with you, and in return, I hope you feel comfortable enough to be honest with us, okay?" Esme waited for Bella to nod, and then she continued. "Bella. It's all right if you didn't go to Seattle. Did you and Edward do something else besides going to Seattle?"

Bella's heart began to beat quickly – she had been found out! She wasn't going to lie, but it was hard for her to admit out loud what happened between she and Edward. She shook her head and braced herself for the next question.

"Did you two…did you have sex?" Rose watched with a passive look on her face, but Bella could tell by her stiff posture that she wasn't relaxed. Bella looked at her feet and nodded while she felt all of the blood in her body pool in her face. She knew she probably looked like a tomato.

"Were you safe?"

Another nod.

"What form of protection did you use?"

Ah, not a 'yes' or 'no' question. Bella struggled to find her voice. "Condom."

"Are you on birth control?"

Bella shook her head.

"Bella, you can look up. Listen, I want you to know it's okay. Rose and I aren't mad, all right? We just want to make sure that you're ready for this. Both physically and mentally. Now, I know it's uncomfortable to talk about with us, but I need to ask…why did you have sex with Edward?"

Bella looked up abruptly, not entirely sure what Esme was asking. She racked her brain in silence before looking at Rose for clarity. Rose shifted, her expression softening in the maternal look that Bella recognized.

"Bella, did you sleep with Edward because you wanted to?" Bella nodded quickly. "Why did you want to?"

"Because I love him. I'm in love with him and I was ready. It was the right time. To me." Bella looked past the two women and into the trees, hoping her answer sufficed.

"Good. That's the only reason you should ever sleep with someone, all right? Now, I spoke with Rose, and I know that if you got a pelvic exam and went on birth control through your insurance, Renee would probably find out," Esme began to explain. Bella shook her head emphatically.

"No, no way, I'm not taking that risk."

"We don't want you to, dear. I was thinking that maybe Rose could take you to a clinic in Port Angeles, and I'll pay for it, out of pocket. It won't really be that expensive. I want you to be as prepared as you can be. You're like a daughter to me, Bella, and you can talk to me about anything, even if it has to do with my son. I'll just pretend I don't know who you're talking about."

"And you know you're like my little sister. You can always come to me, day or night. I promise, I'll do whatever I can to help you." Bella smiled widely at Rose, before her brow knit together.

"But, Esme, I can't let you pay for all of that doctor stuff, that's not right," Bella complained.

"Bella, honey, it won't cost that much. I swear it! I'll figure out some way for you to pay me back, if you insist."

Bella reluctantly agreed and the trio stood on the deck in an almost awkward silence.

"Have you talked to Edward, yet? Does he know you know?"

"No, but Carlisle's talking to him now. Edward needs to go to the hospital as well, for some tests," Esme told her. An alarm sounded in Bella's brain.

"What kind of tests?"

"Well…as you know, Edward had been with other girls…."

Bella winced, and Esme continued, "So it would be wise for him to have some blood work done, to be safe. It's extremely important."

Bella realized the danger she was in. If Edward had been sleeping with the easiest girls in Forks, who undoubtedly had been with several other guys, then he had a chance of having something. Bella was suddenly terrified that Edward could be sick or that he could've already passed something along to her. She listened to the rest of Esme's advice, and finally shuffled inside, preparing to leave with Rose.

Edward entered the kitchen just as Bella was about to go, looking properly chagrined. He approached Bella and pulled her to the side, out of earshot. He wrapped her up in a big hug, and bent to whisper in her ear.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I fucked up," he said.

"How? What happened?" Bella's brown eyes bounced left and right as they searched Edward's eyes.

"I should've gotten the damn tests before we slept together. I feel awful. I put you in danger, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to protect you, and I didn't. I'm going first thing tomorrow, okay? The results will take about a week, but then it'll be all clear. I love you, I'd never want to do anything to put you at risk."

"I know that Edward. I love you, too. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I promise."

Edward held her tighter, and as Rose cleared her throat, he finally loosed his grip. He whispered one last time in Bella's ear before she left.

"You are my life now."

Rose accompanied Bella to a Women's Clinic in Port Angeles that Thursday. Everything went well in the examination, though Bella didn't want to have to repeat the process anytime soon. She was put on birth control, and she worried she would forget to take her pill. Rose suggested that Bella set an alarm on her phone that would tell her to take it every day, since she always kept her phone on her. Edward's results came in the following Monday, and to their relief, everything was negative. Edward truly regretted sleeping with anyone else, with every fiber of his being.

The weeks of July passed quickly. Bella and Edward didn't have as many opportunities to spend time alone, but their enthusiasm made up for the lack of chances. Bella was discovering things she liked and didn't like, and ways to drive Edward crazy. She was glad that the spark she always felt between them intensified when they made love; it was proof that they were meant to be together.

Bella was floating in the clouds most of the time, but her anxiety levels were rising each day. Renee and Phil would be back soon, and she didn't know what that would mean for her and Edward's relationship. She couldn't decide if she should just be up front with Renee about Edward, or if she should try to sneak around, at least until she turned eighteen. Rose was strangely cryptic and uninvolved anytime Bella brought it up. She kept telling Bella to just wait and see, and to 'feel it out' when the time comes.

Rose didn't know what to expect out of Renee. After her impromptu visit, she stopped calling as much. Rose hoped that Renee was calming down, and that she would remember the suggestion that Bella move in with her. Rose never mentioned anything to Bella, afraid to get her hopes up for no reason, but she still readied her apartment, just in case.

The day arrived for Renee to return. Bella was a ball of nerves the entire day. Edward came over for breakfast, and tried to reassure her, but he himself struggled. He didn't know exactly when he was going to see Bella again. He didn't know when they'd have another date, or when they'd kiss or touch or make love again. He worried that somehow another year could pass, and they'd have to start over again.

He reminded himself that when Bella turned eighteen, he'd see her, no matter what. _Fuck Renee._

When Renee and Phil came in the door that evening, Bella plastered on a smile. Renee didn't look as cheery as she did the last time she came home, but she also wasn't somber or condescending. The couple seemed tired from their travels, so they went to bed early. Rose asked if Bella wanted her to stay another night, but Bella declined. She had to be mature about the situation. Bella slept horribly, and at around two in the morning, snuck into her closet and called Edward. Surprisingly he answered on the third ring.

"'lo?" his sleep heavy voice answered.

"Hey. I can't sleep."

"Ah, shit. Uh…how's it goin' with Renee?"

"I don't…I don't know, she wasn't bad when she got here, and then she and Phil went to bed early. I haven't really been around them."

"Well, that's good, I guess."

"Yeah."

They sat in companionable silence and Bella twisted locks of her now grown out hair around her fingers.

"I miss you, baby."

"God, I know."

"I hope I get to see you soon."

"Me too. I think…it depends on how Renee is acting tomorrow, but, I might tell her about us. I'd rather just get it out there. If she forbids me from seeing you then…we can wait six weeks, 'til I'm eighteen, right?"

"Of course I'll wait. I'd wait sixty years at this point. I have to have you."

Edward's breathy voice made Bella tingle all over. She imagined lying in her bed with Edward's arms around her instead of huddled in a ball in her closet. A loud crash caught her attention, and then she heard voices shouting.

"Hold on, I hear something," Bella told Edward quietly. She crept out of her closet silently and crawled towards the door. She could hear Renee screaming at Phil, but his voice was too muffled to make out.

"…not right! I won't…you're not her…something wrong with…why won't you…you don't listen!" Renee's words were broken up by the sounds of items hitting walls and other pieces of furniture. It sounded like Renee was trashing her room. Phil would interject with his wordless mumbles, but Renee only screamed louder in response. Suddenly the voices got louder as Renee opened the bedroom door, shouting back at Phil before bounding down the stairs.

"Think about it, fucker, think real hard!"

Phil slammed the door to their room, and Bella heard Renee slam the door in the kitchen downstairs. A second later, a car started, and Bella heard it peel out in the gravel drive. Bella forgot she was on the phone until Edward spoke again.

"Bella? What is it? What's going on?"

"Renee and Phil were fighting. She left, and he's in their room. She was screaming at him, but I couldn't tell what they were fighting about."

"Renee left, and Phil is still there? Lock your bedroom door."

"Edward –"

"I'm serious, you better lock that fucking door, all right? And I'm going to stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep. And you will text me the second you get up. And every twenty minutes after that."

"You're being ridiculous!" Bella hissed into the phone.

"No, I'm being smart. I won't let anything happen to you." Edward's hard voice let Bella know there was no arguing this subject. She let it go, lying down with her phone cradled to her ear, drifting off to the sound of Edward telling a story about them as children, playing in a creek.

When Bella woke, she listened intently, but she couldn't hear anything going on in the house. She texted Edward, as she was told, and tiptoed down the stairs. She decided to start breakfast, praying that Renee would be in a better mood this morning. Despite her nerves, she intended to tell her mother about her relationship with Edward. Bella felt a little older, a little more confident, after the summer, and even though she knew Renee could make her life hell, she was willing to try. She wanted the opportunity to stand up for herself, and for Edward. She needed to do it.

The bacon was sizzling in a pan as she turned to look out the window. She realized with a start that Renee's car was still gone. A chill ran up Bella's spine; for some reason, she felt intense fear at being alone in the house with him. She thought maybe Edward's insistence the night before was the culprit, but she couldn't shake the foreboding cloud that settled over her then. She glanced at the food on the stove and contemplated running upstairs for her phone to see if Rose could come over, but her hesitation was interrupted.

"Mmm, you makin' me breakfast, baby?" Phil's words were slurred, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath from five feet away. She turned back to the pan to flip the bacon, about to start pouring the pancake batter when Phil stepped closer to her. She tried to ignore him, hoping he would go away. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, and Bella couldn't help but shake.

"You scared'a me?" Bella chanced a look at Phil, noting his bloodshot eyes and that he was wobbling a little as he stood. She tried to calculate the probability of her getting away from him since he was drunk. Phil watched her reaction closely and put his other hand at her waist.

Phil had never touched Bella like that before, and Bella couldn't think quickly enough.

"Uh, um, I have a boyfriend, and he's on his way over. He won't like you touching me like this," Bella said, hoping her voice sounded strong.

Phil laughed, leaning further into her. "Oh really? Who's he?"

"Edward. Cullen."

"Carlisle's boy? Shit. He's a scrawny fuck."

Phil leaned in and started to smell Bella's neck. She leaned as far away from his as she could, but he had her pinned against the stove. She felt the heat and oil spattering from the skillet, but she couldn't get her hand to the right knob to turn it off. She could feel tiny burns on her chest as the oil ricocheted off of her, and the heat was beginning to prick her entire throat. Bella bit her lip to keep from crying out as her pain rose, and Phil had her trapped. Her breath sped, but she tried not to gasp in fear.

"I bet you're wild," Phil breathed in her ear. She felt his dry lips against the shell of her ear and she cringed. She couldn't pull away so she nudged the handle of the skillet until it tipped off of the burner, the edge hitting Phil's bare arm. He screeched and jumped back, giving Bella room to maneuver. Phil's eyes flashed with something she'd never seen in them before, and he lunged at her before she could get to the door. He grabbed her around the waist and shoved her against the table, forcing her to bend over.

He pushed himself into her and Bella could feel his erection against her. Tears formed and started to leak from the corners of her eyes as she started to beg.

"Please don't, don't. Phil, don't, please, don't do this. Don't don't don't do this. Don't," she cried. She felt Phil grab at the waistband of her pajamas. She cried out one more feeble, "No," but didn't know what else to do. Phil weighed twice what she did, and even drunk was strong and coordinated enough to hold her down with one hand. She wanted to resist him, hurt him, do anything. She wanted to find some resilience or backbone and be forceful enough to make him stop, but she couldn't. She was shaking like a leaf and on the verge of passing out from fright. As soon as Phil's hand started to drift beneath her clothes, the kitchen door opened and Renee entered. Bella could see immediately that her pupils were dilated.

Phil slowly pulled back, but he didn't act ashamed or guilty like Bella imagined he would. He smirked at Renee.

"Told you," was all he said. Renee's mouth formed a scowl as she shouted obscenities at her husband. Phil just laughed and sauntered out of the room.

Bella's entirely body was trembling. Her throat was still choked with tears, her head throbbing and her chest and neck were stinging with pain. Renee walked towards her slowly, taking in Bella's form.

"Mom," Bella said, seeking comfort, just this once, from the woman who created her, who shared her very DNA. But Renee stared blankly at her, showing no compassion or sympathy.

"Why do you keep doing this, Bella?"

"D-do what?"

"Why won't you let me be happy, hmm? I come home, happy, and within twelve hours I'm fighting with my husband, and then I come in to find him on you like that. You think I don't know what goes on when I'm not here? You think I don't know what you're doing?"

"I'm not, I swear, I didn't do anything, I told him to stop! I asked him to stop!" Fresh tears ran down Bella's face as her mother stood stone-faced, blaming her for making Phil nearly rape her.

"I just want to know one thing. Why don't you want me to be happy?"

"I do want you to –"

"No you don't! You don't, you motherfucking don't! You don't want me to have a life, you just want to hold me down and steal my future! You've taken everything from me! Since you were a child, you've always been selfish and cruel. How can you deny your own mother happiness? Just one little thing, I just want one thing that's mine, that makes me happy, but you crush everything! Fuck you, I wish I'd never had you, I wish you'd never ruined my life! You were a goddamn mistake, a curse, a burden."

Bella sobbed openly and held herself around the waist, trying to keep from passing out. The bacon was burning on the stove, and smoke filled the air rapidly. Renee coughed a few times before hastily turning the stove eye off.

"Look at me, Bella! I'm empty – you sucked the life right out of me. You're a fucking vampire! I never want to see you again."

Renee turned away from her then and walked around the small kitchen table so she wouldn't have to walk past her directly. Before she left the room entirely, she said quietly, "Get out of our house."

Bella's will shattered and she ran out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. Her legs propelled her faster than she'd ever run before. She only wore thin flip-flops on her feet, and pajamas, but she couldn't stop. Her phone was upstairs, so she couldn't call Edward or Rose or anyone. She had no car, so she had to go on foot. She ran as quickly as she could, trying to get as far away from her mother's house as possible.

The tears dried on her face as she ran, her eyes feeling strangely desiccated. Her nose was stuffed up so she breathed through her mouth. The warm summer air made the small burns on her throat sizzle and flare, but she couldn't stop. She didn't know for sure where Rose lived, so she only had one option. She had to get to Cullen's house. Her lungs contracted painfully as she ran past the threshold her body could handle. Her legs burned and turned to jelly, her stomach tightening in heaves until she lurched and threw up at her own feet. Every muscle in her body was tight and cramping as the weight of what happened crashed down on her.

Phil almost…thank God Renee came when she did. Bella didn't know if she could recover from something like that. He always made her uneasy, but she'd never seen him drink, and never had he been aggressive. She knew she hadn't done anything, but she couldn't help but wonder. And Renee…her eyes were cold, dead, hollow. She truly hated her daughter. She despised Bella so much as to think she would actually try to steal her happiness away. She didn't know if she could go back to that house, even if Renee apologized, or begged her to come back. She didn't care if the only judge in town tried to send her back, she wouldn't go. She'd rather stay in jail for the next six weeks.

Bella wasn't sure how many miles it was to the Cullen's, but judging from her surroundings, she thought she was about halfway. She tried to focus on her breathing so she wouldn't hyperventilate, and she had to stop and stretch to keep her calves from cramping. The sun was hidden behind the clouds, thankfully, and it wasn't raining. She had to thank God for small miracles.

Carlisle sat in his study, enjoying the rare day off. He had finally picked up a book he'd wanted to read, but as he cracked it open, he couldn't focus. His mind kept straying to his youngest son and his girlfriend.

His relationship with Edward had been strained over the past year and a half. Carlisle wasn't blind, he knew Edward was in love with Bella, but he also claimed that Phil and Renee were abusing her. Carlisle could see that the girl was shy, and a bit backward, but he didn't see any signs of abuse. Phil was a stand-up guy, so he refused to give any value to the accusations. Edward was furious with him, saying he was ignoring the situation, but Carlisle didn't think he was. It seemed like a cut and dry case of a teenager wanting to rebel against their parents' rules.

Carlisle was upset with Bella for a long time. He assumed she was telling Edward and Esme things about Phil, perhaps embellishing or outright lying for attention. He had a hard time being cordial with her when she first started coming around again, but he had to admit to himself, he was beginning to enjoy her company.

He saw her most nights during the week, either during or after dinner. He noticed that she did have some special about her – something that made everyone else in his family light up. Esme adored her, Emmett guarded her with his life, Alice thought she hung the moon, and Edward would probably kiss her feet at every opportunity if she'd let him. Carlisle got used to her being around, and the more he saw and heard firsthand, the more he realized what a genuine person she was. She seemed honest, a little bashful, but also stubborn. She didn't want attention or to be doted on. She just wanted to be with the people she loved.

Carlisle hadn't really considered any of the allegations Edward or his wife made, but he couldn't deny that the thought flitted through his mind at times. He knew Renee wasn't the most stable woman, but he though that Phil was good for her. He pondered perhaps taking a closer look at the situation, but didn't know what to do exactly. As a doctor, he had a responsibility to look into any suspicions, but he hated imagining his friend capable of such things.

He was brought from his reverie by an ear-splitting shriek. He jumped immediately from his chair and ran down the hallway and down the stairs, jumping the last four to land with a thud at the bottom. Alice was standing near the foyer, her hands at her face, screaming at the top of her lungs. A bewildered Emmett ran out of his room and thundered downstairs, just as Esme came in from the back deck with a panicked expression.

Carlisle could hear his son before he saw him. Edward's voice was high-pitched with stress and worry, questions pouring from his mouth and running together. Carlisle walked towards him and saw that he was bent over, holding something in his arms. The front door was wide open. As he stepped closer he saw the top of Bella's head as Edward cradled her. Bella was wearing sweatpants and a tank top, her hair pulled up messily, her skin coated with sweat. Carlisle couldn't see her face, but Edward's anxiety was enough to let him know that whatever it was, it wasn't good. He managed to get around to the other side of Edward as he kept asking Bella questions amidst his "I love you's" and "I'm sorry's".

Immediately Carlisle saw the blisters covering the expanse of her chest and throat. He could see a bruise on her wrist, in the shape of what looked like fingers clutching it. She didn't seem injured beyond that, but when he saw her face, he couldn't hold back the gasp that bubbled up. Bella's eyes were empty, glazed over, her face stained with tears that were no longer falling. Her lips were turning purple, despite the flush of her skin, and she wasn't responding to Edward.

"Alice, Alice, what happened?" His daughter was still staring at Bella, but her shrieks had finally died as Emmett held her. Alice looked up at her father, distraught and frightened, and shook her head.

"I-I don't know, Dad. The doorbell rang and Edward and I raced to get it, and when he opened the door Bella just stood there and she didn't say anything or move, but when Edward reached for her she just collapsed. I-is she okay? Is she going to be okay?" Alice's bottom lip quivered and two tears escaped and trailed down her cheeks. Carlisle heard Esme's quiet sobs, and saw that his wife was also shaking and trying to hold herself together.

"Emmett, call the hospital, tell them I'm coming in with a patient. Edward and I will go in my car with her, and you two will go with Emmett, all right?" His family nodded numbly at him, and he heard Emmett speaking quickly to the hospital.

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder, shaking him gently. Edward wasn't responding either, clearly in shock. "Son, we have to get Bella to the hospital. Can you carry her?"

Edward didn't move so Carlisle tried again. "She needs to get to a hospital, and you have to carry her to the car. Don't waste precious time, Edward. This is Bella, we need to help her."

Edward's eyes focused and snapped to his fathers. He nodded and stood, lifting Bella as he went. Edward thankfully had shoes on already, so Carlisle grabbed his keys and darted to his Mercedes. Edward slid into the back seat, gently lying Bella back across his lap. He stared at her and whispered his apologies some more. Halfway to the hospital, Bella began to wail. Carlisle tried to make out what she was saying, but he couldn't understand anything. Tears streamed down her face and she tried to reach up and touch the burnt skin of her throat. Edward had the forethought to stop her before she could touch it, and he tried asking her questions.

"What happened, baby? What happened?" He stoked her hair softly, and Bella's whimpers lessened.

"Phil," she said, and her hand moved down to her waist. Edward watched her movement in horror, registering what she was trying to say. He wanted to shout and rip the stuffing from the car seats but he needed to remain calm.

"Did he rape you?" Edward's voice was quiet and cold as ice. Carlisle looked up in his rearview mirror, baffled that Edward would jump to that, and even more terrified that it was true.

"He was go-going to b-but Ren…" Bella trailed off, her eyes rolling back into her head. Edward shouted her name, but she didn't wake up. Carlisle shouted at him from the front seat, and as Edward checked her pulse and her breathing, he could tell that everything was working properly. They were almost to the hospital, and even though Edward was afraid, he had to know. He gingerly lifted the edge of Bella's tank top and pushed the top of her sweatpants down. On Bella's right hip, Edward could see a handprint already bruising.

"Motherfucker! Fuck! I should've been there!" Not wanting to smash his fist into the back of his father's seat as he's driving, Edward settled for hitting the back of the seat next to him three times.

"What, what is it?"

"Bella called me in the middle of the night and Phil and Renee were fighting. Renee left, and I told Bella to lock her door and make sure to stay away from Phil, but I should've…I should've gone over there and protected her, or brought her back to our house, or anything else. I shouldn't have let her stay there," Edward lamented.

"Son, you couldn't know. There's no way you could've known what would –"

"But I knew that it could! If there's anything – if she –"

"Edward, you have to stay calm, okay? Let's get Bella inside and we'll find out what happened."

Edward looked up, not realizing they'd reached the ER entrance. Carlisle jumped out of the car and opened the door so Edward could get out while holding Bella. Carlisle tossed his keys to an orderly and told him to park it. He needed to take care of Bella now – he had to save her. If Phil really did do this, it was up to him to fix it, or his son might never forgive him.

Edward sat in the waiting room, his leg jiggling rapidly. He had paced for the first hour they were at the hospital until Emmett and Rose both yelled at him to stop. Emmett thankfully thought to call Rose on their way in. Rose was taking the blame as much as Edward was. She insisted that if she'd only stayed this wouldn't have happened. Edward didn't have all the pieces to fit together yet, but he knew at that moment that he could kill Phil with his bare hands if he saw him.

Carlisle finally emerged and Edward ran up to him. "Dad?" His father barely acknowledged the endearment, but he felt his heart swell to hear Edward call him that again.

"Bella's all right. She's awake. She's got first and second degree burns, so she's got a lot of bandages on her chest and neck. She's pretty overwhelmed, so I don't think it's a good idea for everyone to go in right away. She's asking for you, Edward." Carlisle clapped his son on the shoulder and led him down the hallway.

"Dad?" Edward stopped walking, the expression on his face tormented as he looked in his father's eyes. "Was she…did he…."

"No, no he didn't." Edward was relieved, but still fretful over what else transpired. He knew he wouldn't be able to shake the image of her standing at his door, melting skin on her chest, brown eyes vacant – it was the most chilling thing he'd ever seen.

He reached her room and walked in to find her sitting up, staring at her hands. He couldn't stop himself from rushing towards her and wrapping an arm around her carefully.

"God, babe, I was so worried. Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I-I'm scared. I don't know," Bella said as her voice cracked.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was cooking breakfast and Phil came downstairs, drunk. He was saying stuff to me and he grabbed my wrist and had me pinned against the stove. I couldn't get away, but he kept leaning in and the oil and heat from the skillet burned me," Bella said quickly, almost under her breath. Edward tensed as he imagined his Bella being held against her will. "And I tried to get away, I promise."

"I believe you, babe," Edward said as he pushed her hair out of her face.

"And then…h-he pushed me down against the table…like…bent over," she said as she flushed, and Edward's hand clenched into a fist. "And he started to grab at my pants but Renee came in then, so he didn't get to do anything."

"What'd Renee do?"

"She yelled at him, but then she started yelling at me. She kept saying it was my fault and that I wouldn't let her have a life. She said that I'm selfish and she wished I'd never been born. That I don't want her to be happy so I just take everything from her."

Edward froze as he took in the hateful words Renee said. How a mother could say those things to her own child was beyond him.

"Am I really that selfish? I don't mean to be," she whispered. He saw her chin tremble and he leaned down and kissed it. He kissed both of her cheeks, her nose and her lips.

"Bella, you're one of the most selfless people I know. Your mother isn't…she's not right in the head. And she's taken a lot of drugs over the years. She blamed you because she was embarrassed and angry at Phil. It's not your fault. Don't ever think that, okay?"

Bella nodded, but didn't look convinced. Edward held her, sending up silent prayers, thanking God over and over for keeping his girl alive. Edward had a question on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't know if he should ask it. He warred with himself until he gave in.

"Bella…are you going to press charges?"

Her eyes lifted to his, digging deeply into his, the brown burrowing into his green. He wanted to crush her to his chest and somehow push her inside of his body so they would always be together, and he could always protect her. He never wanted to let her out of his sight. Bella watched him as he waited patiently.

"I don't know. I don't know if I can."

"You have to. This isn't something you can just ignore until it goes away. Phil needs to be punished for what he's done to you, and Renee needs some serious help. Please, think about it."

Bella nodded. "I will. I can't go back there. Renee told me she never wanted to see me again, but even if she hadn't, I couldn't go back. I'll never step foot on that property again."

Edward saw the determination blaze in her eyes and he knew she meant it.

* * *

......Well.....

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	13. Chapter 13

**Hello world! Thanks to all of my readers out there, you guys make me smile! I appreciate all of your reviews, and I managed to snag a crazy amount of Story Alert/Favorite's this week, so I'm very happy about that!**

**My betas, anythingzombie and imahappymess helped me clean this baby up. **

**Song rec's: Tegan and Sara - "Nineteen," and "My Number"**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**.

* * *

Edward stayed with Bella by himself for another half an hour. He eventually let go of her to go get Rose. She felt just as responsible for what happened as he did, and he knew that Bella could use her support as well. Edward worried that Bella would let Renee's poisonous words sink into her skin, settle in her veins and unleash it's venom in her body. Bella had grown so much over the summer, away from Renee, and he knew she thrived with freedom. But he also knew she was still weak, too beaten down from years of emotional abuse to be fully bloomed. Renee had made sure Bella never thought too much of herself, and he feared she would find a way to take the blame for this.

He also feared the Phil and Renee would never pay for what they did. He vowed to ensure that bastard Phil never touched another girl – even if Edward had to rip Phil's hands from their sockets himself.

Edward found his way back to the waiting room, and his family looked up with expectant faces.

"Rose, you wanna go see her?" Edward wasn't ready to offer any more information yet. Rose nodded and stood quickly, making her way down the hall, muttering the room number to herself.

Esme attempted to hug Edward, but he couldn't accept it. He felt something just underneath his skin, and if he wasn't careful, it was going to simmer until he exploded, and he didn't want his family to witness that. He'd never had much of a temper, but at the moment he felt almost insane with fury. He was drunk on it. He was angry to distraction, but at the same time, acutely aware of every nerve ending in his body. He could feel his pupils, he swore, constrict to pinpricks, hungry for revenge. His retinas felt like they may detach at any moment, and his brain felt like it was lighting up with each thought. He looked down at his hands, watching them fist and flex and he knew he could bring pain with them. They could cause destruction; they were weapons. With a grunt he turned and stormed to the stairwell, running down as quickly as he could.

He exited out of the ER doors and turned the corner. There was nothing on this side of the building, but in his need for some kind of outlet he started running, dizzy and spinning. His shoulder slammed into the wall and he bounced off like a pinball and continued until he reached the back of the building. There was another small entrance, but no one was around. He saw a stray wheelchair sitting at the edge of the parking lot, probably discarded by an obstinate patient.

Suddenly he was standing over the broken heap of metal, unable to recollect what happened. His foot was throbbing and the wheel chair was bent and unusable. His hands shook, but he couldn't tell if it was from exertion or his nerves. His pulse was still thrumming, building out a rhythm until he could hear a chorus.

_Maim, kill, beat, destroy, torture. Maim or kill or hurt or stun or strangle or tear limbs from bones or veins from hearts and squeeze and bleed or pull or torture and screams will fall out._

Edward was lost in his own mania. His eyes were blinded by dark then bright light until he was disoriented. He needed more, needed to feel more or hurt more so he picked up the remains of the wheelchair and hurled them at a small sign posting the speed limit. The sign shook, but didn't fall, but the clanging of metal on metal satisfied him. He moved closer and picked up the wheelchair, beating it against the sign until the cacophony drowned out his own thoughts.

When he came back to himself, he was yards away from the wheelchair, with arms clutching him from behind. He struggled against the cage, suddenly claustrophobic. He wanted to turn and beat and harm but then his ears returned and he could hear the voice behind him.

"Calm down, just breathe, Edward, breathe. Calm down, son," his father said in his ear. Edward visibly relaxed, his body slumping forward, from both exhaustion and defeat. His knees shook and gave out and Carlisle followed him to the ground.

Edward's breaths were shuddering and it was when he saw the droplets traveling to the ground that he realized he was crying. All of his extremities seemed to decide to say 'hello' and he felt the stinging in his palms. He opened his hands and saw they were red and marked, throbbing from the reverberating metal he had clutched moments before. He finally felt well enough to turn to his father, and he saw that Emmett was also standing behind them. He didn't know for sure how long he had been outside, but the looks on their faces alerted him to the severity of his actions. His thirst for pain was quenched, but the ache in his heart and the nausea in his stomach hadn't subsided. He didn't want to be eaten up with guilt, but he knew that's where he was headed.

As the haze cleared, he realized Carlisle was still speaking.

"I'm sorry, I should've listened. I wish I…there were so many…times…and Esme said…I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know…I'll never forgive myself," he lamented.

Edward watched the sorrow and blame creep up and shadow his father's eyes, making them look like stormy seas and something stabbed in his gut.

"Dad…."

Carlisle met Edward's eyes and the two spoke apologies and forgiveness in that moment, though both knew that resentment and bitterness would appear down the road. Edward forgave his father then, but he was sure that he would remember Carlisle's doubt and disparaging comments towards Bella and never fully let go. Bella was lying in a hospital bed, burned and covered in another man's handprints and his father should've just listened…but he didn't want to go down that path yet. Right now he wanted his dad, he wanted comfort and words of concern. He wanted the dad that held him on his lap and hugged him when his pet turtle died. He wanted the dad that kissed his boo-boos, and he didn't care if that made him a pussy. He needed his dad.

Carlisle embraced him, both still haunted by coulda-woulda-shoulda's. Emmett's level gaze was not serene, nor comforting. Edward knew better than to be afraid of his brother, but he was still unsettled. Carlisle took one look at his eldest son and knew what he was thinking.

"Emmett, no. We'll let the police take care of this. I won't…I'll do everything in my power to make sure that Phil pays for this, okay? I promise."

The father looked at his two sons and they agreed. The three men slowly meandered back into the hospital, each carrying new weight, unsure of what was to come.

Bella had never seen Rose cry before. She wanted to comfort her, but didn't know what to do, or what to say. Rose kept blubbering, but she couldn't quite make out what she was saying. Bella held her hand tightly, stroking the top of it with her thumb, and eventually Rose calmed enough to enunciate.

"I was…I was raped, when I was eighteen, by my boyfriend," Rose revealed quietly. Bella's voice caught in her throat and she watched the ghosts pass over Rose's clear eyes. "He was drunk, and I couldn't stop him. I left home then, came out here. The only other person I told was a counselor at college. It was free."

Bella waited for Rose to meet her gaze, and the two friends, almost sisters, shared a contemplative second. They saw the other's fear and guilt and shame, but Bella saw in Rose a determination she hoped to one day possess. She wanted to be as strong and as good as Rose, despite her mother and Phil, despite everything that had happened. She wanted more than anything to follow in Rose's footsteps, to turn into a caring, wonderful, fierce woman.

"I'm sorry I went home."

Bella shook her head, still unable to speak about Rose's revelation. She didn't want Rose to carry the burden of guilt around; she wanted those who loved her to know it wasn't their fault. _It's not your fault, either._

She wanted to believe that voice in her head, but she wasn't ready. They were quiet for a few moments more, and then Esme peeked her head in. Bella smiled a tiny smile and Esme's eyes filled with tears.

"Esme, don't," Bella whisper-wished.

"My baby," Esme answered, walking steadily forward until she reached Bella's other hand and held it up to her mouth, kissing Bella's tiny knuckles, cradling the soft skin, and weeping. Esme knew the love one could have for a daughter – Alice was her light, her sun, but Bella was more than just a family friend, or her son's girlfriend. Bella was a shooting star or Aurora Borealis or something else ethereal and magical, not always visible but waiting in the dark to shine and show itself. She wished she could suck the pain Bella has had to live with and take it upon herself. She was strong, a mother, she could take it. She would carry the mantle if she could.

"I could…I might…" Esme trailed off.

Bella watched as Esme's jaw clenched, reminiscent of Edward's though she would've thought he got it from his birth mother.

"I would castrate him with my own hands, if I could, and Renee –" Esme's words were cut off with a sharp breath. She shook her head as though trying to shake the very fantasy from her brain. Bella was stunned at the violence playing across Esme's face. She didn't know that she was worth such devotion and protection, but she was grateful for it.

"Bella, will you stay with us? We'll figure out a way to get your clothes and everything," Esme said.

"Actually…I can get her things from Renee's, but um…I've been getting my apartment ready, because I was thinking…hoping, really, that Bella could move in with me. I got a bed already, and a small dresser. The furniture is consignment, but it's in good shape, and I won't be terribly busy with school in the fall," Rose said shyly, as though expecting Bella to turn her down.

"Rose? Really?" Bella's eyes were wide. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized all that Rose was doing for her. She didn't know what to say, but she knew she had to accept. Rose nodded and Bella smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you! I'm…this will be…I can go to school with Edward, and I…I can get my driver's license, and get a job maybe? I can…thank you," she said simply.

"Great! Great. This will work out perfectly. Um, if you want to stay at the Cullen's tonight, that would be good. I'll get all of your stuff tomorrow."

"Rose, are you sure that's a good idea?" Esme looked concerned.

"I'll take Emmett with me. I'm sure he'd love to play bodyguard for a little while," she said with a smirk. The door opened and Alice looked in, exasperated.

"Can I come in _now_?"

Bella nodded and welcomed her friend in, but Alice's face quickly turned to one of pain and fear. She walked to the foot of Bella's bed and placed a hand on her shin.

"Bella…I've never been so scared. You looked so freaky and it was so scary. And then Edward was crying and I screamed and I hope I never see anything like that again," Alice said quickly, in her thirteen-year old wisdom. "Are you okay?"

"I will be," Bella said. Alice watched her with a sadness Bella hated to see. "And, guess what. I'm moving in with Rose!"

Alice's eyes lit up. "Oooh can I come stay with you guys? Like an adult slumber party, kinda?"

Everyone laughed and Bella was again thankful for the people in her life that loved her, and would protect her.

Eventually, the Cullen men managed to get back to Bella's room. The girls clustered around her bed, and while all three males tried to act normal, they were failing miserably.

Carlisle couldn't look at Bella without wincing, due to his own guilt. Emmett wanted to say something crude or be boisterous or just grab Bella and hug her, but he couldn't. Every time he looked at her, so tiny and frail, an anger and knowledge shot through him – he knew that he could, in fact, rip Phil limb from limb.

Edward came closer to Bella's bedside, gingerly holding her hand, but he watched her with an ancient resignation, something old and grownup and real that she hadn't seen in him before. She wondered if he saw her differently, or if he was afraid to touch her. She wanted him to hold her but she was afraid of what would happen one day when they tried to do more. The thought of a hand, any hand, on her body like Phil's had been made her shiver with disgust.

Carlisle left the room momentarily, and when he came back, he ushered the others out. A man and a woman stood at the door, waiting to enter. Bella gripped Edward's hand tighter, recognizing the man as an officer that Charlie introduced her to once. She knew what they wanted.

"Can Edward stay?" Carlisle looked at the detectives and the woman nodded. Bella breathed a small sigh of relief, glad that she at least wouldn't have to do it alone. She knew she needed to report Phil. He couldn't go on doing what he'd been doing, and Bella had a responsibility. If he went on to hurt another girl, it would be her fault. She had to, no matter whose lives she ruined.

_Renee already thinks I suck the very happiness out of her life – might as well do it up right._

The officers entered and introduced themselves. Thankfully, the female detective, Siobhan, took the lead and began asking her questions. Bella was instructed to describe, in as much detail as she could, what happened. She bit her lip and looked at Edward, who gave her a reassuring smile. Bella recounted the fight she heard last night, up until the moment Renee burst into the kitchen.

Siobhan prodded her to tell the rest of the story, but Bella was hesitant. She didn't want to repeat the things Renee had said to her, but Edward squeezed her hand a few times, almost like a code. _I love you. I'm here. I won't leave you._

Bella replayed the things Renee shouted at her, and the fury that filled Carlisle's face was enough to make her afraid to look at him.

"So is there anything else we should know? Anything else at all involved in this case? Are there previous instances of abuse you can detail, or…?" Edward looked at Bella, trying to communicate with his eyes.

Bella looked at him, plainly seeing the words he wasn't saying written across his irises, but she was unsure. She didn't know what would happen to her mother. She was afraid, even now, under protection. Edward sat up straighter in his seat, almost as if he was transferring strength to her. Bella bit her lip again, and looked at her lap. She sighed.

"Renee has…she's in possession of…illegal substances."

"What kinds of substances are we talking here?" Bella looked up to see Siobhan watching her closely.

"Um, cocaine…and maybe something else, I don't know for sure. I would…they won't be easy to find. I'm pretty sure that she keeps everything in her makeup bag. I would look there," Bella explained. Siobhan nodded and make some notes on her little notepad, looking to her partner and nodding. She stood and Bella realized she had a small digital camera.

"Bella, Garret is going to step out. I'll ask Dr. Cullen to leave as well, if you like. I need to get some pictures of your bruises, and your burns. Dr. Cullen, would you be able to remove the bandages? We need these for evidence," she inquired.

Bella felt extremely nervous all of a sudden. Carlisle stepped forward and lightly pulled at the gauze and tape covering her throat. Bella pulled at the top of her hospital gown so that he could reach what was sitting lower on her chest. He threw the materials away, promising to redress them as soon as she was done. He left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Would you like Edward to stay, Bella? It's up to you, but you'll have to take your gown off. Whatever will make you comfortable." Bella didn't want Edward to leave, but she was afraid of what he'd think of her. She'd caught a glimpse of herself earlier, as she changed, and she knew the bruises had only deepened since then.

She turned to Edward and their eyes said everything. He could tell she was embarrassed, so he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, and his forest eyes told her he supported her, now matter what. Bella nodded, and proceeded to get up from the hospital bed. She took a deep breath and turned away from the detective and Edward both, undoing the ties of the gown. She had to remove her bra, but thankfully her panties stayed on. She used one arm to cover her breasts as Siobhan took pictures from several angles, and zoomed in on some spots.

Edward sat stoically in his chair, but his mind was racing. Each bruise he saw made him wonder how exactly it got there, and he thought briefly that he might drive himself crazy trying to figure it out. The burns on Bella's chest looked painful, discolored and bubbled. Her right wrist was slightly swollen and purple nearly halfway up her forearm. The handprint he saw earlier was even more visible now. Bella had to push the edge of her underwear down so the pinky of Phil's hand was showing. The sight of Phil's large paw encompassing Bella's hip and pelvis was enough to send a spike of pure adrenaline in his blood, reminding him of what he was capable of. Bella had a sharp defined bruise across the front of her thighs where she was pushed into the table. Her left hip had another bruise, from the stove, Bella said. Her back was littered with tiny bruises, presumably from Phil pushing her down. Bella said everything happened so quickly, and that she was so scared, it was hard to remember exactly where he was touching her.

Siobhan alluded to a rape kit that was done on Bella when she arrived, even though Bella said she was positive that Phil didn't get that far. Hearing the word 'penetration' thrown around made bile rise in Edward's throat, but he fought it back. He wouldn't get sick over this, not in front of Bella. Finally, the exam and interrogation were over. Carlisle came back in and redressed Bella's burns, and Siobhan said they would be in touch with her as soon as something happened. Carlisle assured her that Bella would be staying at the Cullen's for the night, with other plans in place for the future.

Edward watched the care his father used in dealing with Bella. He knew that Carlisle always cared about Bella; he'd known her since she was a small child. Even with his defiant and asshole-ish tendencies, Edward knew his father loved her. Carlisle's blue eyes turned misty as he looked at Bella's tiny heart-shaped face, seeing her as a gangly little girl, all cut up and scarred from her clumsiness, grinning at him like he was a Greek god.

He stared at her, trying to remember when she'd gotten so big. When had she become a grownup? When had she turned into a beautiful young woman, a woman who stole his son's heart away? What happened to the little wild-haired girl covered in dirt with gapped teeth? How had he let that time slip away?

A single tear dropped, so very unprofessional, but he couldn't help it. He reached out and placed his hands on Bella's shoulders, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. Bella broke into a sob at the fatherly gesture, acutely aware of Charlie's absence in her life. She wished desperately for her father, her protector, the man who would make every wrong right. Carlisle let her cry against him, as he understood the source of her sorrow.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I let Charlie down, I let you down. I can't believe…I should've been watching over you, helping you. I should've…I'm sorry," he said, emotion choking him. Bella nodded.

Edward watched his father embrace the love of his life and had difficulty keeping his own emotions in check. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow, but couldn't. He heard Bella whisper faintly, "I miss him." Edward knew she meant Charlie, and there were times when he himself missed the Chief desperately. Charlie could've kept all of this from happening. Edward tried to shake off the guilt that threatened to crush him, again, and resolved to stay positive, and put his energy into helping Bella.

He was thankful Bella would be staying with them tonight, though he wished she could just live there full-time. Rose had informed them of Bella's new living situation, and while Edward was thrilled that Bella would be able to go to Forks High with him again, and have her freedom, he mourned the fact that he wouldn't get to sneak into her room every night. But it was best for Bella to move in with Rose, so he tried to rid himself of disappointment.

Bella was discharged not long after that, and she was herded to the Cullen's house. Alice tried to cheer her up, Emmett kept a peculiar distance, Esme wanted to stuff her full of food and Edward wouldn't leave her side. He actually stood outside of the bathroom and listened to her pee at one point. But Bella wasn't going to complain. She needed him by her side, holding her hand.

She knew there were a lot of things about to change, and that she'd have to deal with a lot of new stuff. With pressing charges against Phil, there's a chance eventually of her having to testify against him. She had to move all of her things to Rose's apartment. She needed to find out about health insurance, since she wouldn't be covered under Phil and Renee any longer. Rose needed to be approved as a temporary guardian, unless Bella wanted to go through the hassle of becoming emancipated a mere month and a half before her birthday. She needed the funds from Charlie's life insurance policy, but that, too, was over a month away. She needed to take her driver's test and try to get a car and enroll at school and figure out a way to move on from this. Tonight, she just wanted to eat dinner and cuddle with her family – her real family.

So Esme whipped up spaghetti and meatballs, a personal favorite of Bella's, and then everyone piled on the sectional couch and watched a couple of movies, with Bella squeezed in between Edward and Rose, and Alice sitting in front of her on the floor. Edward was especially attentive, smoothing her hair back from her face, pulling her bottom lip from her teeth when she bit it, and wrapping her up in comforting embraces. Bella rested her head on his shoulder and let herself feel safe.

Edward begged and pleaded with his mother, and eventually she gave in and said Bella could sleep in Edward's room if she wanted to. Bella could think of nothing better than snuggling up with him and hoping he chased any nightmares away. The couple slowly descended the stairs, and Edward gave her clothes to change into. She wasn't embarrassed to change in front of him, but she didn't want him to have to see her marked body. When she attempted to hide her marred flesh, Edward stopped her, and knelt on the floor in front of her, placing light kisses on every bruise. He kissed her hips and pelvis, her stomach, her back, her wrist, and then moved up, careful not to touch the blisters on her chest but reverently tracing around them with his lips. He unhooked her bra and tossed it aside before pulling the t-shirt he'd retrieved for her over her head and pulling it down, securing her comfort. He knelt again and she held onto his shoulder and she stepped into the pajama pants that would surely be too large.

Edward changed quickly and they walked to his bathroom, sharing his toothbrush. Bella would be content with sharing everything with him. The two crawled into bed, and when Edward tried to lay behind her, Bella refused. She turned towards him and cuddled into his chest, quietly explaining into his shirt.

"I can't yet…that was…he was behind me…." Edward murmured his understanding and peppered kisses all over her face before meeting her lips with his. The two shared slow, sweet, passionate kisses until Bella felt moisture against her lips. She opened her eyes to see that Edward was crying silently against her.

She knew he was hurting, she knew he, too, was scared, but she didn't know if she could comfort him. She knew from Alice that her sudden appearance at their house earlier had been startling, but she'd been in such a daze, she couldn't really remember arriving.

"What…I know it's hard, but…what happened earlier, when I got here?"

"You don't know?"

"No, I can't remember. I was running, and my legs were shaky, and I threw up on the way, but then I just…I don't know. I made it, obviously, but I can't remember the trip exactly," she explained. She tried to lean back to see his face, but Edward held her tightly to his chest.

"You were…the bell rang, and Alice I were goofing around and when I opened the door, it was like…it was like a dream – no, a nightmare. You didn't look real. You were shiny, like, slick with sweat, and your hair was everywhere, but your eyes…they weren't _your_ eyes and it scared me and then your…God, your chest was just covered in…it looked like fucking silly putty or something, just…fuck. It was awful, Bella. I could hardly believe you were standing there and you wouldn't talk and when I tried to reach for you, you just fell down. I caught you, but…you weren't there. You just stared at the ceiling and I didn't know what the fuck to do and I just…I lost it, I don't even know what I was saying. I think – I think Alice screamed, there was this, like, eerie sound in the back of my head and it must've been her and I kept watching you but you were gone and I left too, it was like I was looking for you…like my soul was trying to find you. That probably sounds so goddamn cheesy, doesn't it?"

Edward laughed, but it was without humor. Bella could tell that he had truly been terrified and he couldn't fully articulate it.

"No. That's not cheesy. That's perfect. If you were…if anything happened to you, I would do that same. My body, heart, soul, whatever…anything left of me would look for you, too. I fucking swear it."

Edward looked down at Bella, surprised by the hard tone she used, but she looked up at him, strong and alive and not crying like he was and he was so proud of her, he could burst. She saw the pride flower on his face and couldn't believe it was for her. She clung to him and kissed his throat, suddenly overcome by her need for his presence in her life.

Edward whispered words of acceptance and love and hope and regret and fear and guilt and promises in her ear and she took them and held them inside. She ate up everything he had for her and she fed her heart, her soul, and she felt warm for a moment, filled, satisfied. His nonsensical ramblings, part desperation, part exhaustion, were poetry to her and she wanted to take it and transcribe it, print it and carry it in her back pocket so she never forgot the things he could do to her with his mind. She stroked his back and kissed the parts of him she'd never kissed before: the tops of his ears, his teeth as he smiled, the crook of his elbow, his shoulder blades. He covered her in words and she covered him in kisses and the pair finally drifted to sleep, entwined and broken, in love and scared, connected and uncertain. Neither had a clue what would happen come tomorrow, come next week, next month, next year, but both clutched one another in the midst of their dreams, unwilling, unable to part.

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**Follow me on Twitter ginginleelee**

**My rec's for you this week (and believe me, I read an ungodly amount over the past seven days):**

**The Velveteen Mother by krismom -- an awesome story starting with a disgruntled Esme who decides to go visit her three grown sons in New York. It's a intricately woven tale that will make you laugh and cry and scream at Edward and scream at Esme but you love them all the same. Great story, must read!**

**On a Lonesome Road by valeri29 -- a high school fic following Bella as she joins the school band and finds a tight knit group of friends. You'll follow Bella as she deals with falling in love with someone unavailable, finding her way after a terrible accident, and just how damn hard it is to be a teenager sometimes. Beautiful story.**

**Winter of Love by BelleDean -- Bella, Jasper and Rose (siblings) move to sleepy Forks from California in 1969. It definitely nails how far behind the times small towns can be, and you'll get to watch as these three try to find a place to fit in at their new school, while holding on to those habits and ideals they've learned from years of being nomads. It's a great nostalgic piece for times we didn't actually live in, and it's lovely.**

**Summer of Salt by lola-pops -- Did I rec this already? Eh, I don't care. Bella and her cousins, Jasper and Rose spend each summer in their cabins by the lake in northern California, doing the same old thing. Then some newcomers show up, and everything is turned on its head. This fic is lighthearted and angsty at the same time, and it honestly makes your heart ache at times with its realism.**

**For any more rec's, I suggest going to Twi-Fic Promotions site -- they have toooons of great stories on there, and they try to spread the word about lesser known fics. http:// twi-fic promotions (dot) blogspot (dot) com  
**

**Alright, that's enough jibber-jabber for a Sunday morning, peace out!**


	14. Chapter 14

**So, here's the next to last chapter -- I hope you all like it! Thanks so much to all of my readers out there, and for all of the reviews. It looks like we might break 100 with this chapter! A big thanks goes to my betas, anythingzombie and imahappymess for cleaning this up.**

**Song rec's: Julian Casablancas -- "Glass," and "Tourist".**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, except in hard-cover format.**

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"Bella! Bella, wake up!"

Rose shook Bella's shoulders as gently as she could in order to pull her from her slumber. The nightmares hadn't stopped. Bella had moved in with Rose two weeks ago, and every night birthed the same scene.

_Bella screams, thrashes in her bed, then whimpers and cries. Rose runs in, grabs her, shakes her, calls her name, and Bella finally wakes up. She's out of breath. Rose strokes her hair and back, comforting her. Bella says she's fine. Rose stays with her until she falls back asleep._

The only night that didn't follow this pattern was the first night Bella stayed there. She had moved her stuff in that afternoon, with assistance from Edward and Emmett. Edward pled with both Esme and Rose to be able to stay the night.

"She needs me; it's her first night somewhere unfamiliar," he had said while Bella was in the other room. "She might not say it, but I know she does."

Bella tried to act strong that day, but Rose could tell that she was shaken to her core. It would take a while for her mind to settle, and even longer for her emotions to fall back in line. She would need professional help, most likely, and a support system. She would need the things Rose never got when she was younger, and dealing with what happened to her on her own.

Rose finally relented, and Edward stayed with Bella that night. He confirmed that Bella had a nightmare the next morning, but Edward had awoken Bella before the dream became too involved. He held her and whispered to her that night until Bella fell back into a peaceful sleep. Rose did, however, have to put her foot down.

"I know that you're eighteen now, Edward, but Bella isn't. She's only got a little over a month to go, but until then, I am her guardian, and you can't stay here every night. It's just not responsible, and I'm sure Esme would agree with me."

"But—"

"No, I mean it. After Bella's birthday, I suppose it's up to her. We'll just be roommates then, so I won't really have a say. But until then, I do have a say. I'm sorry."

And Rose was sorry. She knew the couple didn't want to be parted every night, but she also feared that Bella would grasp too tightly to Edward and become overly dependent. She needed support, but she also needed to feel herself strengthen and grow on her own. She would have to learn to face her demons head on, by herself, with people behind her. She would have to lead herself out of this, unfortunately.

As Rose soothingly rubbed Bella's back for the twelfth night in a row, she second-guessed her decision to ban Edward from staying. The kids only had a couple more weeks before school started, and Rose was beginning to think that maybe Edward should stay, at least a few times, until then. She didn't mind at all to get up and help Bella, but it would probably be easier for Edward to do so, and more comfortable for Bella herself.

The next morning, Rose breached the topic.

"So, Bella, I was thinking…."

"Yes?" Bella had volunteered to make breakfast for Rose, though she was struggling through the motions as she stood at the stove. Even though she knew that Rose would obviously never harm her, it was still unsettling to have her back turned to the room, while she hovered over a hot skillet. She took deep breaths and forced herself to remain calm, allowing Rose's conversation to distract her.

"Well, we could go shopping today and pick up some new clothes for you, for school, and then we could see if Edward and Emmett want to come over tonight."

"That sounds nice, but I don't really have that much money. I don't think I should spend it on clothes. And I'm sure the boys will want to come over. Emmett's going back to school soon, huh?"

"Yeah, he is. But he's only a few hours away, so he said he'd come home at least every other weekend. And besides, I want to buy some clothes for you. I have plenty of money saved, anyway. What's a little shopping trip?"

"Rose…I just got a bunch of stuff at the beginning of summer, I don't need more."

"Pshaw! You got _summer_ clothes, Bella, not nice fall and winter clothes for school. You don't want to have to wear all of your old stuff, do you?"

Bella most certainly did not want to wear her old stuff. Each item carried with it the memory of Renee. Bella could hardly stand to think of her mother. Renee was currently serving a forty-five day sentence on drug possession charges. The amount of cocaine found by the police wasn't enough to warrant any other charges, but Renee was arraigned and quickly given a short sentence. Most likely she would be released early due to overcrowding anyway.

"And then tomorrow morning all of us could go back to La Push for some more cliff-diving, whadya say?"

"Tomorrow morning? Are…will Edward get to stay over?" Bella's eyes twinkled as she looked back at Rose as she nodded. Bella hadn't felt like being very physical with Edward, but she couldn't deny the level of solace that accompanied his warm embraces. She hated that she woke Rose up every night with her nightmares, and even though that Edward holding her through the night would be enough to ward them off.

"Great! That sounds great. Here ya go," Bella said as she slid scrambled eggs onto Rose's plate, feeling a renewed sense of contentment.

After what felt like a torturous day of shopping, Bella and Rose collapsed onto their couch and didn't move again until the boys showed up, carrying two large pizzas. Edward quickly scooped Bella up into his arms and kissed nearly every inch of her face. Her burns were almost healed, but he was still very delicate with her. He wanted her to associate him with only gentle, loving touches. Bella squealed but didn't fight him off.

The group hurriedly ate, all of them famished for no good reason, and cuddled to watch a movie. Rose's living room had one medium sized couch and a recliner. Emmett took up almost half of the couch himself, so Bella and Edward curled up together in the other chair. Edward was practically giddy over being able to stay the whole night with Bella, though they both knew nothing would happen beyond kissing.

Eventually Bella's yawns became progressively closer together, and Edward took her to her room. They changed clothes and quickly got under the covers, nose-to-nose, and whispered. Edward watched Bella's eyes begin to flutter until they stayed shut. He held her as closely as he dared, watching her lips part and hearing her breath deepen. She was asleep, and Edward's thoughts became more and more panicked. He was worried about too many things to count.

Phil had also already been arraigned, and a hearing was scheduled for a few months from now. After Bella's charges were pressed, another girl, a young campaign aide, came forward. Apparently, Phil had been sexually harassing her for the past year, as he worked closely with her for his campaign. The young lady said he never assaulted or abused her, but that his innuendo was extreme, and seemingly innocent touches were rapidly increasing. Bella's lawyer, one personally hired by Carlisle, said that he was certain there would be ample evidence to condemn Phil.

Forks was rocked with the scandal, and as much as Edward tried to ignore, the rumors were running rampant. Both he and Bella were excited that she could return to Forks High for their senior year, but he couldn't imagine what it was going to be like for her to be back. Everyone in town now knew that Phil had attacked her, and Renee's arrest was public record as well. Bella had never handled the limelight well, and to have such negative rumors and gossip-hungry vultures surrounding her would be unbearable. He wanted to protect her as best he could, but he wasn't sure what to expect.

Rose was officially Bella's temporary guardian, at least for three and a half more weeks. Bella told Edward that she would be receiving a nice stipend from Charlie's life insurance policy, and that she planned to help cover Rose's expenses. She also mentioned getting a part-time job, which wasn't really necessary, but she wanted something else to do. Carlisle offered to help her get a clerical desk job at the hospital, and Bella was considering it. Edward was hard-pressed to forget and forgive all that Carlisle had done (or hadn't done) over the years, but he knew his father was making a great effort now. He had hired a great lawyer for Bella, and was personally referring and funding her visits to a psychiatrist, though Bella had yet to go to an appointment. Edward was working on building a relationship with his father again, and Carlisle seemed just as amenable.

Edward drifted off to sleep and was awoken some time later by Bella's thrashing limbs. He was able to calm her down quickly. Her trembling body settled as he held her to him. She stuck her nose in the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent deeply, letting it wash over her and remind her where she was and who she was with. Edward's presence helped console her instantly, even if he didn't say a word.

Cliff diving was as eventful as ever, and Bella had a good time. She wore a cut-off t-shirt over her swimsuit, still self-conscious about the last remnants of her burns and bruising. Carlisle prescribed her an ointment that helped reduce scarring, and she used it religiously, but it was still too soon to let everyone see. Bella could tell by watching Rose and Emmett that they were beginning to feel the melancholy of their eventual separation. Bella was simultaneously grateful to have Edward so close by her, and regretful that Rose couldn't move closer to Emmett because of her. Rose would be taking online courses this semester for her business degree, but apart from that, she didn't have a definite plan yet.

The next ten days flew by, and before she knew it, Bella was waiting for Edward to pick her up for her first day at school. She was planning on taking her driver's test after her birthday, and was working on finding an affordable car. She knew one responsible use for Charlie's money would be to find herself something dependable, and sturdy. She stood near the front door and listened intently for crunching gravel.

Rose's apartment was actually sort of a house; it was the basement of a larger home, but they were able to take advantage of the yard. The couple that owned the home were in their seventies and didn't spend too much time outside. Bella had taken to doing the landscaping already, so that the couple wouldn't have to worry about it, or hire anyone. In return, she was gifted with fresh-baked cookies and lemonade almost every afternoon. Edward had made himself acquainted with the couple, and upon hearing his last name, they had taken him under their wing as well.

Bella finally heard Edward's car pull in, and she rushed out the door before he could get out of the car. Rose had picked out her outfit for today, as Bella had frozen just trying to imagine what the other girls at school would be wearing. Bella got in the front seat of Edward's car and spared Alice a small 'hello' before leaning over and giving Edward a sizable kiss. Alice giggled but Bella didn't even blush. She was so nervous she couldn't spare even a small corner of emotion for embarrassment. Not yet, anyway.

Alice was dropped off at the middle school. Edward held Bella's hand and tried to calm her as they approached the high school, but Bella couldn't focus on what he was saying. The instant they pulled into the parking lot, everyone seemed to stop and watch them. Edward came around and opened the passenger door for Bella. He held out his hand, which she gripped tightly, and gently tugged to help her get out of the car. Bella kept her eyes on her feet, and she felt Edward wrap his arm around her shoulder and start to lead her to the entrance. Bella could hear the hushed whispers as they passed the other students. Her name, along with Phil's and her mother's, were being tossed around, which was to be expected. What she hadn't counted on were the jealous ramblings of the female population.

How had Bella forgotten that Edward bedded nearly half of the girls at this school? And none of them knew that he and Bella were together until now, so she was sure their flagrant entrance was causing quite a stir. Bella snuck a peek up at Edward and saw that his jaw was clenched tightly. She looked back down at her feet and saw another pair come up to her right and keep pace with her.

"Hey, Bella," a soft voice said. Angela.

Bella looked up and smiled, so glad to see her quiet friend. Bella halted her steps, surprising Edward, and turned to give Angela a hug. She had missed her.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this," Angela began as Bella pulled back. "It's pathetic, really, what a scene it's all become."

"Thanks. I expected it, though. For the most part." Bella's eyes traveled over to a group of girls, spearheaded by one Lauren Mallory, and looked away. Lauren's cold eyes were fixed on her with a glare.

"What's your schedule like?"

Bella was relieved to find that she and Angela had two classes together, one being their first period, and then the class just before lunch. Edward would be in three classes with her: English, Government, and History. She was thankful to have someone to walk to her first class with, and Edward would be joining her for the entire afternoon. She breathed a little easier knowing she had some company.

Edward gave Bella a squeeze after walking her to her first class, and parted with a smile to Angela. The two girls sat together, quietly catching up.

"So you and Edward are officially dating, right?"

Bella smiled widely and nodded.

"It's about damn time." Both girls laughed until Lauren paraded into the classroom, choosing the seat directly behind Bella. Lauren turned and spoke in a stage whisper to another girl.

"Did you see Edward Cullen come in with Bella this morning? Can you believe it? I guess she latched onto him over the summer. He probably just feels sorry for her since her mom's in prison and all. He'll get sick of her soon enough. I'm sure he wants another round with me anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if he begs me to meet him at his car during lunch. He was always _especially_ hungry that time of day…."

The other girls snickered and Bella's face flushed a deep red. She didn't know if Lauren was lying to get a rise out of her, or if Edward really had fooled around with her before. She tried not to let it get to her, but it was hard when surrounded by girls Edward had fucked. She knew she meant more to him than any of his former lays, but she was upset by it. She found herself silently cursing Edward's libido, and his idiocy. She tried to shake it off and focus as the teacher began speaking.

Edward met her in the hallway and the pair walked to second period together. He held her hand, but couldn't help but notice the way Bella didn't really speak to or look at him as they walked. He waited until they got to class and took their seats before he brought it up. He leaned up to ask her about it, hoping she would turn around, but she stayed facing forward.

"What's wrong, babe?" He pushed her hair out of the way so he could see the side of her face.

"Nothing," she responded, too quickly.

"No, there's definitely something wrong, what is it?"

"It's just a lot to deal with, that's all. All the gossip and…stuff. I'll get over it."

Edward waited for her to look at him, or say something else, or anything. He leaned back with a sigh when he realized she wasn't going to do anything else.

At lunch, Edward and Bella sat with Angela, and her boyfriend, Ben. Edward scooted his chair as close to Bella's as he could, keeping his arm around her as he ate with his left hand. Bella had loosened up a bit, and was keeping up a good conversation with the others, until Jane walked by, slowly and purposefully.

Her eyebrow was arched at Edward, silently asking, 'you wanna?' Edward didn't want to, and hadn't planned on doing that again, so he gave a stern shake of the head, hoping Bella hadn't seen the exchange. Unfortunately, when he looked down at her, she was back to staring at the table and not speaking. They had the last two classes of the day together, and while she held his hand and walked beside him, she didn't offer any affection or even any words.

The drive back to her apartment was silent. Edward turned off the car and followed her inside, not waiting for an invitation. As soon as they entered, Bella walked calmly to her room and flopped down on her bed. Edward watched from the doorway until he saw Bella's shoulders shaking. He heard her gasp for breath, and he rushed to her side, turning her over and looking at her tear-filled eyes. He stroked her cheek and watched her face crumple before him.

"What is it? What happened today?" Bella watched him as he patiently waited, doing all of the things he knew comforted her, and she tried to remind herself that Edward picked her, loved her, not anyone else.

"I just – it was so weird knowing – the other girls you've been with – I don't know, I'm so stupid, I had forgotten about all of them and everyone thinks I'm not good enough for you, and that you just feel sorry for me because of Renee and – and Ph-Phil, but I know you love me, I just have a hard time sometimes…."

Edward listened closely, feeling his heart clench when he realized that he had unknowingly made everything harder for her than it already was. He didn't stop to think about Lauren or Tanya or Jane, or how those catty bitches would react to his relationship with Bella. He was so focused on dealing with the rumors swirling about her family, he forgot about the trivial high school mutterings of scorned girls. He held Bella tighter and told her that he loved her, and that he was sorry.

"I never meant to make this harder on you, you know that, right? I only want to help you. I love you, Bella, and I wish I could take bleach and pour it in my brain, ridding it of every other girl but you. I wish I could…expunge my record or something. I'm so sorry, babe, I didn't even think about that. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you. It's just…hard."

The pair stayed entwined on her bed until their stomachs began to growl. They made dinner together and did homework until ten o'clock, realizing that Rose hadn't come home yet. A quick text to her ensured that she was just spending some more time with Emmett before he left. Edward stayed until midnight, holding Bella until she fell asleep.

Bella attempted to hold her head up high for the next week at school, though it was hard when everyone gawked at her like a science experiment gone awry. It was common knowledge that Phil's assault had been of a sexual nature, and knowing that everyone knew made Bella feel cloaked in shame. It wasn't her fault, she was well aware, but it was unnerving to have all of her peers know what happened.

Angela was unfailingly supportive, walking with her to class, shooting dirty looks at the gossipers, and constantly reassuring her that high school is barely a blip on the radar of life. And that at least Bella had decency that would last her forever, whereas Tanya and Lauren would probably be useless, whiny cunts forever. Bella had doubled over in laughter at hearing the word 'cunt' come from Angela's mouth, but she appreciated her words anyway.

Edward had a hard time holding his tongue in regards to the girls badmouthing Bella. Anytime they approached him, or said something to him, he brushed them off easily. But when they said something to Bella, or about her within earshot, he had to remind himself that he couldn't hit girls. He didn't want them to have the satisfaction of knowing they got to him, so he clenched his fists and waited until his anger subsided.

Bella was almost at the end of her rope with Lauren. Tanya was a bitch, but she was nothing compared to Lauren's inane and persistent commentary. She wondered if Lauren just sat up at night, thinking up hurtful and asinine things to say, maybe keeping some sort of notepad handy for whenever she thought of something clever. Bella wasn't sure if she should strangle Lauren or perhaps laugh at her.

Edward was crossing the cafeteria with Bella when she heard Lauren's nasally voice rise above everyone else's. Lauren was, yet again, inferring that Bella was some sort of damaged charity case and that Edward wasn't actually interested in her, when Bella stopped and glared at her. Lauren smirked, confident that Bella wouldn't actually do anything.

Lots of words ran through Bella's brain, but she knew she was too flustered and angry to actually get anything out. Edward turned to look at her, noticing she had stopped, and waited with a curious look on his face. Bella tugged his hand, pulling him closer, and before he could react she grabbed the back of his neck and latched her lips onto his like it was the last time they'd ever kiss.

Edward was shocked but recovered quickly, placing one hand dangerously low on the small of Bella's back and gripping her tightly. He didn't mean to get so into the kiss in the middle of the school cafeteria, but he was pretty sure he even moaned as Bella claimed him for everyone to see. A few catcalls rang out, along with a smattering of applause, led by Angela and some others who were tired of Lauren's antics.

The sound of a teacher's voice finally broke the two apart, but Bella knew it was worth it if she got into trouble. Her face was flushed but she was smiling, as was Edward. It was so high school, so cliché, and probably straight from some terrible teen comedy, but Bella didn't care. She was glad she did it, and Mr. Banner only waved his hand, gesturing for the two to keep walking. Edward laughed as he slung an arm over Bella's shoulder and led her to their lunch table, drunk on Bella. He knew there was no way for him to erase what happened in the year away from her, but he was hoping that they could move on. Before too long, they'd hopefully be leaving this town behind.

Bella's birthday came and went quickly. She spent the day with the Cullen's at First Beach, on a rare sunny day. The summer was lingering, giving them a warm September. Bella spotted an old truck for sale, and inquired about it. After a thorough checking-over by both Edward and Carlisle (who know nothing about cars), it was declared 'probably not a death trap.' Bella used a tiny portion of Charlie's money to buy it. She passed her driver's test on the first try a few days later, and soon was driving herself to Edward's house and to school. He insisted that they still ride together, so Bella pushed until he agreed to let her drive him. The freedom she felt behind the wheel was like nothing she'd felt before. She literally could go anywhere, and it was thrilling.

While school was going better for Bella, the hearing was fast approaching, unleashing a whole new wave of gossip. After talking to the guidance counselor, it was decided that Bella would graduate early. The schoolwork she did over the summer gave her enough credits to finish up in December. She found herself a little thankful that Renee made her do it.

Thanksgiving was a slightly boisterous affair; Rose and Bella joined the Cullen's for a large feast, where Rose had some news to share.

"Well, everyone, I have something to announce. I've been discussing this with Bella for a while now, and since she's planning on working full-time at the hospital in January, I am…I'm moving. To Seattle," she said, looking at Emmett as she completed her announcement. Emmett had jumped out of his chair and picked Rose up before anyone could even say anything.

There were congratulations abounding, and Bella thought she even saw a tear twinkle in Emmett's eye. Edward was surprised, and a little concerned about Bella.

"So, you'll be living alone, then? Are you sure you'll be okay?" Esme was able to voice Edward's own questions.

"It'll be different, but I feel ready. I'll be working and I'm going to start therapy in January as well. I can handle it. Well, as long as you guys are willing to come keep me company sometimes." Alice squealed, and Edward smiled mischievously. Regardless of being at the dinner table, he wriggled his eyebrows at Bella, laughing when she blushed.

"Maybe I can stay with her on the weekends?" He sounded so hopeful, like a little boy asking for candy.

"Edward…" Esme said in a warning tone.

"What? I would never do anything untoward, mother." He grinned cheekily as Esme sighed and threw her hands up in exasperation.

Bella and Edward had finally gotten to a point where they could make love and she didn't have any negative reactions. The first few times they tried, Bella would be gripped with fear, then guilt as she apologized to Edward. He tried his best to assure her that it was fine, but she felt like a failure after. It was only a week before Thanksgiving that he had successfully worshipped her body with his, showing her how much he loved her, and she was able to accept and reciprocate fully. She wanted to make sure they moved forward, and was actually looking forward to starting therapy. The hearing was scheduled for just before Christmas, and Bella hoped it wouldn't be too traumatic.

Bella was at the apartment by herself, in early December, when someone knocked on the door. She rushed to answer it, and was taken aback to see her mother standing before her. They stared in silence until Renee simply said,

"I'm not good for you. I'm not good for anybody."

Bella watched her mother's retreating form, unable to respond. Renee got into a small, beat-up car, and drove away. Bella saw her leave, and then a thousand images flashed behind her eyes. Renee hugging her, Renee scolding her, Renee taunting her, Renee helping her, Renee complimenting her, and Renee blaming her. She saw her mother age in her mind, saw her turn cold and hard, bitter. Bella wished she could've said something, anything, but there was nothing to say. She had been betrayed by her own flesh and blood. She had been abandoned. There was nothing more to say or do, but let her go.

She called Edward immediately, and relayed what had happened. She worried herself into a frenzy, suddenly realizing that Renee could be anywhere, doing anything, perhaps not even alive anymore. Would it be her fault if something happened? Should she have stopped her?

Edward talked her down from the cliff, but he encouraged her to journal her thoughts. He told her she would have a lot of ground to cover in regards to her mother when she started therapy, and although she was afraid to relive some of the things she'd gone through, she knew he was right.

The hearing was nothing like she expected. The media coverage was daunting; reporters swarmed outside of the courthouse, both local and from across the state. Bella was terrified of testifying, and facing Phil again, but she practiced what she was going to say several times over with her lawyer. She'd never felt as grownup as she had when she had to take the stand, and face the man that almost ruined her. She spared only glances at him, trying desperately to forget he was there. She recounted the events of the morning he attacked her, and the photos of her body were entered as evidence. After being asked several questions from her own lawyer, Phil's attorney proceeded to attempt to rip apart her testimony.

He made sure to mention that no actual sexual abuse took place, and that Bella couldn't have known that was Phil's intent. The enraged look on Edward's face was enough to make Bella cower down in her chair. The prosecutor continued to tear into every statement Bella made, trying to find a way to prove that she had tried to seduce him, and that while Phil was intoxicated, he wasn't trying to harm her. Bella shook with anger as she stepped down from the stand, unable to keep the angry tears from falling. Esme tried to comfort her, but Bella was inconsolable.

The young campaign aide, a girl named Bree, thankfully had proof of Phil's advances. She had multiple emails and text messages saved, along with an incriminating voicemail. The trial only lasted a few days, thankfully, but Bella was exhausted from the emotional turmoil. Edward stayed with her every night, and held her through her recurring nightmares.

The day that Phil was found guilty was a good day. However, he was only charged with assaulting a minor and sexual harassment. Since he technically hadn't abused Bella in a sexual manner, he got off with only lesser charges. He was sentenced to a mere six years in prison, with a possibility of parole. Carlisle was beside himself, Esme was heartbroken, Rose contemplated putting a hit out on him, and Bella retreated into herself.

She stayed in bed for days, unable to move or speak. She had been so proud of herself at first for being able to face Phil and tell the truth. But the words of Phil's lawyer were harsh enough to batter the self-esteem she'd been building, and she began to question everything that happened. She was afraid she was somehow at fault, and also afraid that Phil would come after again, once he got out. Edward never left her side; he talked to her until his voice was hoarse, held her constantly, and worried over her to the point of nausea.

Finally, a visit from Esme and Carlisle brought Bella out of her stupor. She agreed to begin her therapy early, and began going every other day up until New Years. Bella enjoyed Christmas with the Cullen's, thankful to have such a great family supporting her through everything. She tried not to think of her mother too much on that day, and focus on the present, and the people that loved her. She was excited for Rose and Emmett, but she would miss her roommate. She was also glad she didn't have to return to Forks High, though worried that Edward would have a hard time without her. He assured her that he would be fine, and that he intended to spend every possible moment with her that he could.

After the New Year, Bella started working full-time behind a desk at the hospital. She had people fill out forms, then filed them away, and entered information into the computer. It wasn't a difficult job, but it could get stressful. Carlisle came down and visited her often, even eating lunch with her when he could. They had begun to form a bond that she at one time thought was irreparable. She hoped that one day he would be her father-in-law.

True to his promise, Edward came over every evening Bella wasn't working, and did his homework while she did research. She and Edward planned to travel for the summer after graduation. She was saving most of her money for college, but was managing to squirrel some away for their trip. Edward, of course, wanted to pay for everything from his trust fund, but Bella wouldn't allow it. They planned a European tour, starting in Ireland and traveling to Scotland, England, France, and then Italy. Neither had even done anything like that before, so while they were nervous, they were both excited beyond belief. They both received letters of acceptance from U-Dub, and would return home just in time for the fall semester.

They planned on getting an apartment together off campus. Bella and Edward were both convinced that they would be together forever, and weren't about to put forever on hold. While Esme sometimes expressed her concern, she kept her mouth shut for the most part when Edward stayed at Bella's several nights a week. By the time his Spring Break rolled around, she only saw him on the weekends. She thought about telling him to slow down, but she knew her son. He was firm in the conviction that he and Bella were meant to be, and nothing would convince him otherwise.

Finally, graduation day came. Bella was walking with the rest of the students, and in the five months since she'd seen them, she felt like she'd aged years. She lived on her own, paid her own bills, was working full-time, and had completed her therapy. She was at a point where she knew she could take care of herself, and while it was still a struggle to let go of the past, and the insecurities that bogged her down, she was able to sift the truth from the lies. She knew who she was, and the person she was becoming. She was finally secure with being Bella.

As she shook the principal's hand on the stage in the gymnasium, she felt a twinge in her stomach. While she was so thankful to have the Cullen's, and Rose, in the crowd, cheering her on, she felt the bitter edge of her loss. Charlie should've been there, alive still, stoically clapping and hiding his smile under his mustache. Renee should've been there, proud of her daughter, and for once being glad that she existed. Bella pushed back the negative thoughts, determined to enjoy this day, a monumental day in her life, the day that her adult life truly began.

As the ceremony came to a close, she sought out Edward. She hugged him, her graduation cap falling off in the process, and told him she loved him. He spun her around in his arms and kissed her deeply, professing his own love without words. His beautiful, wild-haired girl had grown into a woman seemingly overnight. He was so proud he could burst, and the thought of what was in their future made his stomach fill with butterflies. He was ready for forever with his girl at his side, the one who held his hand as they waded in the creek as children, and gave him his first kiss in the meadow, and let him hold her through the darkest nights of her soul. They held hands as they walked back to his family, clutching their futures tightly.

* * *

**So, up next is the epilogue, and we'll have to bid adieu to our little B & E. I'm planning on posting Chapter One of my next story, Lost in Between, on the same day as the epilogue, so you guys can scoot on over to that when you've finished BE. The story is way, way different -- much fluffier, I promise! -- and is set in a totally different location. There's also a virginal quarterback Edward (Virginward? QBward? Eh, well), some good ol' OOC and a few original characters just to keep things interesting. I hope you guys will check it out!**

**Also, in Fic Rec's this week:**

**With or Without You by Rochelle Allison -- This is a great, grown-up fic involving a B & E that were high school sweethearts, long since broken up, who meet again after they've both married and had children -- I love the way it's written in short chapters, giving a slice-of-life feel that is very cinematic.**

**Tattered Words by TheDoctorIsSick -- This only has a very short prologue, but it's intriguing enough to stir a lot of interest in what is to come -- and it's by a new, and if you can believe it, male fanfic writer, so go show some love.**


	15. Epilogue

**Happy Sunday morning! So, here it is, the final chapter...I'm pretty sad to be saying goodbye to these kids, but I think they get a good ending. I hope you like it, too! Thanks to all of my loyal readers, I appreciate each and every one of you. I got behind with replying to reviews this past week, but I read all of them and smiled, I promise.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or these characters. Sigh.**

**Huge thanks to my betas, anythingzombie and imahappymess, they've been with me for a while, and they've done a great job pulling this together!  
**

**Songs: "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel, and "Green Eyes" by Coldplay**

* * *

_Seven Years Later_

"Does this look all right? Maybe I should wear the red one-"

"Bella, honey, you look great. Calm down! Aren't I the one that's supposed to be freaking out?"

"Of course. You're right, you're right. I can't believe I'm making this all about me when you're the one getting married tomorrow!"

Bella let out an uncharacteristic squeal and hugged Rose tightly. The girls held each other tightly until a tiny voice interrupted them.

"Hug! Hug!" A little girl with blonde curls stretched up towards her mother.

"Geez, Annabel, you're getting so big! I can hardly lift you anymore," Rose told her three-year old as she nuzzled her cheek. Annabel giggled loudly and reached for Bella.

"Bell!" Bella laughed as she swung her almost-niece around in her arms.

"Okay, ladies, time to go!" Emmett's voice filtered into the room through the door, and with a few last glances in the mirror, Bella and Rose headed out into the hallway, with a giggling Annabel and a silent Alice in tow.

"There's my baby!" Emmett grabbed Annabel from Bella's arms and tossed her up in the air before blowing a raspberry on her cheek. Bella turned and tried to get Alice's attention.

"Hey!" Alice's head snapped up from her phone. "Jasper's still coming, right?"

"Of course, he's meeting us there," she said nonchalantly, looking back at the screen on her phone.

"Well, aren't you texting him?"

"Yes."

"But you're about to see him."

"So? Love has no time limits, Bella."

Bella scoffed as she headed towards her car. She still couldn't believe that Alice had managed to stay with her middle school sweetheart past her high school graduation. She hoped for their sake that they lasted; Alice was still severely hung up on him. And Jasper had grown on her as well. His creepiness factor lessened a bit over the years, and his dry (and sometimes silent) humor could bring her to tears.

"So, are you excited about seeing my brother?" Alice and Bella were halfway to the church for the rehearsal when Alice finally asked the million-dollar question.

"Oh God, I can't even think about it. I may pass out before I even get to talk to him."

"But you guys talk a lot."

"Yes, but I haven't seen him, in person, in…three years? A little over three years, I think. I'm afraid…I don't know. It's just mind-boggling that somehow that much time passed without seeing him."

"Well, if it's any consolation, he looks just as nervous as you," Alice said as they pulled into the church parking lot. Bella looked through the passenger window to see Edward standing outside, running his hands through his hair agitatedly. He definitely looked nervous. And really, really good.

Bella parked the car and tried to walk slowly, so as not to betray her anxiety, but Edward didn't care. He bounded towards her as soon as he saw her brown hair emerge from her Volvo. Before he could talk himself out of it, he wrapped her up in his arms and lifted her ten inches off the ground. She gasped but quickly snaked her arms around his neck. He pulled back and placed a single chaste kiss on her lips, then set her back onto her feet.

"You have a date for this thing?"

"Of course not!"

"Be my date, then?" Bella nodded in agreement and looped her arm through his, smiling bigger than she had in three years.

The rehearsal went smoothly. Bella was the maid of honor, and Edward was Emmett's best man. They couldn't keep their eyes off of one another as the reverend quickly went over how everything would go down the next day. Bella thought Edward looked even better than he had the last time she'd seen him.

After Bella and Edward went to Europe, they moved to Seattle for school. The first two years were full of heavy course loads and honeymooning – they were so wrapped up in each other. Bella immediately knew that she wanted to major in English, and after the first two years of college, it looked like she was going to graduate early.

Edward struggled to figure out what he wanted to do. He switched majors a frustrating four times. He thought about med school, architecture, engineering and business, but didn't feel even remotely passionate about any of them. After taking an errant photography class, he was in love. He declared his major, but discovered it would take him three more years to finish. He was tired, disappointed, and aggravated. He was beginning to feel wanderlust again, and begged Bella to travel with him some more.

"You can finish school when we come back," he told her.

"But I only have two semesters to go! I don't…it's not that I never want to travel again, it's just…I like actually being settled, you know? I feel…safe, I guess. I want to get my degree and work, and maybe down the road-"

"I don't want to wait! I have three more years of school, Bella. Three! I'm burnt out. I need a break, please. We can hit Eastern Europe, or go further north. Or…Asia, or Africa, Australia. I don't care. Let's just go," he begged.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I can't do it. Not right now."

The weeks passed, and Edward grew more and more dissatisfied. He continually dropped hints, but Bella couldn't relent. She'd worked too hard to get this far and take a break. She needed to keep going while she had momentum. Edward refused to go without her, but he was miserable staying in Seattle. He wanted to see the world, photograph it, and experience things outside of their lives. Bella wanted to get to work right out of school, and she didn't want to give that up. She finally told him he had to go.

"Edward, just go. Do it. I can finish school and you can see anything and everything and it'll be fine."

"No, I don't want to go without you."

"You're going to resent me if you stay. I know you will. I can't let you miss out on this – you have to go."

"Why can't you…why can't you just come with me, Bella? Please."

"I'll…I'll resent you if I go. You'll resent me if you stay. We're just going to have to go this next part alone, okay? It's not…it's not the end of the world," she tried to explain.

"So that's it? We're just…are you breaking up with me?"

"If that's what it takes to make you go, then yes. I'm breaking up with you."

"How can you do this? How can you – why? We can't – we're meant to be together, don't do this!"

"I'm not doing anything. I'm just trying to give you a chance to live the life you want to live. I can't go, you can't stay, it's simple. I love you, and I don't want you to be unhappy," she said genuinely, pleading with him silently to not make it any harder to part than it already was.

"But…what about us?"

"You're going to hate me for saying this, but it's the biggest cliché ever for a reason. If this is meant to be, it will be. No matter what. I believe that you and I are supposed to be together. Do you?"

"Of course," he answered with no hesitation.

"Then we'll be, one way or another. But you've got to go now. I'm sorry."

Edward left that night, and didn't contact her for a month. Each day that he was gone ached a bit more, and each moment that she didn't know where he was tormented her. She constantly wondered if she'd done the right thing by making him go, worrying herself sick. Edward finally called and told her he had made it to Bulgaria. He didn't explain much, but he promised to keep in touch better. He told her he loved her.

When Bella graduated six months later, he showed up. He was fresh from a fourteen-hour flight, scruffy and eyes bloodshot, but he was there. He hugged her and kissed her, and wished her luck. She told him she loved him and he cried as he told her goodbye again. Bella was afraid things would never be the same between them. Edward stayed out of the country until that Christmas, when he came home to see his family. They managed to snag a few days together alone. They never failed to hug and kiss, and say their 'I love you's.'

Over the next three years, their communication was steady, but not overly personal. They tried to email every week, but it was easy to get caught up in their respective lives. Bella moved to Chicago to try out the city. She got a job as a junior editor at a publishing house, and worked herself to the bone. She barely had time to eat, let alone make calls and send emails. She was exhausted, overworked and underappreciated; and she hated her job. She contacted Rose, who was living in Portland with Emmett, and was five months pregnant, and asked if she could stay with them for a week or so.

Bella quit her job, flew to Portland, secured a job as a high school English teacher, and began plans to get her Master's degree. Bella was happy being much closer to her family, and her job was much more to her liking.

Edward traveled all over Europe and Asia, though most of his time was spent in war-ravaged Eastern Europe. The photos he took were gaining attention, and he had been published several times over. He was happy doing what he was doing, but he began to want to settle down. He missed Bella fiercely, and missed the future he'd planned for them.

The pair was stuck somewhere between an amicable split and a long distance relationship. Each email ended with "I love you," but they weren't necessarily exclusive. Edward got in touch with his mother, and told her planned to come home. Esme was over the moon, but she promised to keep it a secret. Somehow three years had passed since he's seen his love, and he couldn't wait to get back. Emmett and Rosalie's wedding provided the perfect time to go back and tell Bella he was staying for good.

Edward held Bella's hand through the rehearsal dinner. At every available moment he leaned over and kissed her cheek. He complimented the navy dress she wore, the length of her hair, and the ways her eyes had laugh lines. She couldn't stop staring at the freckles littering his nose, or the new chest hair poking out from beneath his shirt. He looked so much older, yet so much the same. His forest eyes still gleamed with passion. Bella invited him to stay at her place. Edward agreed.

The couple (who were not quite a couple anymore) stood on opposite sides of the bed as they changed. Bella blushed when she peeled her dress off, and Edward watched her in fascination.

"I'm not…as skinny as I used to be," she said, adjusting the top of her underwear. Edward had never been so turned on before. The sight of her was enough to make him want to fall to his knees and perhaps pray to her. Her hips were wider, her thighs fuller, her lower tummy beginning to curve outward. Her body looked prepared to carry children, and as he was heading into his late twenties, he was beginning to imagine them: little wild-haired girls with green eyes, perhaps a mischievous red-haired boy with chocolate eyes.

"God, you're so beautiful," he breathed as he rounded the bed to get to her. He ran his fingers over the tiny bulge of skin over the tops of her panties. It was so womanly, so enticing to see her grown older and bare before him. He traced his fingers up to her breasts, which sat slightly lower than they used to. He'd never seen such a wondrous sight.

"No, I'm getting kinda chubby," she said in self-deprecation.

"Bella, no. You're gorgeous. But I know what you mean, my metabolism's not what it used to be," he told her as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. He grabbed at the small pudgy spot on his stomach and shook it. "See? One day I looked down and was like, 'where'd that come from?'"

Bella could see the pocket of fat, but it didn't detract from his beauty. His chest had filled out, his stomach less defined, but masculine. Bronze/brown hair coated his pecks, and his pants sat higher than they used to. Edward had crow's feet and lines on his forehead, and he was stunning. She couldn't resist running her fingers through his chest hair and pulling him closer. Their lips met and danced before their tongues hesitantly stroked each other's. They kissed languidly, lovingly, until they fell back onto Bella's bed, and Edward could hold his secret no longer.

"I'm moving back, Bella. For good."

"Wh-what?" She blinked rapidly at him.

"Well, I'm going to try to finish school, but I'm moving. Here. To Portland. Preferably into this room, actually, but you don't have to decide right now."

"You're coming back?"

"Yes. If you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you, oh my God! Edward! I'm so—so fucking happy! Goddamn!" Bella jumped to her feet and bounced on her bed. Edward enjoyed the view from below her and the two laughed together until she fell back down to him. Their limbs tangled and reintroduced themselves.

"Have you – has there been anyone else?"

"No. I waited for you," Edward said seriously.

"Edward Cullen, Lady Killer, was abstinent for over three years?" Bella was only half-joking.

"Of course. You were worth waiting for. Have you…?"

"I went on two dates, but no. I haven't been with anyone. Or even kissed anyone. I wanted to wait for you, too."

"Good. You were right, you know."

"Right?"

"To make me go. It was a good experience. I learned a lot. And like you said, if we were meant to be together, we would be. And now we are."

"I missed you so much, though. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do…convince you to go. It hurt every day."

"I know, babe."

Their bodies curved to one another's and the couple fused together again like they hadn't in years. Each touch felt familiar but more electric than before. They could barely sleep over the excitement of their reunion, so Edward shared tales from his days of travel.

"…but I mainly stayed in Montenegro. It was amazing. And the stories I have from all the hostels I stayed in—"

"So you didn't stay in a single, actual hotel?" Edward shook his head. "That's amazing. You could afford it, you know."

"I know. But it wouldn't have been right. Photographing poverty every day can really affect you."

"Wow. When did you get so grown up?"

"Well…I like to think I grew up that night I professed my love for you in my room and you denied me and called me a man-slut," he said as Bella laughed. "Or…maybe I grew up that day you came to my house burnt and broken."

Their faces grew serious as they saw the pain reflected in the other's eyes.

"But I think I really grew up the day you told me to leave."

"Edward…."

"No, love, it was right. Thank you. I felt like part of me was missing the entire time, but you were right. I needed to go, you needed to stay. And now, we're both grown up, and ready to be together. Right?"

"Right. I love you. So much."

"I love you, too."

The next day was a rush of activity. Bella and Rose had hair appointments in the morning, makeup appointments after that, and then Rose had to be back to the church by 2:00 to get ready. Bella helped Rose squeeze into her gown, and Rose fretted over it, as usual.

"Isn't it just my luck to get pregnant again right before the wedding?"

Bella laughed. "Rose, you're not even showing. You look perfect."

"I'm a lot rounder than I once was."

"But Emmett loves you round! And you look beautiful, like a mother, like you're in love."

Rose's voluptuous breasts tried to spill out of her sweetheart neckline, but after some wrestling and coaxing, they seemed to stay in. Bella smoothed the sides and back of the dress down before bringing one hand around to rest on Rose's tiny baby bump. Rose caught Bella's reflection in the mirror, and saw her tears.

"Why are you so sad?" Bella wiped at her eyes.

"I'm not sad, I don't think. I'm…wistful, maybe? A little hopeful? Edward's staying here in Portland, and I'm just…so happy. I guess I think maybe our future's really starting. I hope we're as happy as you and Emmett."

"You will be. Probably even happier." The two almost-sisters shared a smile.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, and Bella's eyes were glued to Edward in his tux. She couldn't wait to dance with him at the reception, and go home with him that night. And wake up with him tomorrow. And every morning after that.

Edward kept his eyes trained on Bella across the altar during the ceremony. His future bride was right there, so close, yet a little out of reach. He couldn't wait for her to be his, as he was already hers.

Pictures were taken, guests cried, and dinner was served. Before Bella knew it, it was time for her and Edward to give their toasts, and she was shaking with nerves. She obviously spoke in front of her students constantly, but she was afraid of accidentally embarrassing Rose, or herself, and she knew Edward would most likely be way more eloquent than she.

"I've known Rose even longer than Emmett has, and how I didn't realize they were perfect for each other immediately, I'll never know. I'd never seen Emmett look at anyone the way he did when he first saw her; and I can safely say, and everyone can vouch for this, that Rose _never_ blushed like she did when she met my brother," Edward said, and fellow guests laughed and agreed. "Em and I have talked about love and how to make it last, and he has told me time and again that you have to grab a hold of it, protect it, and never let it go. The love I see between these two is astounding at times, without even factoring in the love they have for their little girl."

Bella turned and watched Rose tear up, holding little Annabel close to her side.

"So I want to toast this lovely couple, and I'm sure that we'll see the strength of their love and devotion for the next eighty years."

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted the happy couple. Bella stood and started to reach for the microphone, but Edward waited for the cheers to die down before he spoke again.

"And because Em told me that the first step is recognizing what you have and making sure it's yours forever, and because this woman right here is the love of my life, I have one more thing. Isabella Swan," Edward said as he turned to her. His eyes were sparkling and as soon as Bella looked into his eyes, she knew what he was asking. Unshed tears pooled in her eyes as she held her breath. Edward slowly pulled out a ring and held it up to her. "You wanna?"

There were giggles over the way Edward proposed, and some gasps. Bella didn't look around to gauge the reactions in the room. In that moment nothing else existed but them, and she knew, finally, it was time. She drew in a deep breath and answered, right into the microphone Edward was still holding between them.

"Hell yeah."

Edward's face split with the widest smile she'd ever seen and he kissed her, hard, and wrapped her up in his arms. Bella could barely kiss him back because of her matching smile, and as Edward held her tightly, she felt herself bounce. She was so giddy, she felt like she was channeling Alice as she let out a girlish squeal. Edward threw his head back and laughed. Bella grabbed the microphone since she hadn't given her speech yet.

"Well, I don't really know what to say now. I can't really top that. Rose, Emmett, I love you guys, and I hope we didn't steal your thunder!"

Rose laughed and shouted back at her, "You're gonna pay for that one!" But Bella saw the joy on Rose's face, and Emmett was already up and around the table, slapping Edward on the back. Bella was so overwhelmed, she didn't even realize she hadn't put the ring on yet until Edward grabbed her hand and started to slip in on her ring finger.

The ring was an heirloom, worn by Edward's mother, and perfect. She watched Edward kiss it on her finger before she looked into his eyes again, afraid that she was going to wake up and find out it was all a dream. As though he could read her mind, he said,

"We've got everything – our past, right now, and our future. Waiting for us." Edward's eyes roamed the planes of Bella's face, taking in the subtle changes of the woman standing before him – the same little girl that stole his heart those years ago. "I love you."

"And I love you," Bella breathed.

* * *

**So...that's all, folks! Thank you so much for sticking with me through this, and for giving my little fic a chance! **

**I also encourage all of you to donate to Fics for Nashville to help with relief over the floods that hit them last week. Tennessee is my home state (and my soon-to-be current state of residence in two weeks) and could use some love! http:// community (dot) livejournal (dot) com/ ficsfornash/ 474. html I'm not planning on writing anything for it, unless someone appeals to me for an outtake of BE or anything like that. I could be bribed. :)**

**In honor of completing my fic, I have put together a nice little list of completed fic recs for you all.**

**High school fics: Boy in the Red Sweater by Starrynytex; Cascade and Cyanide by americnxidiot; Scotch, Gin and the New Girl by jandco; Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche; Tropic of Virgo by In..bathrobe**

** AH fics: A Murmur of Fire in the Vein by ElleCC; Breakfast at Tiffany's by profmom72 & Hmonster4; Holding Out for You by ObsessingOverEdward; Intersection by Lillybellis; Out of her Head by 1Blue25; Stay by crimsonmarie**

** AU fics: Abbracciare il Cantante by Bratty-Vamp; And with Thee Fade Away by Derdrui oFaolain; Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel; Marble and Mahogany by letmesign**

**Click over to my profile and check out the first chapter of my new story, Lost in Between.** .net/s/5974563/1 **I love you all!**


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